Random Samplings of My Delightful Life!

Smarty pants

2011-11-14T11:07:00.001-08:00

Just got back from meeting with Joseph and EmmaLees teachers. Wow. I am so impressed with my children. Neither Ryan nor I were great students. Mostly for lack of trying on both our parts. But my kids all excel and they literally wow me.

Joseph got the highest grade is his class on the state math test. He was the only one to get 100%. His teacher kept saying how wonderful he was. He works hard and gets along well with all the kids.

EmmaLees teacher could not say enough about how helpful and kind she is. EmmaLee works hard and really enjoys school and her teacher. She even feels Emma should be placed in gate.

I know I shouldn't boast but I feel very proud of my little smarties. Mostly I feel humbled. I don't know why I was blessed with such smart kids. I feel they have so much to teach me and for that I am grateful to be their mother. I hope I can do them justice.

2011-11-13T17:43:00.001-08:00

Normal

2011-11-13T17:21:00.001-08:00

Why is it so hard to think of what to blog when it has been a long time? Maybe because there is simply to much to blog about. So many goings on in our house hold. To many emotional ups and downs to choose from. Some big events and many small ones I want to remember. Blogging why did you stop being a habit?

Today I want to remember how much I love the small every day parts of motherhood.

Jacob is now potty trained. He has been so easy to potty train. That has been refreshing. He is also out of his crib. This is the longest any of my kids have stayed in a crib. There was no baby to kick him out. The transition for that has been really easy as well. No more diapers and no more cribs.

Joshua loves school, most days. I think he loves being social and playing with his friends. For the first time we have neighborhood friends come over on a regular basis and I love that. Josh loves that his buddy lives so close.

Joseph has really come out of his shell this year. He talks much more and seems much less shy. We were talking yesterday remembering when he would grunt when we asked him a question. No more grunting. He tells me about school and friends. He had a little problem with the neighbor kid and I was impressed with how it was handled. The boy was calling Joseph names and teasing him. EmmaLee and Joseph decided to walk away from him when it occurred. He ended up apologizing and I think have these kinds of trials are good for kids when they are handled well. Life will be full of difficult people. I'm proud he didn't let this one boy talk that way. I'm proud he walked away from the situation.

EmmaLee has been seeking quality time with me. The other night she created a craft project for us to do together. Wish I had taken a picture. She reminds me so much of myself at her age. Loves to make things and chatter with friends. Loves her teacher to pieces.

I love when Sarah sees a need and tries to help. I have been sick in bed all day and she helped the kids get ready for church with being told to do so. She has become my best help in the kitchen, EmmaLee also. They love to cook and have even started making food on their own.

Jared loves to come find quiet moments to just talk we me. I feel loved when he tries to kick the kids out because he wants one on one time with me. I'm glad he feels comfortable sharing things with his momma.

I'm not sure when it happened but my children have started to become very independent. Ultimately that's what any mother wants for her children but it feels strange for me at the same time. With no more baby, no more diapers, and very few night time interruptions I feel freed of constant need and on the one hand I love that. On the other I miss holding a little person so very often. My kids still love hugs and snuggles and I take them appreciatively when they come but it just isn't the same.

I got to spend some beautiful time with a family members new baby this last week. It reminded me of sleepless nights and long days. That time is gone for me. I remember wishing time would speed up so I could... Make dinner, go to the bathroom, or even shower without worrying about that sweet new baby waking up or crying. Wondering when I would ever feel "normal" again not realizing normal is not a real tangible thing.

Normal I have learned is up's and down's. Sad moments sprinkled with unexplainable joy. A life very different and yet so much better then what you had planned. It is realizing that perfection is something to be sought after, yearned for, look forward to, not something to measure and beat yourself up over. Normal is making mistakes, messing up to the point of wanting to quit. Normal is getting up anyway. Itl is realizing this life is a long journey with a huge learning curve excepting and striving to understand everyone is trying to do there best. Normal is seeing that challenges do not define us. It is how we handle them that can create the person we are ultimately meant to be.

Sometimes I feel very normal and I wish and long for extraordinary. I believe that is part of the process as well. It seems our spirits can sense we have amazing greatness inside just longing to become majestic beings and yet this earthly experience requires patience and time. It demands we learn, stretch, grow and become through each individual challenge and triumph.

My BIL Sean reminded me last night that life is meant to be easy. That when we turn to our Savior even the hardest of "normal" challenges can bring great peace and even joy. When we keep Him in the for front of our experiences we can see He has more in store for us then we would happily settle for.

This month of thanksgiving I feel grateful for our hardships. I have learned some very good life lessons I would not have learned otherwise. I feel I am learning a little bit better how to be happy regardless of what life hands us. But mostly I am learning that normal is a pretty amazing process which seems to surpass my wildest expectations.

Josh

2011-10-09T21:16:00.001-07:00

Just so I remember. Joshua told me "in my world everyday is mothers day.". He proceeded to tell me he was making me a picture for mothers day. He has been coloring so much and I love to watch my kids color and enjoy life. Maybe I need to have coloring with the kids be on my list of to-do's this week.

Day 7

2011-10-09T21:12:00.001-07:00

Jacob has been scary sick with croup. So sick that last night we almost called 911. He could hardly breath and he was scared. Through inspiration we tool him outside into the cold night air and that seemed to make a huge difference for him. Today has been better but he can hardly speak and he still sounds like it is hard to breath.
Right before bedtime Ryan had the kids go lay on the trampoline with Jacob so he could experience the cool night air. We decided to join them and I'm so glad we both slowed down and just enjoyed being with them. We looked at stars and laughed. We tickled and we laughed. We snuggled and laughed. The kids wanted to sleep out there. Man alive I love these little people and my sweet hubby who loves us all.

Days 3 & 4

2011-10-04T19:19:00.001-07:00

Last night for family night Ryan and I told the kids stories about out grandparents. I even told them so very old stories of my ancestors. It was neat to see how excited they got. I love these kids.

When the little ones went to bed I tool the time to teach the older two how to use familysearch.org and newfamilysearch.org. I was thrilled with how excited they got. They were asking all kinds of questions and looking up census records. They were even fighting over who got to do it next.

I am such a believer that part of understanding who you are is understanding where you came from. Amazing people came before me and have so much wisdom to offer if I will just let them. I wish I had time to sit and read every story and memorize it all so that is was deep in my heart

Today my poor Joshua was sick. He has croup and he just sounds so sad. Normally when my kids are watching tv cause they are sick and that is all they can do I like to get things done because they are...well...entertained. Today I sat and rubbed his back instead. I would stop to turn the page of the book I was reading and he would ask so sweetly if I would keep doing it. I'm grateful for this 31 day project. Otherwise I would have missed out on some of these experiences.

Day 2

2011-10-02T13:51:00.000-07:00

Today we watched conference from the comfort of our home. I woke up feeling excited and ready to hear answers to my prayers, which seemed to come rather quickly.

During the break between sessions I was going to go take a nap but then Jacob and Josh wanted me to play cars with them. I think in the past I would have just gone to my nap. Then the older kids turned on home videos and it was so fun to watch those with them. I would have missed out on that had I not taken the time to slow down today.

31 Days of Slowing Down

2011-10-01T20:12:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, ok a lot of time, at the end of the day I wish I had spent more quality time just being with the kids. I feel like I am so busy doing I forget to really engage with the little people. Some of my kids demand it and so they get it. Others are so easy going I think they slip through the cracks a little bit.

I have decided to spend the next 31 days doing something. That was vague on purpose. I am going to make an effort to slow down in some way or another and really be here for my kids. My thought is that something, no matter how small, is more then nothing.

Tonight Ryan, Jared, and Sarah are all gone at outside activities. After we put the kids to bed I taught her to make friendship bracelets. Nothing major. Just one on one time with my arts and crafts girl doing something I knew she would love. I want her to always feel comfortable talking with me and like hanging out with me. I love this sweet girl.

This year she has really started to love reading and has decided to take on the Harry Potter books much to the delight of her older siblings who love them so much! She loves her teacher and told me she has been trying really hard not to be so chatty. I always had that problem, I guess I still do.

My schedule

2011-09-19T09:56:00.001-07:00

Every once in a while I think my life feels kinda crazy. I know one day I will wish I had all my little people around me like I do now. So I want to document my everyday craziness.

5:25 wake up, pray, get ready for gym
5:40-6:30 gym time
6:45 shower
7 family scripture reading and family prayer
7:30 take middle school kids to school and pick up carpool
7:50-8:15 help elementary kid get ready for school
8:15 eat breakfast & start laundry
8:30 start to clean up from breakfast
9 take Ryan to work. (miss our second car)
9:20 depends on the day. Either run errands or do housework.
10:30 school work with Joshua
11:10 Josh and Jacob eat lunch and pack snack for Joshua.
11:30 leave to pick up carpool then take to K
11:50 pick up Ryan for lunch
12:45 Jacob and I go down for nap
1:15 mommy time. This is when I will get things done that are just easier when kids are not around. Every once in awhile I will read. Wish I did that more often
2:25 middle school kids get home
2:30 they have a snack and start on homework
3:35 elementary kids get home
3:40 snack and homework
4ish I start with dinner prep
5:15 Ryan gets home and we have dinner
6 dinner clean up.
6:20 kids do their jobs.
7 family prayer
7:05 reading with the boys
7:30 little boys to bed
7:30 girls to their rooms to read
8 girls lights out.
8:30 Jared goes to bed
8:30 down time, Ryan and I get to hang out.
9:30 lights out for me. I have become an old person since I have to wake up so early.

After writing all that down I realize things really are not to bad right now. Sarah just finished her travel Bball team and piano is on hold. Now next month with 4 kids starting Bball things will get a little crazy again.

Big to nuff?

2011-09-19T09:40:00.001-07:00

Everyday I drive the middle school kids to school. Jacob rides with me. He is always so excited when we pick up our carpool. He makes them laugh on most days. It is a delightful drive... Until we drop them off. He asks me, "Am I big to nuff?" and when I have to tell him he is not yet big enough to go to school he feels sad. But he seems to get over it pretty quickly.
Then I get home and help the elementary kids get ready. They like to walk to school so Jacob doesn't seem to make a big deal about them leaving.
When we take Joshua to school Jacob grabs his back pack and declares "I'm big to nuff now." I don't say anything because I need him to get into the car in a cooperative mood. We pick up the neighbor kid and off to school. The boys jump out and realization hits that another day has come and he does not get to go to school. Melt down. Serious screaming and crying. I feel bad for the kid. He doesn't realize that he still has 3 more years before he gets to go to school.
And then I think it might be me the one who cries when they are all in school.

I thought I should document this

2011-09-04T21:31:00.000-07:00

Every morning, well most mornings, we sit down together and read scriptures. This is such a vital time for us as a family. We take time to study God's words for us, we pray together, we love each other. I believe it brings us closer together.

The other day when Jacob was actually paying attention I felt compelled to get out my Snap and take a picture. I think this picture will stick with me when they are all grown and gone.

Back to School

2011-08-31T19:57:00.000-07:00

We are now into the swing of school. With three different start times it can feel a little hectic. I imagine next year will be even crazier with seminary, high school, middle, and elementary school. The first few days were a filled with excitement and a few tears. Long days at school are hard when you are used to lazy summer days.

Jared got his classes switched so now he is with all of his friends.

Sarah is being very picky about her friends and I could not be more proud of her. She wants to make sure her circle of friends are good kids. Today she told me she thinks she might have made a best friend.

EmmaLee has the best teacher ever. I meet her tonight at back to school night and she really is so perfect for her.

Joseph, who I was most worried about, has made a bunch of friends. 2 of which we just found out live on our street and then have been over here playing every day since. The one boy Jack has a little brother Nick in Joshua's class so he has been over a couple times as well.

Joshua thinks Kindergarten is ok. He says his teacher is boring and kinda gets mad at them sometimes. He is learning the girls don't want to play with him and that was hard at first since he is used to playing with his girl cousins. But now he has made a bunch a guy friends.

Jacob and I have enjoyed some leisurely time together once Josh goes to school. We pick up Ryan from work, have lunch together, read stories and take naps.

I miss them while the are gone!

2011-08-22T07:57:00.001-07:00

My children are no longer babies. In fact I will never have my own baby again. Maybe this is why we still call my 2 and 1/2 year old baby. As they get older I am noticing a new pattern of entitlement. I'm not sure why teenage-hood seems to bring this on but I want to be more armed and ready to tackle it.

So when I heard about this book I was super excited. Here is the link if you want to order it.

http://entitlementtrap.com/giveaway.htm

Once it is in my hands I will be spending time on my sofa marking up it's lovely pages.

Summer

2011-08-21T21:52:00.001-07:00

This summer has been a different one for me. We didn't go on any amazing trips. No real vacations minus a very quick trip weekend trip for Sarah's Bball tournament. We didn't make a bucket list or anything with a wow factor. We didn't get together much with friends.

We did spend a lot of time at the beach and the pool. We did have family come stay with us. We did redo the girls room and hang out together at home a bunch.

About two weeks ago I was having a hard week and feeling very ready for the kids to go back to school. They were fighting a lot and I felt they needed a break from each othe. Then today hit and I now have a huge knot in my stomach. Am I ready for them to be gone? Am I prepared to have my fifth child in kindergarten? Will he do ok with being told what to do? Is Sarah going to transition ok to middle school?Will Joseph's new teacher be understanding about his condition? Will Emma make good friends? Will Jared be ok even though all his good church friends have a different lunch period then him?

Man being a mom leads to all kinds of worry and concern. And there really is nothing I can do about any of this except trust in God. Trust that He knows their needs and even their wants and that He will give them what is the very best for them. And that He will give me the guidance I need so that I may be the very best parent for them.

2011-07-10T20:03:00.001-07:00

Do you ever have an idea that blooms so rapidly in your head you feel you need to write a book about it? This happens every once in awhile to me. It is as if Heavenly Father opens my mind to understand a concept and then puts experiences in my path to then understand them. About 5 years ago I experienced this for the first time that I can remember.

I began to understand so deeply the love our God has for women and how the world is doing all it can to tear them down. The more I pondered on the subject the deeper I felt about it. A story plot began to grow in my mind. I began to see a glimpse into my purpose. And then life hit me and it hit me hard. It seemed as though the women I was closest to were struggling in ways I didn't know how to help. Then we had physical trials and financial trials and life was just hard for a little while.

I was in survival mode and I seemed to lose that glimmer of light I had into my purpose. Now several years later I feel it knocking at my door and for some reason it frightens me. Will I be able to do hard things? Will my written words have the strength and power to entice change? Will I be able to portray all that I feel in my heart? Will I be able to get over my fears and plug forward?

As I type that I want to shoot yes. I want to fight for this. I want to be the conduit of change for women who struggle understanding their worth by sharing the words God places into my mind. So if you read this I ask that you pray for me to have the strength to press on and the power to give hope to the hopeless and strength for the weak.

The idea that has been flowing to me from many directions is simple. I call it the divine power of purpose. All of us here on earth are given talents and gifts. As we learn to identify what those gifts are we can find greater meaning and purpose in our every day living. As we strengthen what we have already been given a by product of that will be
1. We will find joy in sharing those gifts. Isn't it true that it is much more enjoyable to do something you are good at opposed to something you feel like a failure at?
2. Our life will take on greater purpose because we will understand we are doing what Heavenly Father wants us to do and by so doing we will feel a closer connection to our Maker.
3.We will understand how to better serve those around us in a way that brings not only us fulfillment but them as well. When you run across a person who is so passionate about a topic you can't help but be inspired and want to improve yourself in the process.
4.We will no longer feel the need to compare ourselves to others because we will see our unique gifts in the grand picture much like colors in a rainbow, all are needed to give the rainbow it's unique beauty.

Let me share an example. I like to talk to people and understand their stories. When I was younger people would tell me all about their problems, sometimes more then my young heart could handle. Listening then helping came easy to me and so I just assumed it was easy for everyone.

As I got older I began to see this was something Heavenly Father had given me so that I could help people. I began to seek inspiration when helping. Now when a girlfriend comes to me and, through this gift, I am able to help them I have feel as though I am on cloud nine. That is because I am doing what I was designed to do. Not what Jenny or Jack were meant to do but what I was meant to do. I began to feel my life has purpose and I feel a closeness to Divinity. This kind of service is natural for me because it is what I am meant to do.

I want to help women find joy and meaning in everyday service by using the gifts they have been given. Then finding peace in knowing their offering is not only accepted but pleasing to the Lord.

Wrapping paper fun and potty training

2011-05-29T20:11:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I remember when I only had one child. I was much more strict with my children and I think there was a lot I didn't let them do. I feel one of the blessings of having a larger family is that as a parent you learn to relax a little and hopefully enjoy a little more.

My first reaction when I heard that Jacob had gotten into a very large roll of wrapping paper was to laugh. The older kids wanted to get after him but once they saw my response they joined in. They unrolled it and made it into a snow man carpet. They danced and laughed and enjoyed each other. I am reminding myself about this tonight because it feels as though they have been fighting all day.

For some reason I think my little man running around in his buzz unders is so cute. Thursday we bought him his own lighting mcqueen potty that vrooms when you flush, new unders, and treats. I taped a ton of baggies to the back of the bathroom door. Each baggie has things like 2 m&m's, a starburst, a few stickers etc. Whenever he goes in the potty he gets a treat. So far he is doing pretty good. Of course he has had a few accidents but that is what I am expecting so again yay for being the 6th child. I am way more relaxed about the whole thing.

I think it helps that he is so stinking cute! Look at that face!

Joey

2011-05-29T19:57:00.000-07:00

We were blessed to go to the funeral of Joey. I am always amazed how LDS funerals manage to uplift and bring peace. Sometimes my heart feels so full I can't seem to find words to explain how I feel. Tonight seems to be one of those moments. So instead I will leave you with these sweet pictures of Joey's brothers with my nephews.

Hope among sorrow

2011-05-17T19:49:00.000-07:00

Today is one of those days were sadness fills me to my very core and I am not sure how to even come to grips. A couple days ago I got reading a blog, about some one I did not even know. The mom died in child birth leaving behind 3 children plus the baby who only lived a very short time. The post was written by the husband. Tears poured because I could not imagine how I or Ryan would try to pick up the pieces and go on after such a devastating lose.

Today at lunch Ryan and I got to talking about the "what-if's" But it is still so hard to comprehend, the thought of losing anyone that you love. And then it happens.

Shortly after Ryan went back to work he called me with news that a family member had committed suicide. My first thoughts were numbness and a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. My empathy instantly went to the persons mother. I felt such an overwhelming feeling of love for her and prayers have gone through my mind all day. Then I think about his father, his siblings, his family, his friends. All are left to try and cope without him. Where is comfort to be found?

In times of sadness like this, the overwhelming kind, the only answer can come through our Savior. Does that me know one will feel sadness? Of course not. But the hope is that through Him, at first, the pain can be slightly less. That through Him there is hope to be found. That while sadness is all one can feel there is hope that one day light will come again. That one day a person begans to notice the pain a little less and the brightness and warmth a little more. That as we turn to Him in our sorrow we find someone who understands when no one else can and in a one only He can.

So tonight as my Joshua screams during prayers and the older kids fight I thank my Father in Heaven for children who grace my home with chaos and noise and laughter and joy. I hold them a little tighter and I try to turn my own sorrow into hope. Hope for a brighter tomorrow.

Best cake ever

2011-05-16T22:59:00.000-07:00

Today I decided to turn my project 365 blog from last year into my cake adventure blog. I just barely posted a recipe I tried tonight that was to die for. Lemon coconut cake with lemon curd filling and coconut cream frosting. The blog address is 365daysthroughmyeyes.blogspot.com/

2011-05-08T15:49:00.001-07:00

What a wonderful mothers day it has been so far. The kids and Ryan made me blueberry waffles with strawberries on top and a smoothie and served it to me in bed. The kids all drew me wonderful pictures (star wars naturally) and wrote me sweet notes. (one even says your a mom worth fighting for) I am grateful for these sweet precious people Heavenly Father blessed me with. I am not sure why I got so lucky but lucky I sure am!

Make it a great day,
Susan

The other cake

2011-04-25T12:14:00.000-07:00

After I made this I thought how pretty it would be as a wedding cake in all white. It was super easy and super fast.

Fun cakes

2011-04-25T12:13:00.000-07:00

I got to make two cakes for a church event last week. I could do whatever I wanted and I had fun being creative. I am in my happy place when I make cakes. (this excludes wedding cakes)
These little owls make me happy!

Easter Saturday

2011-04-24T20:56:00.000-07:00

It is tradition for the kids to enjoy easter Saturday at Grandma Chapmans. We each bring 12 eggs per child filled with little goodies. The bigger kids hide them in the yard and then we let the little ones go. They are only allowed to get 12 to keep it fair and the kids really look forward to this fun time with cousins and family.

Getting all of these kids to look at the camera was harder then expected. They are such fun little buddies.

I love this picture of Josh enjoying his goods.

I must confess that I do not like to dye Easter eggs. Dye and small children just doesn't make sense to me. Soooo thankful for Grandma for letting Emma Dye to her hearts content and she really did enjoy herself. She is definitively a girl after my own heart and enjoys all forms of creativity.

Then once the kids have truly enjoyed their candy we make massive amounts of egg salad, make it into sandwiches, and cut it up into little squares. The kids don't eat to much since they are usually sick from all the candy but it is fun anyway.

This year was a little busy for us since Jared had a camp-out and triathlon that morning and Sarah had a Basketball tournament in the afternoon.

Easter though was so nice and mellow. I got to teach a wonderful Sunday school lesson about the Resurrection and the atonement and it really helped me to think about the true meaning of Easter.

Then we took naps, woke up and made a salad, then headed over to Grandma and Grandpas. So nice to not have to make a big dinner. Some years I want to some years I really don't. This year I really didn't. We enjoyed a nice visit with Ryan's family and I feel so blessed to have them in my life.

Vegan chocolate goodness

2011-04-24T20:18:00.000-07:00

I found vegan chocolate chips at our local grocery store. I have been on a mission to find treats Joseph can have that taste really good so that he doesn't feel like he is missing out.

Cake pops. Seriously one of the yummiest things I have ever made. SO simple and so moist. I am not a huge cake fan but this is so yum.
Recipe:
cake mix
oil
egg whites
frosting that matches your cake mix flavor
sticks that you can get at Micheals
chocolate chips

Certain brands sell non dairy cake mixes (you just have to search the ingredients for them)
I have used lemon, chocolate, and german chocolate, and red velvet.

I make the cake mix according to package directions except I use 4 egg whites instead of 3 eggs (I can't eat egg yolks)

I then pour it into a glass baking dish and cook in the microwave for 10-12 minutes at 70% power. Why you ask in the microwave? So much faster. Usually their is one hot spot and I simply don't use that part in the mix.

I then stick the good parts (if some of it is slightly gooey no worries) into my kitchen aid and crumble it up.

Then I add about half a container of frosting. again I read labels and use nondairy frosting. I used lemon with the lemon cake, chocolate with the red velvet but cream cheese would be good if you could eat it, I have also mixed peanut butter with chocolate frosting for a yummy peanut butter one, and my favorite is the coconut caramel frosting used for german chocolate cake.

Once the mixture sticks to its self you have the right consistence. If you try to roll it into a ball and it doesn't stick or keep its shape add a little more frosting.

Roll out the mixture into balls and then stick them into the freezer for a quick cool.

Melt the chocolate in the microwave 30 seconds at a time on 50% power. Stir after each 30 secs until melted.

Dip your stick into the chocolate then into the ball. Make sure you push it all the way down. Then stick it back into the freezer for about 10-15 minutes.

Now that your cake will stay on the stick remelt your chocolate the same way you did before. Then dip your cake ball into the mixture and tap off any extra.

Sprinkle with sprinkles or drizzle with peanut butter or chocolate. This is the fun part. Be creative. I stuck them into a rectangle styrofoam piece I got at the craft store to dry so that they would still look good.

Here is another treat I made.
Vegan Peanut butter cups. But I made them for Joseph for Easter so I used Easter molds. They were molds I got with my jello to be used as jello jigglers which made them perfect for what I was doing
Recipe:
Vegan chocolate
1/2 cup peanut butter (I used creamy)
1/4 cup crushed up pecans
1/2 cup powdered sugar
1/4 cup coconut oil

Melt chocolate in microwave at 50% power for 30 seconds at a time. Stir after each 30 seconds until melted.
Spray molds with non stick spray. With small paint brush, coat inside top cup evenly with about 1 teaspoon melted chocolate to about 1/8-inch thickness, bringing coating almost to top of mold, but not over edge. freeze cups.
In saucepan combine coconut oil and peanut butter. Cook over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until melted only a couple of minutes. Stir in powdered sugar and pecans. Pour filling into each chocolate cup. return to freezer for about 10 minutes.
Spoon melted chocolate on top of filling (you may need to remelt the chocolate); spread to cover. Freeze until firm (about 2 hours) carefully peel off from molds. Store refrigerated.

I am eating one know and oh so good!! I miss those yummy resses peanut butter cups and this is such a great vegan alternative.

I am not rereading my post so I hope it all makes sense

Cousin Lucas's birthday party

2011-04-24T20:14:00.000-07:00

I think this is one of the kids favorite parties they have ever been to. Pony rides, chasing chickens, goats oh my. I turned my back to take a picture and Jacob had climbed under the gate to be with the pony. He had such a good time and it was so fun to watch.

EmmaLee's Spring choir

2011-04-24T19:55:00.000-07:00

Emma had such a fun time singing in her school choir. She even got a solo and did such a good job. She was very nervous because during her final practice she forgot her words. Together we prayed that she would remember her words and when time came she sung her little heart out and did great!

Early Marriage

2011-04-24T19:17:00.000-07:00

I got pregnant when we first got married. I was so sick that I would throw up several times a day and some days I didn't get out of bed. I remember sitting in the back bedroom when Ryan made dinner cause I couldn't smell it with out throwing up. I look back and wonder how we managed to get to know each other but some how we did.
I remember when I was going through labor that Ryan and I were so connected on such a spiritual level that just hearing his voice would calm me down. He would walk me through each contraction and it is one of my favorite memories.
I also remember being very nervous about changing Jared's diapers that I would wake up Ryan in the middle of the night after each feeding (why I called them feedings I am not sure) Jared has been an early riser since he was first born and I was not used to that. Little did I know he would be setting a tone for the rest of the children.

Favorite memories

2011-04-10T20:37:00.000-07:00

As a child I loved to climb high up in trees and hang from branches. I must have been real young when I started doing this because it was before I ever went to school. But I kept doing it for many years. I remember finding solace in those trees. We had the perfect tree in our front yard that just asked to be climbed.

I was given free reign of the neighborhood and some of my best fun was in exploring my neighborhood. We had frogs and tadpoles to play with and try to catch. We would bring them home sometimes and I don't remember my mom ever having a hard time with this.

We would ride our bikes and try to get lost. We would save our nickels and dimes to buy the 5 cent candies at 7-11. I would bury my toys in the sand box buy our house and then later go back and find them. I would swing on the swings at the school, it was just across the street from my house. The swings always helped me to feel at peace with my world. I remember even as a teenager walking to the school to go swing. I even remember as a teenager writing poetry at the elementary school late one night when I just needed to get out of my house.

I loved to play barbies and hold tea parties on my skateboard. I was kind of a tom boy but I loved girlie things also. I remember only wearing dresses in kindergarten because I didn't want anyone to think I was a boy with my short bob haircut that my mom and sister thought was so cute which I hated. I think that is why I grew my hair so long when I was a teenager.

During the summer my brother Clark and I lived at the pool. I don't know when I learned to swim but I don't remember not knowing how. I started the swim team when I was 7 and I stayed on it until I was 16 or 17. Swimming was my life. I remember we would go to the pool with out my mom and the life guards would let me even though I really was to young. They knew I could swim well. My nick name on my swim team was Cruzin Susan. I one most of my races growing up so I always thought this was because I was so fast I was cruzin. I did not find out until one my last awards banquet that it was because I would swim so casually during practice I looked like I was just slowly cruzin along.

My parents both came to every sing one of my very long swim meets. I remember my dad yelling and screaming for my to "Go Susan Go!" I always loved that they were their to support me.

We always had cats growing up and I would dress our cat Murray up in my doll clothes and try to take him out in my little strawberry shortcake buggy for walks. He did not love this but I sure did.

When I was in primary at church one Sunday they sung the song John the Baptist. I remember feeling the spirit so strong it made me cry and I knew what we sang about was true.

I loved to sing and I would often sing while out on my walks. I would make up songs and sing my heart out. I had high hopes that one day someone would over hear me and they would make me famous. I love childlike hopes and dreams. I also believed I would be in the Olympics one day.

My mom worked nights at a law firm and every once in awhile she would let me come along. I bet I drove her crazy but she never acted like it. I would bring a pillow and sleep on a couch they had their I believe. I remember her coworker had a junk drawer full of yummy treats and she would let me have some.

My parents loved me and I always knew it! I hope my children feel the same from me.

How Ryan and I meet

2011-04-10T16:21:00.000-07:00

When I was getting ready to go to college I had decided to simply go to the local community college in Irvine. Why? My grades were not the best and I didn't think I would get accepted anywhere. I had enrolled and was ready to accept that path.

Near the beginning of summer my mom and I drove up to Utah to visit with my extended family who lives there. On the way home we drove through Southern Utah and from the freeway we saw signs for Dixie college. My mom and I both felt like we should stop and take a look at the college. It was not something I was planning or expecting but it was such a strong feeling. As we looked around we got ourselves to the admin building and grabbed all the paperwork I needed to enroll.

I felt at such peace about the whole thing and I was excited to start this new journey. My mom had all of the same feelings so I just new this was right for me. But on the drive home fear began to creep in. I was so afraid my dad would not think it was a good idea. This school was going to cost much more since I was from out of state. But my dad being the wonderful man he is also felt like it would be a good thing for me.

Once I got to school I was scared and I was shy. I did not have amazing relationships with my roommates but they were nice. I decided to tryout for the institute choir which was such a great experience for me. It was their that I meant Rachelle. She was a life changing friend for me. She helped me to understand my worth as a daughter of God. She helped me to be stronger then I was and I will always thank her for that.

I feel like she is what I needed to prepare myself to meet Ryan. We had so much fun that year. I dated some nice guys but nobody amazing. I enjoyed great friendships. I loved it so much I decided to stay in St. George during the summer. I got a fun job teaching swim lessons to little kids. Before summer I had dated a return missionary. I liked him and brought him home to meet my parents. At one point we casually looked at wedding rings.

When I got back from my trip we broke up. It was one of the weirdest yet neat break ups I had ever had. We both just felt like we should break up. There really wasn't a reason except dating him no longer felt right. (In hind sight I am sure glad I did not marry this man) This was in May and I started dating Ryan in August. Had I stayed in that relationship I would not have been available for Ryan.

I am not sure when but some time during the summer Ryan moved into our ward and became our apartments home teacher. I did not notice him at this time. He had taught in our home but I didn't remember him. I had my eyes on the institute president. I don't remember his name I just remember I thought he was good looking. Circumstances brought us together and I found out that he was a rather dull person with whom I could not talk to. I think it was the next Sunday Ryan called on my during his class in church. I wondered how he knew my name???

The next day my friend Danae was talking about this cute tall boy from our ward named Ryan. I had no idea who she was talking. She suggested we go to his smoothie shop so I could see who she was talking about. From the moment I saw him I was filled with butterflies and I didn't even say a word to him. I hung back and felt very timid.

That night we had our ward FHE activity. We pulled taffy. I remember trying to be close to him. We started to talk and I remember being intrigued that he tried to make a liahona out of taffy. I was not versed in scriptures and I was embarrassed when I did not know what a liahona was until he reminded me. I learned from this that he knew the scriptures and knew them well.

Sometime this week he invited my dorm room to go swimming at his pool. I made my best friend Lisa come with me. Ryan and I flirted and laughed and got to know each other a little bit better. We even raced in the pool and I got a bad leg cramp. He massaged it and this later became a joke amongst his brothers.

Throughout this week I made reasons to see Ryan. I remember one day going to get a smoothie. Another day I went to the nail place next to his shop hoping I would see him. I chickened out and didn't go in to see him. I was sick one day and had him come over for a blessing, (he was my home teacher.) Finally I got all my friends together for a get together just so I could invite him along with out asking him on a date.

We got along rather well and I just felt really comfortable with him. Even when a guy friend of mine kept trying to get my attention even though I was noticeably very interested in Ryan. My friend Becca, who was engaged, invited Ryan and I along for a double date the next night. Um yes please! Ryan took me home that night and he walked me to my door. He gave me a wonderful and sweet hug. He pulled back and I got butterflies in my stomach. I didn't know if he was going to kiss me but I was pretty sure I wanted him to. He said to me instead, "Be patient with me, I'm slow." We said goodbye. I walked into my apartment, shut the door and sunk to the floor. I was on cloud nine.

He made me feel special. So the next night, Saturday, we headed out to some hot springs to meet our friends. We had a good talk and just had fun swimming together. Our friends never showed up and we decided to go back to his apartment and watch a movie I think it was Tommy Boy. It was stupid but we laughed. Then we sat there not saying anything. I was just enjoying the moment and enjoying being with him. I finally asked him what he was thinking and he answer, "That I want to kiss you." Which he then did.

Sparks flew and I felt wonderful with him. Later that night we were talking and his brothers came in. I remember he quickly jumped away from me and that made his brothers think we were making out. That was a hard one to live down. I enjoyed the banter of younger brothers since I was not used to this.

Then came the hardest day. On Sunday Ryan avoided me. He did not talk to me and he did not return my phone calls. If this had been any other boy I would not have been worried. I remember calling Rachelle and telling her how worried I was because with Ryan things just felt different. It kind of scared me to feel so much for this man I hardly even knew.

The next day at ward FHE he was there but did not talk to me. It was so weird. I finally told him I wanted to talk and we went with some friends to frozen yogurt. He was a little stand-offish but still held my hand under the table. I believe we drove to his house after this. He explained to me that he got really scared after we connected so quickly. We had such an amazing talk that night.

As we hugged goodbye we pulled back and just stared into each others eyes. I knew at that moment that this is the man I would spend the rest of forever with. I just knew. It was such a strong overpowering feeling and it hit me all of a sudden like a ton of bricks. I started to cry and then Ryan said, "It's amazing how you can just now." So with nothing more then that we both new we were now much more then the moment we were living.

I guess we kind of looked at each other like we were engaged at this point. I had never even told him I loved him yet I knew I did. It was like my spirit and his remembered each other and promises we made before this earth life. We saw each other basically every day since.

The coming Saturday my cousin was getting married in Utah and my family was going to be there. My Mom, Dad, and sister drove up to St. George and we drove up to the wedding together. Ryan and I in one car and them in another. We picked out a ring together from a family friend of his. Once we got the ring he knelt down right there and proposed. There was some band playing outside the store so when I said yes he didn't hear me.

Once we got back to my parents he asked my dads permission and of course he said yes. So one week from our official first date we were engaged. We were originally thinking of getting married in the middle of December but we kept moving the date because my roommate was getting married and I didn't want to get married on the same day. Our bishop had advised to never push the date back only push it forward. I would change the date then she would change the date. Finally after pushing the date to 2 and 1/2 months away I realized we couldn't push it any closer. (she ended up getting married on the same day as us anyway)

I had no idea who the man I was marrying really was. Had I known I would have done things even quicker. He has proven to be the most amazing man I have ever meet. He loves me so fully and completely. He is spiritual beyond what I could have imagined. He is strong and smart and determined. He expects greatness and I love that about him. I am a better person because he is by my side.

I do not think everyone should marry this quickly but for us it was perfect.

General conference

2011-04-10T15:51:00.000-07:00

I have always wanted to go to our churches general conference which is held semi annually in Salt Lake City. Our Prophet and other apostles speak to the members of our church and we usually view it on TV or the Internet. Even from a young age I can remember being in awe that we could hear from our prophet.

I have wanted to take our whole family to see conference once they are all over the age of 8. But then I realized that is still 6 years away and Jared will almost be ready to leave on his mission. Sarah had the same desire to go. Every conference she would ask me when we could go so when my sister told me she had two extra tickets we jumped on the occasion.

Laura, Calvin, Sarah and I took a quick trip up driving all day Friday and we stayed with my Uncle Bruce and Aunt Carol. They really are amazing people and it was such a pleasure to visit with them. We woke up early Saturday and Sarah's excitement was infectious.

From the moment we walked into the conference center the Spirit of God filled my heart. There was something so amazing about being in a room with so many people who are all there to be filled with the word of God. We were all united in our faith and our desire to be better people.

As we waited for it to began we watched the apostles come in at different times and greet each other. They were all so loving and warm and tender to one another. The would hug or shake hands or even nudge each other in a loving fashion. When the prophet walked into this huge conference center, seating 21,000 people, everyone stood up in respect of the sweet wonderful man.

What a beautiful way to start the meeting. Oh yeah, before this the Mormon tabernacle choir was practicing and hearing them in person was so amazing. A spiritual experience indeed.

Being at this meeting was like God was speaking straight to me. The personal messages for me were said to my very bones. I have been struggling with the desire to change but not knowing how to for some time and I feel like I know have the power to be more of what my Father in Heaven wants of me.

Sarah also had an amazing experience and watching her take pages of notes was touching. During the middle of the conference we all sang together, I Know That My Redeemer Lives. To have that many people bare testimony in song all together was something difficult to put into words. Tears streamed down my face. I wonder if this is what it feels like to sing with the angels on high. Something I will not soon forget.

Another added bonus was getting to talk with my mom's brother and wife about my mom's side of the family. I gained a lot of understanding about my family. Then on the drive home we stopped in Las Vegas and talked more with my parents about my family history. I learned more about the people who came before. I got a glimpse into why I am the way I am. I wanted so much more then I was given which made me want to write down some of my own history so that my children and grandchildren can maybe have some of the answers I wish I had.

Sunday musings

2011-03-13T21:24:00.001-07:00

Do you ever just get thinking? The kind of deep thinking that can't really be resolved?

I ran across this site yesterday and I have been thinking about it ever since. I relate to this family. They have 6 beautiful children that are all still young. I can not imagine what my life would be like if I had a trial like that? How do you do your mothering when you are sick and know that your life is going to be cut short? How do you decide where to put forth your effort when you have so little energy and life left to give?

It just makes me feel a little sad. I don't know how you would handle knowing you won't be there to raise your little people. I can imagine you would want your husband to remarry but you would worry if the new wife would love your husband they way he needs to be loved our love your children the way you would?

SO then I got to wondering, am I really living? And I think the answer at the moment is... not really. I want to live with more purpose.

This lead me to wonder what my dreams are? What am I working towards for the long haul?

Big dreams-
See all of my children in the temple!
Raise hard working loving children.
Save for and then buy our forever house.
Be the kind of mother my children can be proud of.
See the world with my husband.
Run a marathon.
Write a book to help women find happiness in the journey

Then I started to think a little more simply and wondered what small things do I want to do?

Little dreams-
Start swimming again
Keep my home looking nice with good food always available
Teach Joshua to read
Create/craft more with the kids
Plan my lessons for church before Saturday
Blog/journal more
Write stories from my life, from my parents lives, from my grandparents lives
Exercise greater discipline

Its just a start but at least it is a step in the right direction. Baby steps and are still steps forward.

A burden lifted and a sigh of peace

2011-03-06T20:10:00.000-08:00

I have struggled with IBS for 7 years now. Probably longer but during my pregnancy with Joseph things seemed to get much worse. Almost a year after I had him I was in pain every day. It was pain I could manage but not enjoyable by any means. Once I realized, with the help of divine guidance, that what I ate was causing me problems I was thrilled. I quickly changed my diet and felt much better. I was so grateful to find relief I did not mind what I lost. Going with out animal protein seemed like a small price to pay.

A couple years ago my symptoms had changed and some of the foods I could once eat I no longer could. I seemed to have more pain then before for reasons I could not always tell. This lead me to seek for answers and after several tests the Dr's concluded that they believe I have IBS.

When I finally excepted there was nothing to be done but continue to watch what I eat and to mange my stress I went through a period of frustration and anger. I was mad this was a problem I will always have. I was upset that I could not eat what others could eat. I was sick of the same old foods. I was tired of not getting to eat the foods I wanted. All the complaining I did only caused me greater pain. I emotionally felt a huge burden with no end in sight. I was kicking against the pricks so to speak.

Then I finally came to the point where I began to again really except that this was my lot in life. I was not sure if it was just to strengthen me or whether it was to help keep me healthy so I could enjoy a long life. I started to again rely on my Savior to help me endure this burden. To submit to it with humility.

Over the past several months I have noticed Joseph has had an increase in stomach pains. His stomach hurts to the point that at times he would not want to eat dinner or even a special treat. He has been constipated for months and I was worried about him. I talked with his dr and she thinks he might have IBS. My first thought was one of relief. Now we can start to help him because we know what it is that is bothering him.

But then later that day I allowed doubt and fear to overcome me. I cried for my sweet boy. I was filled with empathy because I to well understood what this meant for him. I worried for how this might effect him. I worried he will feel left out when he couldn't eat the things others could. I worried about the pain he might have to deal with over his life.

I have been praying to know how to help him. Each person with IBS has different food triggers and I am not sure what his are yet. We have started by taking him off of all dairy as that is the most common trigger. Today I made a choice to add fasting to my prayer.

The lesson I taught today was all about Matthew 11:28-30. As I taught my lesson I again realized my deep need to be yoked with my Savior. To allow him to help carry my burden that it may be made light. As I was preparing for this lesson on Friday I was given this idea. I gave one boy, a wrestler, several encyclopedias. I asked him how long he could carry this burden. He said a couple minutes, maybe. Then I asked him, "If I offered you a tool that would make carrying these burdens easy would you take it?" I then gave him a rolling suitcase to put them all in. He was so cute. He walked around the room with his books. I asked him if he could carry them all day long now and he said, "oh yeah." Then he said, "This is fun."

Our Savior is that tool. When we allow Him to help us carry our burdens they can be light and even fun. It wasn't until I was teaching that I realized how much this applied to my sweet Joseph and the burden of IBS. The spirit testified to me of how much I need my Savior and that as I rely on Him all things are possible.

As if this beautiful lesson was not enough I was given even more. During our next class the lesson was the perfect compliment to Matthew 11:28-30. What I learned there I will forever hold dear to my heart. The past 7 years of trial and error with IBS made me understand the way our bodies work with much greater clarity. So much so that when my son complained of stomach aches I had some ideas what might be the problem. I learned how to alter meals excluding foods that cause troubles. It is something I can do now with very little effort.

Because of all that I have suffered I can save my son much of the pain I have had to endure. I can teach him because I already know and understand. Because I have been there I can understand what he is going through more fully. I can fight for his health and well being because I know it so well. I understand what it feels like to go for periods of time with no stomach pain and to feel such gratitude when those times come. I would go through it all again so that I could learn all I needed to learn to help my son.

Wouldn't we all do that as mothers? Take the pain so our children don't have to? This new perspective has made my burden light. My Savior changed my very thoughts so that I could find peace among this trial. So that I could even find joy (or "Fun" as my student said) in the journey.

Someone brought us chocolate covered strawberries tonight and Joseph was very said that he could not have any. I took it as a challenge to see what I could make for him that he would enjoy just as much if not more. I had bought him some soy chocolate and peanut butter ice cream the other day for occasions such as this. We melted PB and poured it over the top. He smiled so big to realize he got this special treat that no one else did. I would say he might have even thought it was fun.

So for tonight, I will sleep easier. I will rest more peacefully. I am yoked with my dear Savior in this burden. I pray that I may continue to seek him in my life and throughout all of my trials.

I leave you with this cute picture from Valentines. Now here is to finding even better treats then candy covered chocolate cupcakes.

Happy 7th Birthday Joseph

2011-02-27T20:59:00.000-08:00

For Josephs birthday this year he wanted to have a chef party with only a few friends. Wow- it so much easier to throw a party for only a few kids!!!!

I let them decorate their own cupcakes that they could take home. i had feed them so much junk they didn't even want to eat the cake I made so we sung happy birthday with Josephs cupcake. He loved that!
He loved his presents!

We played a game called oh waiter where they had to dress up like a chef and carry their tray. So funny these kids.
We made marshmallow guns and of course the boys enjoyed that.
There is his Pizza cake made out of white chocolate and fruit roll ups.
Here they had to catch popcorn thrown from above in their popcorn boxes.
The kids all seemed to have a great time. At one point we heard a little boy say, "Joseph you are my best friend ever!" Made my heart happy!

For his actual birthday I made green pasta (per Josephs request) with french fries. Fancy meal but he loved it.

In case you can't tell that is a chef hat on top of the cake.

Joseph is such a wonderful little boy. This school year he has grown so much. He reads so comfortably now and he enjoys doing his math. He loves to read to us and I love to listen. He got to play Bball this year and it was so fun to watch him play. The peewee division is my favorite. They don't really care if they win. They don't always realize they are playing a game. By the end Joseph knew his position and he knew to keep his hands up. I love watching him become a little person and not just a child.

He is still a more quiet boy. He likes to listen and take in the world around him. Often I can tell what is going on in his mind by the expressions on his face. I love the sweet smile that tells me he is pleased or the happy grin he gets when something is funny. Then there is the somber face when he is unsure. Or the contemplative face when he is trying to figure something out. The one that breaks my heart is his hurt face. It does not come often but when it does I know something serious has hurt him and I know a big hug is in order!
I love the way he loves me with snuggles and a smile. I can always tell by the look on his face that I am his mother and he loves me dearly.
Joseph, Thank you fro being a part of our family and for making our home a better place because of it!

Models

2011-02-27T20:31:00.000-08:00

Blue lily is one of my favorite photographers. I happened upon their photo blog when I first got really into photography. They live in Temecula and I have become a total blog lurker. They feel like celebrities to me. One time they offered a giveaway to win a free photo shoot. You had to facebook them to be entered into the contest. I did because I would love a session from them.

About a month ago they posted on facebook they needed preteen models. I jumped on that and sent them pictures of Jared and Sarah. When I got the email back that said yes they wanted to use my children I was so excited. They were putting on a workshop to teach others how to do what they do. They needed models to help teach how to do an indoor session and to help build these peoples portfolio. The plus for me is that I will get copies of the pictures they take! So excited!

On the way to the workshop I felt a little nervous to meet these people who I look up to in the photo world. They were great and I totally want to attend one of their workshops in the future.

I snapped these pictures outside after they were done.
How cute are these two!!! I love them.

My ah ha moment

2011-01-23T19:26:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while I have a moment of clarity that seems to put my whole life into greater perspective. This last week I was blessed with one such moment.

When I became a mother at age 20 I wanted to be the best possible mother. I was so young and had not had the opportunity to develop what kind of mother I wanted to be. I just knew I wanted to be there for my kids. I wanted to sing to them and play with them. I wanted to give them the perfect upbringing. So I looked to the women around me. I started to emulate the ones I admired. I would ask them what worked for them and I would strive to do what I thought at the time was best.

As more children came and I got a little more comfortable in my mothering I began to see what worked for us. I realized some things that I was mimicking didn't really match with what I believed or they simply didn't work for me.

Along with this came the desire to do what these women did. There was food storage, scrap booking, sewing, genealogy, photography, digital scrap booking, home decorating, blogging, jewelry making, stylish clothes, complicated job charts or parenting styles, lavish vacations, amazing parties, amazing meals, thrift store shopping, organization. I have tried all of these things plus a few more. Some I was better at then others, some I failed at and never looked back.

As I blog surf I am surrounded with people who are really good at 1 specific thing. It is their hobby, their passion their love. I know where to go for any topic mentioned above. I recognize that we all have our thing and that is a big part of why I have tried so many. I wanted to find the one thing that I was passionate about.

I was cooking dinner the other night for the family plus Emma's friend who was sleeping over and four of Jared's friends. As I worked in the kitchen and listened to the kids around me I was filled with so much peace and joy for my life. It occurred to me that they are my passion. I do not need an extra hobby to obsess over when I have my obsession right here in front of me. I love when my kids tell me thank you for the dinner or hug or good talk we shared. I love when I get to spend lunch with my husband and we talk about our day. I love when they invite friends over and I love when they let me know how much they love me.

Disclaminer- of course there are hard days and hard parts. There are days I need a break or a nap or both. But for the most part I love it. Just like any hobby, sometimes you need to step away to remember why you love it so very much.

Does this mean I don't still enjoy doing some of those hobbies mentioned above? Of course I do. But what it means for me is that I don't need them. I don't need to be the expert on anything but my family. I applaud these other women. I think it is wonderful when we each can find our "thing" and then share it with the world. I appreciate their talents and their willingness to share so that I can copy what they have done when the need or desire comes about. Or I can just enjoy looking at the beauty they have created knowing I am creating my own kind of beauty in the walls of my own home.

What this also means for me is that I can be happier in my own skin. It is like I have finally figured out my calling in life. How silly that seems to me as I write it. I have six kids. I obviously like being a mom. But embracing it as what I am good at, what I love, what I am passionate about brings me greater peace. It also helps me to let go of comparing with other moms. I am my own kind of mother with a beautiful family to tend to and care for. And for today that is more then I ever dreamed of.

Whats for dinner?

2011-01-18T20:19:00.000-08:00

I just got done reading my SIL Sarah's blog post about dinner. It got me thinking about how much I really do enjoy dinner time, most of the time.

I will start this post off with a disclaimer. Some nights while I try to cook Jacob screams and cries and won't be comforted by anyone but me. Like last night. He was having a very hard time and wanted Hugz from me. AKA he wanted me to hold him. I was stirring over the stove top and had to be careful how I held him. He was still screaming. If I put him down he cried harder. Some nights are hard like this.

With that out of the way I want to document why I love to cook for my family. I read an article from Power of Mom's a couple weeks ago that talked about why we have our children work alongside of us. It is not just to get the house clean, it is to build relationships with them. That rung so true to me as I thought about our evening routine.

I usually start in the kitchen while the kids are finishing up homework and the little ones are playing. Before long someone always joins me and asks to help. It is interesting to me that they seem to take turns and usually everyone is not all in the kitchen at once. Sometimes they are but it is not the norm.

Discussions then pursue. We will talk about their friends or the mean kids. Basketball or choir. Things they love and things they hate. Maybe because we are not being formal they are more lose with their tongues. I have learned more about my children in the kitchen then other place in my house. Even when there is nothing for them to do they will still hang out and talk with me.

Really this is what I love about being a mom. I get to be the one person they tell everything to (for a few more years at least) I love being so much a part of their lives.

Cooking dinner leads into eating it and family discussion can be just as enjoyable. Sometimes arguments do ensue but for the most part I really enjoy sitting around the table together. Kids will tell the funniest stories and I feel like this time is also good for their relationship as siblings

I did not always feel this way and I remember dreading the dinner time hour. I think having older children to enjoy it with has helped and also realizing my baby won't be little forever helps too. While he was crying yesterday I just kept thinking about the fact that I will never have a 2 year old again and some how that made the crying seem lovable.

Why me?

2011-01-16T20:34:00.000-08:00

I have been musing over a thought for the last week. The kind that sits in the for front of your mind waiting for you to figure it out. The kind you know Heavenly Father will help you with so you don't worry about it you just...ponder on it. I think last night as the answer came to me.

I have been wondering why some people have so many hard challenges, then others seem to have fairly simple no major trial lives. I was not wondering this to question my faith or question Gods purposes more of just curiosity. There are times in my life when I have had major trials. Some few that have been life altering. Other challenges just feel hard at the time but I feel confident that I will make it through. And some trials I cause myself and those are just frustrating because I know I could have prevented it.

But all in all I feel so blessed with my life. I have been given so much. A wonderful husband who is so good to me. He adores me and cares so much for my happiness. He is more patient then I thought a person could be. My children are all very bright and good and beautiful. So at times when I see life as being so wonderful I wonder why us? Why am I so fortunate to have all of this? I do not believe it is because I have done anything extraordinary. I have seen extraordinary people with far less and even more for that matter. I do not believe our lack of trials is simply because of our faithfulness or devotion to God. So what does it mean then?

And this is the conclusion I came to. When we are given much we are required much. He gives to those so they can help others around them. He tests us in our blessings to see if we will be like the good Samaritan. If we are strong in faith, will we build those around us. If we have wealth, will we feed the hungry. If we are blessed with many talents, will we give of ourselves to help those in need.

I think in life we can be both the giver and the receiver. I may go through seasons of weakness in one area and yet strengths in another. I guess what I have learned is that in my moments of blessings/weaknesses in any area of my life I need to be asking not why but how. How can I give back? How can I show gratitude to my Heavenly Father for all that I have been given?

The statement why me now takes on new meaning. Why me? Because I have something to learn or to teach. Something to give or to receive. I pray I may have the wisdom to find out what these things are on a frequent basis.

Jacob turns 2

2011-01-16T19:48:00.000-08:00

My baby is no longer a baby and with that comes both sad and exciting emotions. The sad is that I will no never have a baby who lets me hold him and rock him and love him just because I want to. The happy is the joy I get while watching him grow and develop and learn and become an amazing little boy I love to have around.

He loves to talk to all of us and is constantly telling us stories. Usually we only understand every third word or he do understand all the words they just don't really make sense when put together. He loves Toy Story so much and is constantly telling us, "Buzz, Woody, Jesse, Rex, etc." He loves to sleep with his toys and sometimes it gets a little out of hand. We know only let him take 1 or 2 and he does not always like this new rule.

He loves to run and run he does. If we are outside he will just take off and say, "Run, run." As he takes off without every looking back. He loves it so much he will even do it at church. Ryan sits up on the stand and Jacob wants to sit with him. Usually this ends up with Jacob screaming and me having to leave the chapel. Today he was standing right next to me playing nicely with a little girl who was sitting by us. He looked at me with a smile then bolted. I was not about to run down the aisle in my heels so once I realized how was out of reach I let him go to his dad. What are you gonna. do. It made me laugh as well as most of the people sitting around me. Eventually he got bored and walked back to me. Funny kid!

He also guns, balls, the trampoline, and Betty. He makes a wonderful bang bang sound, throws the ball a little to hard, would jump all day long, and pets, pokes, and feeds Betty often. They act like siblings to each other.

When we drive by Grandma's house he cries if we don't stop.

He asks for hugz when he wants to be picked up. He does love his snuggles still and this I love as well.

Jacob likes to kiss my nose and poke everyone eyes as he says, "eyes."

He really is very loving and playful and we all thank Heavenly Father often for this sweet boy who brings our family together in laughter and joy.

He was so cute when he opened his presents. He would show them to me and wait for me to take a picture of it then he wanted me to show him that picture. When I would forget to take a picture he would remind me.
I have several more pictures like these.

We got him new bedding and he was very excited about it. Sarah put it all together for him then put him in bed with his toys. He played for a while then laid down like he was going to take a nap. Sarah and I laughed.

Here is his birthday stash.This is my most favorite cake I have ever made. It was fairly easy but very rewarding and I didn't want the kids to eat it. I loved looking at it.

Once he blew out his candles he passed out the marshmallows to everyone.
Happy Birthday Jacob Hyrum. I can't wait to spend this next year with you! I love you!!

New Year!!

2011-01-02T21:12:00.000-08:00

2010 favorite moments-
New more roomy house
Betty joined our family
Enjoyed vacations as a family and as a couple. Big Bear, San Fransisco, Disneyland, Vegas, Huntington Beach
Running 14 miles up the PCH.
Learning about the Power of Moms and Mind Organization for Moms.
Jared received the priesthood.
Sarah gets high honors at school.
Emma's fun b-day party.
Joseph learned how to read well! He is now over the 200 word club at school.
No major hospital visits for Joshua.
Jacob became our happy little boy and left baby behind (even if we do still call him baby.)
Ryan getting to spend more quality time with us.

I have decided that for this year I am going to do my goals a little bit differently. Instead of writing down all the things I want to do or become I am picking one main thing to work on and then I am writing out all the ways I can accomplish it.

A few weeks ago when I was feeling rather negative and very stressed out through the council of my husband I received the answer that I was to simplify. I have been thinking about that ever since and trying to figure out what that really means for me. So with that in mind I have decided that for 2011 I am going to focus all my efforts on Simplicity!

I am going to first and foremost devote more time to the Lord by reading my scriptures and kneeling in personal prayer every day. Not just casual study and casual prayer but the kind of study and discuss with my Father that I get to know both my Heavenly Father and Savior in a much more real and intimate way. I will have more time to do this because I will spend less time doing things that don't really matter. (like redecorating my house, shopping, lack of a good schedule)

Which brings me to number two. I will come up with a two week menu for all meals. I will then shop on line by week and have those shopping lists saved that I order every monday night. This will save on time and energy (I will know what is for dinner, I won't have to run out to the store for the one item I am lacking which will also save me money, I will be home with the kids at dinner time not running around worrying about dinner, kids will have lunch food-always, milk won't run out, I will be much more relaxed at dinner time and my kids will enjoy time cooking with me in the kitchen)

Third on my list will be to come up with a cleaning schedule. This will include displaying the laundry schedule I have created that works wonders when I use it. This is to be something very rough and not to be stressful. Just a basic every day schedule of things like when I will pick up the kitchen and when I will make my bed. I want ot have a set schedule for every day so that Josh and Jacob know what to expect.

This leads me into the fourth item. Create a daily schedule that includes more play time with the kids and more play time with the boys during the day. The idea for me is to be home more and more available for every day enjoyment with the little ones.

Fifth is to teach Joshua how to read. He loves writing his letters and asks me how to spell everything. He is ready and excited. I am ready. This is his year.

Sixth is potty train Jacob. I recognize this does not sound like it goes with simplifying but it really does. Once he is potty trained I will never have to buy diapers for my children again. This has been 12-13 years coming and I am excited to simplify in this way.

Seventh is to spend even more quality time with Ryan. With our busy schedule sometimes we don't get enough good time together. By letting using my time more wisely I will now have more time in the evenings to just enjoy him.

Eight figure out how to simplify the kids job charts. I am not sure yet if that means keeping it the same with a few modifications or a whole new redo. I think modifications would be the best.

Ninth I will schedule the year with everything that I can. Including time for special day long dates with Ryan, birthday parties, anniversary, weekly date night with kids, basketball, piano etc. I want everything on there. That way I will always know what is going on and when I really do have extra time.

Tenth will be to come up with a Family home evening schedule for the year. A rotation of who will teach, offer prayer, snack, etc.

And eleventh I will be VERY selective about adding anything extra to my list.

All of this will be a tool to help me be home enjoying my family more. So that when I am home I am not stressed or feeling anxiety. This way I will be able to be more emotionally available for my kids.

Growing up I never loved my name. I always thought it was boring and I dreamed of something more exotic or more beautiful sounding. This last week I got to think about the importance of a name and that I was sure my name meant more then I had previously given it credit for. So I decided to Google it (Google answers all of our questions right?) What I found was that my name meant to be joyful, bright, or cheerful. At first I didn't think much of it. But as it sat in my brain a thought formed. I believe that I was sent here on this earth to do just that. To find the joyful, the bright, and the cheerful. That when I don't feel it I am to seek it out and let it fill my surroundings.. That as I learn to do this more fully I will more completely fulfill my mission here on earth. So that is why I want to simplify... so that I may have an open heart and mind to fill my life with more joy, brightness, and cheer.

I am so excited about this next year. I am optimistic it will exceed my hopes and expectations. Here is to looking forward!!!

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas!

2011-01-01T09:47:00.000-08:00

It came a little late but we sure did enjoy it. A few of the kids asked for snow for Christmas. So Ryan and I decided to rent a cabin and let them enjoy time in the snow. This place was so perfect for us. 2 bedrooms plus a loft that held a bunk bed and a twin. It snowed the night we got there and the entire next day. So wonderful! The best part was the back yard. It was huge and had a big slope. The kids could sled in our back yard! This proved to be more useful then I could have imagined.

A couple days before Christmas I got sick. I by the time of our vacation I still was not doing any better. With the amazing yard I was able to stay inside most of the time (Joseph also got sick the morning after we got there.) When the kids got cold they would take off their wet clothes and let them dry in front of the dryer. Then when they were ready they would head out again. It really was so great to watch them!

Once we got to the cabin we didn't leave until it was time to go. We made all of our meals there. We entertained ourselves there. It was great. Dinner tasted better there. I made dinner the first night and Ryan the second. He made hamburgers for him and the kids and lobster for me. It was so good. The best lobster I have ever had! We played lots of board games and even enjoyed a talent show. It was one of my favorite vacations!

Talent show pictures.

The only sad part was coming home.

Some days just feel hard- update

2010-12-13T20:25:00.000-08:00

And some weeks or months or maybe just some seasons feel harder then others. I feel in a funk and I am not sure how to get out of it. I feel as though I am in a constant state of agitation. My kids fight, my house gets messy, these are not new things but I don't feel like I am handling Motherhood the way I always envisioned I would. I have moments of greatness so to speak. The times I just feel like I handled a contentious situation just right or we have an amazing discussion. Or even we simply enjoyed just playing together.

But right now I feel like those moments are not often enough. When the kids are all home we have homework, then basketball or music, then mutual and more Basketball. Dinner together then family clean up time. Prayers and the bed time routine. I feel "on" all the time. I find myself sitting at the table, my body is there but my mind is in denial of all I have to do and be and I just can't handle the pressure. There is no real vacation for this kind of job. When I am away from them I worry about them. I ponder on how I can be better. Yet I constantly fall short. Is that just part of motherhood? Will I ever feel like I've got this thing down?

How do I get out of my mind long enough to enjoy my kids and my life more fully? Maybe it is the simple truth that I am in charge of 6 children 24-7. Worrying about them growing older. Wondering how they will turn out. How long will they hate me for? How do I deal with pre-teenagers and then real teenagers? I already get back talk and attitude from Jared and Sarah. How am I supposed to handle it as they get older?

Sarah made some comment today to me how I have 6 kids so I should have it all figured out by now but sometimes I feel more clueless then I did with one. At least then I don't think I had a clue of all that I could do wrong.

Wow this post sounds so depressing. I guess I just need to figure some things out. I do have hope that I will. Sometimes I just wish I didn't have to do so much learning and growing. I wish I could just be the person I want to be.

-----------------------Update-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After I wrote this post I went here and read this article. I then felt the quiet whisperings of my Father above. During church today I was reminded of something the youth had been asked to do, but I had yet to experience. They were admonished to pray vocally on their knees for 30 minutes. If ever I needed this experience it was now. I could feel my Father nudge me forward and so I locked my self in the closet and turned out the lights. What then inspired was a tender moment for me I shall not soon forget. I felt a deep connection to my Father and to my Savior. I felt the need for them and the peace that came from letting them in. I poured my whole soul out and in return allowed space for peace. Unexpected answers came and I feel like they have been coming all day.

Basically, it's ok to fail and it's ok to try again. It's OK for me to redefine what the best kind of a mother is for me and for my children. I now see how much I need my Savior in this journey of motherhood as I can not do it on my own. Why do I forget this? And what can I do to remember it more fully besides tattooing it on my brain? The answer was so simple I had forgotten it. Conversing daily, truly discussing my family and my life with my Eternal Father. Seeking his advice and guidance and then going to the scriptures to hear his answers.

How glorious is the light of a brand new day with new insight and new direction.

Art Gallery Party

2010-12-12T20:00:00.000-08:00

I had so much fun planning Emma's party. I think I like planning parties almost as much as my children like having them. All the ideas for this party came straight from onecharmingparty.com
She has a plan you just print out and go do. Much less stress and this party was very inexpensive. All the girls seemed to have a great time. I also realized how much more fun it is to have a party for older girls. They could do the crafts without help. I didn't worry about them painting the walls. The mostly just wanted to play with each other. They listened to what I was telling them. And they were all so grateful when everything was said and done.

I have uploaded so many pictures that I think I am going to leave them in the random order they came.

This is the table they first came to. They signed their names to the featured artist list and then drew a self portrait for Emma to keep to remember her friends by.

Before the guests arrived EmmaLee and her friend Jordyn decorated the table with sticker then during the party the girls made this paper chain.

While opening presents Emma was so excited she was being super silly and making the funniest faces.

The cake and I had a little of a love hate relationship. I first covered it in fondant and it looked so great. Then by the morning the fondant got a big air bubble in it I couldn't fix. Pulling off the fondant caused it to go crooked and I finally gave up and said good enough. Last minute I made some tie dye circles for the candles. The girls all thought it was great once I cut into it.

Here is one of the three art projects. They made birds out of feathers and air drying clay.
Snacks consisted of tye dye rolls, cheese, grapes, rainbow gold fishes, and rainbow cookies.
I made these simple "smocks" for each of the girls out of cheap mens t-shirts. I added the little yo-yo's and tied them with rainbow ribbon. One of the girls even slept in hers that night.

Their second art project was to paint a water color painting. I think they did a pretty good job.

Here they are as they came in.

Getting ready for the guests.

I have wanted a reason to make a lollipop tree ever since I first saw them. Super easy and so cute.

This is the bird craft table
Water color painting table.
the tye dye candle spots.
The girls were so much fun. I also realized that all 8-9 year old girls have messy hair and it is not just my daughter. I think they play to hard to have their hair stay pretty.

My baby girl is 9

2010-11-28T20:43:00.000-08:00

Why is it so strange for this mother when her little people get older? Its a mix of emotions both sad and happy both proud and scared. She is such a wonderful person who I love to be around. Each year she gets more wonderful and each year I worry for her. She is so sweet and innocent. So smart and talented. She has made me several pictures in the past few days and I love them all. I sure do love EmmaLee!

We started out the day by going and getting Emma cinnamon rolls per her request. We then opened her presents and hung out around the house together. She is such a smiley happy girl and always the peacemaker. We love hanging around together. Then she went with her Grandma and Grandpa to eat lunch and pick out a present for her. I love this tradition they have started and the kids all look forward to special one on one time with them. She stayed there and played for awhile.
She finally came home and we made her favorite for dinner. White pasta with chicken. Then of course we made her a cake. I wasn't planning on doing anything fancy but then Sarah had this idea to make an artists palette since Emma loves art so much. Emma helped me with the paint brush. Fondant really is fun to play with and it really does add a nice touch.

Then yesterday Lauren came and took her out to dinner to the love boat. Emma loves sushi like Jared, Ryan, and I do. She loves Lauren and really enjoys the time they spend together. Lauren came over and played hide and go seek in the dark with all the kids and they all think she is the best!

Junior high

2010-11-28T20:16:00.001-08:00

My son is starting Junior high tomorrow. Technically he has been going to Junior high already. He has been attending a charter school where he only goes to school a few hours 2 times a week. He sits in the same class we the same kids. He has not been in public school since second grade and I worry. Junior high holds some very deep memories for me. The time I got one of the leads in the musical and I could not have been more excited. The graduation party my friends threw and I felt so cool. Shopping at the mall with friends and calling boys on the phone. My first dance.

So why do I feel so nervous? For all the other deep memories. Trying to find the right friends. Not doing homework and getting into trouble. Kids being mean to not really me but other kids. The silent treatment from girls you thought were your friends. Lies. Feeling very uncool.

Jared is a very confident kid. He is comfortable with who he is and I admire that in him. He has friends at the school already and I do believe it will be good for him. He is so excited and for that I am thrilled. The momma bear in me wants to protect him from the harshness of the world but that same momma understands he also needs to experience it. Being a mother is hard. Harder then I thought it would be and it keeps being hard for different reasons.

Thanksgiving day.

2010-11-25T20:54:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving food for me is not something as a vegan I get very excited about. In fact I am usually a little to hungry by the end of the day. Food in general is somewhat of a sore spot for me and kind of a love hate relationship.

But this year I decided to make a bunch of dishes I was excited about and that were totally vegan. I made vegan stuffing, (plus a non-vegan sausage and apple stuffing for everyone else) vegan green bean casserole with the yummiest mushrooms, asparagus and bell peppers, and glazed carrots. My MIL made homemade rolls with no butter just for me and my SIL made a batch of potatoes just for me. I was so thrilled. It really felt like a Thanksgiving feast and I felt grateful for food.

We spent the day at my MIL's and we all had such a good time visiting. Cousins are the best!

Joseph and Ethan spent a good amount of time wrestling on the trampoline. They were very kind to eachother even though they were wrestling. It was hilarious to watch.
After pi we enjoyed watching Tangled together. It was cute and it made me laugh. That's all. Then it was time to tuck the tuckered little people into bed so that I could head out to door for some crazy Toys-R-Us shopping. I am not a Black friday shopper usually but my friend invited me and the store opened at 10 not 2 or 4 in the morning. I figured if I was going to try it that was a time frame I could work with. We got in line at 8. About 150 people were in front of us and it really wasn't to crazy yet.

But as we waited the 2 hours things got crazy. The line was wrapped around the building and I could not even begin to guess how many people were there. As it was almost opening time people started to cut in lone which made others made. Workers are not paid enough to really do anything about it. They let 50 people in at a time every 15-20 minutes until they reach 600 people. Seriously? 600 people in one store is crazy. At one point I was stuck in the back of the store with my cart because there was a bad traffic jam. Some people are mean and grouchy others are just dumb. I rushed to find all that I needed then headed to the line which only took about an hour. Right after I got in line it grow 4x behind me. I guess we all finished about the same time. It really was kinda fun and you do get a little bit of a rush. I got home about midnight and I don't think I ever need to do anything like that again.

I am thankful for new experiences!

The Perfect Mother continued

2010-10-31T13:29:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween! My kids did their very own pumpkins this year. With my inability to help they went to it with a little help from the Man.

I love parties. I love to plan them and throw them. I love to think of cute food items and clever crafts/games. My mom always had cute themes and I know I learned this love from her. With Halloween coming and being on a Sunday I had decided it would be the best time to have fun planning a family party. I got tons of ideas and I was all set to go. I delegated out food assignments, I had my stations all planned out, and I was feeling so excited to see it all come together.

Well...here comes the part where I learn the lesson again to let go of perfection. (Perfection in my mind is having a well laid plan and executing it perfectly. I recognize this has never happened and I see my need of letting this false ideal go.) I am not recovering from my appendectomy like I would hope. I feel worn out and I feel nausea. It has been a little over a week since I came home and I am ready to feel tip top. But I don't. I recognized last week that I would not be able to do what I wanted in regards to my little party and I conceded. I asked for help and my family has all stepped up to help me. They are great like that.

I left myself the job of making dessert and decorating the juice bottles to look like mummies. I tried last night to do the mummy juices. They turned out so cute, all 4 of the 19 I made. I just could not sit the way I needed to to get it done. Oh well. I actually let it go and didn't get discouraged. This is big for me.

Then this morning I set about to tell my children how to make the vision I had for the desserts. But we are out of eggs. My husband ate them for breakfast. At first I started to fell my old perfectionist self come out. The one that gets a little tense and frustrated that things are not going according to plan. My husband nicely reminded me it didn't really matter. I always know he is right but it often takes me time to admit it. I called a friend to borrow eggs. She has half what I need which is great. I use powdered eggs for the other part.

The cake doesn't cook right and I don't care. It doesn't look how I envisioned and I still love it. The kids did most of the work while I supervised and I know they are proud of their work. And I am proud of me. I stayed calm and enjoyed the imperfect process. Maybe I can get used to imperfection after all. It is much more fun.

My house is not as clean as I would like it but all I can do is sit here and stare at it. Will anyone have a less enjoyable time because I have dust bunnies, clutter, partial mummy juices, or my cake isn't perfect? Of course not. Just typing that is freeing!

*********UPDATE**************
After I wrote that all out I looked over at my 4 mummies and realized that I also will have 4 Activity stations. I then hopped over (wish I could really hope right now) to onecharmingparty
and print out her little Halloween cats and used them as station markers. and they look super cute.
In case you are wondering my four stations are:
1.Pumpkins made out of toliet paper rolls, and tissue paper.

2.Owl cupcakes

3.Leis for the soldiers. I just love this idea. My SIL Amy asked if she could have the kids do this. They take all of their unwanted candy and donate it to the pile. We then make candy leis with plastic wrap and curling ribbon. We will then as a family go to meet the soldiers who have no one to meet them when they come home from active duty and give them the leis. The kids will then get to feel more gratitude for these men who give so much for our freedom.

4. Gratitude Chain. The kids will each write or draw a picture of something they are grateful for then we will tape it all together place the chain in my kids craft room/homework room and we will add to it through out the whole month. That way will focus more on what we have instead all we want with xmas coming around.

A craft, a service project, a dessert, and an uplifting thought. That is what every party needs right?

Halloween

2010-10-30T20:33:00.000-07:00

The kids had a good time tonight at the church trunk-or-treat. Since Halloween is going to fall on a Sunday we decided to only do this instead. I sat in the car passing out candy and it was cute seeing all the little and not so little kids. We brought Betty and she seemed to have a good time as well. It was nice to be apart of things even when I am still not fully recovered.

The Perfect Mother

2010-10-27T08:51:00.001-07:00

I read this blog post http://71toes.blogspot.com/2010/10/myth-of-perfect-mother.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+71toesrss+%2871+toes+RSS%29
today while laying in bed feeling tired and frustrated that I am yet to recover from surgery. I have missed being the everyday mother. I feel as though I am learning how not to expect perfection from myself. I have felt greater peace as I have learned on a deeper level that no, I can't make everyone happy all of the time, including myself.
I have come up with a quick little mantra to help when I notice I have become frustrated with my lack of perfection. It is amazing how understanding my purpose can give me such peace of mind.

I am not perfect. That is not my purpose here.
I will trip and fall then learn and rely.
My savior is the only way
No matter what else I might try.

Winding down the summer with one last adventure.

2010-09-06T18:37:00.000-07:00

After getting our dog Betty it became a challenge to know how to take the kids on vacation. Then with sicknesses, a broken leg, and more sickness our summer was a little less then what we were expecting. Life has been a little stressful the last couple of weeks and I just really needed my family.

So I have this great idea to take the family to go visit my sister and my parents in Vegas. Saturday, after swimming in the pool with cousins, we get in my car and it is dead. We jump it and yay, it works. By the time we get to my parents house Ryan has me leave it on while he takes a look at it and it dies on him. Hmmm

Our plan was to come home first thing Monday morning to avoid labor day traffic. But that is kinda hard with a dead car. All the shops are closed till Tuesday because of the holiday. Everyone needs a little vacation, right?

I love my excursion. We named it hippo when we first got it because it is so huge and it weighs the same as a hippo. It is comfortable and we have a good relationship. So good it has 158,000 miles on it. I have always believed you drive cars till they are either un-drivable or more expensive to fix then they are worth.

And I am sad to say we are now ready to part ways. I will miss my huge boat. I will miss all of it's extra space. I will even miss the dings I have given it. The ones I was upset about at the time but I know laugh at and have great memories about.

But with this departure will come a new adventure. A much smaller cuter one. Used but not to used. Loved but not to much. It is a Honda, it is black, and I can already tell we will get along just splendidly. (don't you just love that word?)

I'm sitting in the dealership waiting for it to be spruced up as I type away on my phone (by the way, how cool is technology that I can now blog from my phone)

I'll post a picture when we get back.

2nd Day of School

2010-08-31T20:18:00.001-07:00

> Today after dropping the kids off at school Joshua was rather upset. He was sad to see them go and sad they would not be playing with him. I asked him if he wanted to go to the movies with me and he said no. All he wanted to do was go shopping to a new store. He told me this with a sad depressed sounding voice. Then he decided all he really wanted to do was go get ice cream. Silly kid.

This was a very indulgent Vacation

2010-08-31T13:51:00.000-07:00

Why do I say that? Because I hardly did anything productive the whole 5 days we were there. I slept, read, swam, ate, shopped, read, swam, ate..... It was great. I never do anything like that and I completely enjoyed myself. By the end I was very ready to come home and I very much missed my children.

Ryan had to work most the time we were in Vegas but at night and a few odd times here and there we got to spend some much needed time together. I love this man and getting to have so much undisturbed by little people time was wonderful.

Here is my view from the pool. The weather was really nice for laying out by the pool but maybe a little to hot otherwise.
One Thursday night they had a business dinner for their VIP clients. Here are the winners of the raffle. The best prize was an ipad. Ryan had me pull the tickets and you could feel the disappointment from those who won things like a snuggie. It made me kind of smile since they did win something.
Here we are for the few minutes we actually got to be together. All the members wanted to talk to him. He kind of seemed like a celebrity.Ryan gettin his groove thing on as we head out to dinner and a late night movie. We decided to go see inception. Which I j=had not heard anything about. It was so good I kinda want to see it again.

The hotel bad was actually really comfortable. I thought I would sleep in but I was to excited each day that I ended up getting up fairly early. I didn't want to waste my free time sleeping.

Wednesday a group of there clients went to go see the mentalist. He was pretty good and intriguing. I would love to now he did his tricks.
Tuesday night Ryan took me to go see The Phantom of the Opera. The opera house was really cool with the manicans in the side seats and the chandelier was interesting. I really do love seeing a good show. We enjoyed ourselves and afterward we enjoyed a wonderful dinner in the Paris Hotel (that is where we were staying)
And this picture is just because my husband is so darn good looking. I love this man more then I could express. And I so love this look of his. It says, "I am happy and content with life."

This picture makes me laugh. I did not realize there was a huge stripper bar behind us. One that even had a giant statue. Ryan took a self portrait of us and I asked him to make sure he got the background. When I looked at the picture I realized what the background was. This is us trying to take a do over without laughing.
I also got to spend Thursday with my sister. She is writing a book and we went over it together. What she has to offer will be so valuable for women out there. I am excited for her to get it on the shelves.

12 year old Jared gets a trip to San Francisco

2010-08-30T20:49:00.000-07:00

We have decided that when our children turn 12 we will take them on their own special vacation with just Ryan and I. It has always been important to us that we give our children special one on one time so that they can always feel of the tremendous amount of love we have for them.

It was a beautiful thing to watch Jared get to be an only child and to allow him to have no responsibilities. Being the oldest I think a lot falls on him and he usually handles it so well that I think this break from school and siblings was a welcome one. Plus we got to enjoy him with no distractions.

We packed so much fun into 3 days that when we got home known of us wanted to wake up the next day.

Follows are a bunch of pictures in no real order.

Sausilito
While walking along the shores Jared noticed a tremendous amount of crabs in the rocks. He wanted so bad to catch one but they were to fast (And I wouldn't let him climb to far down the rocks.)

Then we came across this man stacking rocks? Who knew. He concentrated so hard I was tempted to cough loud or laugh obnoxiously.
For lunch we stumbled across this Norwegian diner. People were lined up outside to wait for seating. Ryan order the special and it was very good. I asked to owner what he liked best and was surprised with a smoked salmon and creamed spinach and Jared enjoyed a second breakfast. I tasted all of it and can I just say YUMMMY! So good for very different reasons.

At the civil war reenactment at a fort under the Golden Gate bridge they had a "Dr" To tell us all about how things were back then. Jared got Really creeped out when he explained that it was a common practice to be bleed. If you had an ailment they would drain your blood to try to get out the infection. So strange. Ryan and I wondered what practices they do today that we will one day look at as strange.

On top of the fort freezing immensely.
My moys under the Golden Gate Bridge.
Practicing an army drill.
Under the Bridge. For some reason I was just so fascinated the whole trip with the different architecture.

Us at the top of Lombard street then below the famous winding street.
Ryan patiently awaiting his dinner at The House of Nanking. I asked a local where they thought the best place to eat in China town was and we were directed to head hear. The line will go out the building and around the block. The place is truly a grand whole in the wall and the service was horrible but the melt in your mouth calamari was to die for and I am craving it not just thinking about it! So yummy!

By this point we had worn Ryan out and his back and feet were tired so we agrred to meet up after Jared and I enjoyed walking around China town. He was the perfect shopping buddy and we had a great time enjoying the shops, culture, and people. We also found something to bring home to each of the kids.

When I asked Jared what his favorite part about day 2 he said "The apple store and the Ferrari store" Cars and technology. I guess that means my son is truly turning into a teenager. He drove this mini car around the store for a long time. He was impressed with the handing and turning ability.

We enjoyed walking around Union Square but there sure were a lot of people. Some kind of scary and I was surprised to find that Jared would let me hold his. It was nice!Jared thought this Smart car was just his size and enjoyed getting a feel of what it will be like to be behind the wheel.
This is the roof in the mall. SO beautiful.
The lighting in our little French restaurant.
The yummy french food that was almost as good as the real thing.
Interesting buildings every where we went. I wish I had taken more pictures of them.
The beautiful flower garden in Golden Gate Park.
We enjoyed a nice walk around the park and here are some of our adventures.
This squirrel came right up to my feet. No fear what so ever.

We must have been in a really silly mood. I guess that is what relaxation does to a person.
Boys never do grow up fully.

This albino Alligator was fascinating to look at. This was in the Natural History Museum. I loved this place tons and enjoyed learning along side my smart men.
This is the ceiling in the Museum.

We walked a mile or so up and down some steep hills to dinner our first night. Jared was so tired (we did wake up around 4) That Ryan offered to carry him for a long portion of the walk home.Over looking Alcatraz. Jared and I were most excited about his. I did not realize tickets sold out days in advance and we were both super bummed. Luckily there were so many other amazing things to do we got over it super fast.
Pier 39. While here we bought a ridiculous amount of salt water taffy, watched the sea lions lounge, enjoyed the aquarium, learned how to float/levitate objects, shopped, and ate some yummy brunch.

When Ryan saw this sign he said, "That is strange, they don't want us to pick up our trash?"

Jared skipping rocks when we first got into San Fran.Just outside the stadium where the football team that is based out of San Francisco. (I really don't follow football, is it obvious?)

This is outside City hall. I liked the look of the building.I am so thrilled we were able to do this. The time we spent was so valuable and even though I tremendously missed the other kids I will always hold this trip in a special place in my heart. I sure loves this young man and I am so darn proud of him!

Sunday evening thoughts

2010-08-29T21:25:00.000-07:00

It has been to long and I plan to blog a ton in the coming weeks but for now I had to write my feelings. I am sad and proud, worried and excited, content and yet concerned. Lets start with the good. I have been thinking a lot about my three oldest children. Probably because I ask so much of them and sometimes I worry but right now I feel Heavenly Father has opened my eyes to all that is good in these three very different and very special and unique off spring of mine.

Jared is so confident for his age and seems to handle himself so well. He has an amazing understanding of the gospel. He knows what is right and strives to do what he knows. He is smart and good looking. He has such a tender heart and I feel so blessed to have him as my first born son to lead such a great example for the rest of my little blessing. Plus he is very concerned about me and making sure I am happy. He loves it when he can make me laugh and so do I.

My next post is going to be all about our trip to San Fran with just Jared. More about him to come.

Sarah today set such a great example to me and I was rather humbled. She has been so nervous about starting a new school tomorrow and worrying about if the other girls will be nice to her. Last night she decided to turn to the scriptures. She came back to me and showed me a paper she had written. In this paper it described Ruth and what she went through as she had to go to a new place and meet new people. She then compared herself to Ruth and how if Ruth can find peace so can she. Then today she decided to fast that Heavenly Father would help her make friends. Sarah showed me the way to deal with hardships and uncertainty. Random side note- We got her star testing this week and she got a 100% on every single test. I didn't even know you could do that.

Sarah has been working on writing a book during the summer. She finished it up the other day and it is over 20 pages long. It is funny and very well written. She plans on saving her money up so that she can have it put into the Amazon store. I think some day her name will be well known.

EmmaLee, My sweet precious Emmy. I think often she feels the pressure of being Sarah's little sister. When we got her star testing results she did amazing and was above average in almost everything. I believe she scored better then the other kids did at her age. But she seemed disappointed with her results at first. She was comparing herself to Sarah. I told her again how smart I know she is and told her that her scores were simlilar to Sarahs when Sarah was 8. Then today her church primary teachers were over and they just couldn't say enough good things about how smart and wonderful my Emma is. She seemed to really beam. They gave her what I could not. Another Great example to me that Heavenly Father is very aware of us.

Emma is also very artistic and creative. She drew a bunch of beautiful letters for me today. She seems to think in pictures and I am excited to watch her talent grow. She loves to mommy the little boys. Helping them when ever they need it. Betty has become her little side kick and I think she would let Betty sleep in her bed if I let her.

Why the sadness? Tomorrow is their first day back to school and our summer was interrupted way to much by sickness and I felt like I missed out on my children and the fun we were going to have. I am sad to see them leave my home and I will miss them. Now Joseph will be gone all day too and I just feel sad for myself. On a good note, we live so close to the school I will get to walk them to school in the morning. I have always wanted to be able to do that.

My beautiful friend Kim and her Hubby Dave.

2010-08-29T21:18:00.000-07:00

I am in love with this TuTu.

Becoming

2010-06-28T13:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we went to my BIL's ward becasue he was called as the new bishop. The old bishops wife spoke about how she is sad to have her husband released because she has seen so many blessings come from his willingness to serve. When Ryan was called into the bishopric the old 2nd counselor said similar things and at the time it was a huge comfort to me. I was feeling overwhelmed with the thought of going to church every Sunday without the help of Ryan. To losing him all day Sunday and also Wednesday nights. But her words helped me to see that we too would be blessed in ways I had not even imagined.

As I pondered on this yesterday my mind begin to be opened to the blessings we have already received. We have moved to a bigger more comfortable house and to a better school. Ryan and I's relationship has improved and our love seems to be felt even more then it already was. I have learned how to be more organized and less stressed. I am learning how to play with the kids and enjoy life more. I have been given the calling at church to teach the youth sunday school and it has been my favorite so far. I could go on and on.

It feels as though the sun has just come over the mountains and I am finally becoming the person I have always wanted to be. And that is because my husband is willing to give so much time to the Lord we are being blessed more then imagined. I feel so blessed beyond what I had hoped for and I can understand why someone would not want to loss out on service opportunities.

Strange to say that in such a short period of time we could be blessed so much. Can't wait to see what the years to come hold in store for us!

SO my word for the month of July and possibly the rest of the year- Becoming!

The power within!

2010-06-16T19:43:00.000-07:00

I am now over a month over due on my photo blog. Been taking pictures just not updating. It will have to wait one more week. With moving and trying to get my house in order it has not been number one on my list. And for the first time I have not guilt associated with that. I have an amazing sense of confidence and peace that has began to stir in my heart and soul and I feel like I am a brand new woman. What changed? The Power of Mom's retreat.

If you have never heard of the power of moms please check them out here. It was founded by two of the most amazing mom's (Linda Eyre's daughter Saren and April Perry) who I have now been privileged to visit with, learn from, and be uplifted by. As well as other mom's who contribute their insigts into the wonderfulness of motherhood. It is all very poistive and there is no negative "bashing" going on. It is a safe place for mothers to come and learn how to be better mothers.

Why am I giving such a huge plug? Because I feel like I did when I first got married and the world was in front of me. I was going to do such wonderful things for my children. But then life came and stress happened and I lost some of that passion and zest. Now I feel like me again. No stress just ambition. And for the first time in a long time a really feel like I am going to be able to become the mom I have always wanted to be.

And on top of that we were given a program called Mind Organization for Mom's. Link here. This is changing my life. If anyone is interested let me know so I can tell you more about it. For the first time my inbox is empty. My ideas are all in one spot, and it is not the chaos that was my brain. I know where all of my important papers are and I know when I need to be places. I am also in the process of making a master schedule and then I will really be able to know if I have time to help someone with a project instead of instinctively saying no because I "know" I have to much on my plate. When I get new ideas I now feel excited that at some point I will be able to accomplish it because all those ideas are now easy to find and again out of my brain. I don't feel that nagging that I am forgetting something. I have been sleeping better and the knot in my shoulder that I have carried for over six years is gone. That is huge.

To sum things up I feel like a happy healthier me. The true me. It feels so good and energizing. With all that I learned and how it has changed my life I am thinking of starting a learning circle locally. I seriously want to help other mom's feel the way I feel.

I am re-reading what I wrote and it sounds like a sales pitch. I should write them a testimonial for their site. I love it that much.

Miracles

2010-05-10T19:32:00.000-07:00

I had a rather strange experience today and I felt the need to write it down. Have you ever heard of the most amazing women around named Stephanie Nielsen? She has a blog here. And a most amazing video here. This amazing women with a divine example of beauty has forever changed my life and the way I view the mundane and ordinary. After I first watched this short video I sat at my computer more emotional then expected. I thought about my life. My big trials and little ones. I pondered on how I have handled them. Both triumphantly and not so eloquently. But one thing I realized I had in come with stunning Stephanie. I too have a deep testimony of my Savior Jesus Christ. I too have looked upon hard trials (none as serious as hers) and felt gratitude for them and the blessings I have recieved becasue I was faithful throughtout. I have also wished them to leave and desired for an absence of the pain I feel while in the thick of it. But what I walked away feeling was a desire to find the glorious, the beauty, the miracle in every single day. I feel they are there just awaiting my discovery. Looking for me to point out and feel a little more deeply.

Miracles of today
1. the example of Stephanie
2. the blessing of a wonderful sister who means more to me then she will ever understand
3. the power of prayer and the strong conviction of faith it can give its recipients
4. Love. The love I feel from my husband on a daily basis even when I know I am not worthy of it.
5. An overwhelming desire to live. Not just endure or go through the motions but to truly live!

That is just in the last 12 hours. My heart strings have been stirred and I wish them to sing a song of lasting impression so that I may hold with me the thoughts and feelings of this one moment.

These little people are the reason I am alive. They are what I pray for, hope for, and dream about. I wish for them mundane and boring. That in those quiet moments they may began, as I have, to discover who they are and their tremendous worth in the sight of God

2010-04-11T19:16:00.000-07:00

I have been wanting to write about my running experience but I was hoping to wait until I had good news. Two weeks ago today I was having a great run. The kind where I achieved total flow. Meaning I felt at peace with the world and I felt as though this is what I am meant to do at this time in my life. I came to the most amazing realization- if I have to walk several miles I am going to finish this marathon. It helped to relieve stress I had been feeling wondering if
this is really something I could do. Then with about 1 mile left in my 7 mile run I felt sharp pain threw my knew as I heard a loud cracking sound. It caused me to hop step. I was able to regain myself and finish my run. My knee really didn't bother me to much until the next day when I could only run a mile before I felt the pain again. I was frustrated by this point. How was I going to do my first 16 miler?

We were going to be staying in Huntington and I love the nice flat beautiful area. I ended up spending three hours on the elliptical in the gym. When I was done I felt pretty good. My knee didn't hurt to bad. Monday I saw the chiro and he said I should be ok. So that night I was able to do a 5 mile run on the treadmill. Then Wednesday again about two miles in sharp pain. Ryan had to come get me. More chiro. biked Thursday.

When I started my long run sat I felt so good. I have missed running outside. Then two miles in the knee pain is back. After more chiro and more bike riding I am starting to wonder if I am
going to able to do this? Tuesday night I had watched on YouTube videos of people doing my marathon. So inspiring. I could really visualize myself there running and finishing this marathon. Mentally I had finally really got there. Really believing I have got this. Now it is my body that is really testing me.

I am hoping for a Cinderella story here.
Happy ever after. But if I am never able to do this I am so grateful for the experience. I have learned so much about myself and about life while training. I no longer stress about what I can't change. In the past I would be so upset and stressed about my knee problems. But I
feel strength from on high. I recognize that all I can do is all I can do and that is enough. I have also learned that pushing my self to do hard things is more rewarding then imagined. I have run 14 miles. I never thought I would be able to do that but I did and I loved it.

***Update
Yesterday I tried one more time. The whole week I laid off running. I biked and did more elliptical trying to keep up endurance. I got a brace for the run on Saturday. I have been icing it 2-3 times a day. I was even using a roller to try to work the muscles. I had decided that if I can't run I can't Saturday I can't do the marathon. I was doing ok until about 3 miles. I got farther then last week but just not far enough. Then I had another great thought. (I think the holy ghost speaks to me when I exercise) Just because I am unable to do this marathon does not mean I will never be able to finish one. I am already look for a new one. I have decided to take a month or two to try and heel my knee. I will keep biking and elliptical and maybe swimming. I will start doing strengthen exercises so that I hopefully won't ever have this problem again. And then I will start to train all over again. I hope that what I have gained from training will quickly come back to me and that I don't have to start from scratch. I am looking into the St George marathon.

He makes me cry...

2010-04-10T20:36:00.000-07:00

...and I mean that in the best possible way. Twice this week this mini man has brought me to tears. On Friday I was feeling very frustrated about my knee problems and my inability to run. When I left the house to run some errands he over heard me tell Ryan how sad it mad me feel. While I was out I happened to check my email on my phone and this is the message I got,
Dear Mother
Always remember who you are and what you can accomplish if you desire it. And, never give up, NEVER EVER GIVE UP. You can do any thing; so don't let others tell you what you can and can not do. And you are what you think you are. You make a day a good day or a bad day. Remember that.

Jared M. Chapman, future Eagle Scout.

It really helped me to turn my perspective around. Just because I can't run right now doesn't mean I will never be able to run. I'll update about the marathon in another post.

Then today while Ryan and I were looking at a possible house for rent Jared had the kids clean up the house. They even wiped down the counter tops and folded and put away the laundry I had out. I think I really like this phase he is in right now. The kids were all so proud of themselves. And they were surprised I had tears in my eyes. I guess they didn't realize how little it takes to make me really happy.

I decided to test run my brand new to me camera. Can I just say how much I love love love it? Um... a lot!!!

There is still so much I do not know about photography and I am finally starting to see that I need to take a class to learn what I want but for now I am having fun learning. It's easy when my "models" are so dang good looking!
I don't have photoshop on my new computer yet so these are all unedited.

A little sneak peek for Erin

2010-04-08T14:39:00.000-07:00

Ramblings on a Sunday evening while my hubbie sleeps.

2010-03-07T19:24:00.000-08:00

How do you even begin a blog post when it has been over a month? Not sure but here goes...

Sunday's have changed. First they were scary monsters that I feared. I would look forward to bed time from the moment I got up just because I was not sure how I was going to handle being a single mom preparing and then being at church. Then I was asked to teach the 14-15 year old Sunday School class. We are studying the old testament and this alone was a bit overwhelming. But a little at a time I have come to enjoy my Sundays again. Not the same as they once were but I am doing it. I am noticing how Heavenly Father has blessed me with the knowledge of how best to handle Sacrament meeting with the kids while starring at my husband on the stand.

I made the little boys backpacks that are just for church. Having their own bags seems to help. We have also been using color-wonder, stickers, a pad of paper, cheerios, water bottle, and pipe cleaners. I am unsure as to why pipe cleaners other then it works. Some reason those little bending things, with some imagination, can be made into anything you desire. And it even entertains Jared who should be paying attention. Most Sundays I can stay in the meeting the whole hour. I wasn't doing that when Ryan sat with us so I know it is divine intervention.

Teaching Sunday school is just so different from anything I have done before. The stories are much more interesting then I realized. So much DRAMA is filled in the bible. I have only taught 3 or 4 lessons and we have already covered the death of the whole world minus a few people, the burning of an entire city because of sexual sin, sacrificing of children to pagan Gods, adultery, just to name a few.

But more then the soap opera of it all I am learning the goodness of God. His great love for even the wicked. That he answers prayers and often immediately. Today I learned that while Abraham was strapped to a sacrificing table by the hands of his father he plead with the Lord and immediately He came to Abraham and set him free. I wonder how many times The Lord is just waiting for us to ask for His help. Wanting to set us free from our trials or hardships but we don't ask. We act as though, "I got it, no worries." But we struggle and sometimes fall deeper and deeper into Satan's grasp. It seems to be easier to except help in the beginning before our pride is to far damaged or we are so deep in our sin we can't see a way out. So how do I take notice of when I am in the beginning stages? I guess that is my question to ponder for the night.

It seems to me the older I get the more obvious my weaknesses/sins. It feels as though in youth you are so worried about staying away from the big ones, fornication & drugs, that you don't notice jealousy, anger, a quick tongue and the like as being a problem. it probably also has to do with being a parent. I think I am tried in ways know that I never was. I know how a preteen who thinks he know better then me and tests that. His anger towards me is new and staying calm and patient is not always easy and I often slip. But what comes with age is HOPE. I am learning to except that I am not perfect and won't be in this life and yet in the day to day life I am finding great meaning and joy. I am learning and relearning that my best is MY best and that is as good as I am expected to do. So even though my faults stare me in the face I am trying to work on them, one little step at a time. Because a little is much more then nothing.

I feel as though God is using my training for this marathon as a way to teach me. I have learned many spiritual lesson on my long runs. I calculated how many miles I have run since the beginning of Jan and it totalled up to 189 miles. That is crazy. I have done that. When I first started 3 miles felt hard and I would get knots in my stomach when I thought about my first long run which was 5 miles. I wondered how I would be able to make it. And yet yesterday I ran 14 miles. That is over a half marathon. In a little over 2 months I was able to run that far. Recognizing that it has been little improvements and not giving up even when at times I have wanted to that have gotten me this far. And then also seeing that is what is going to get me all the way to the end of 26.2 miles. There were times when I prayed very hard for the will to and strength to want to run or to get through a hard part in my run. Every time it came and in many different ways. It is amazing to me that Heavenly Father is helping me so much with this. It is important to me and so I feel that it is important to Him. I think He wants us to have what we want. I guess part of the trick is to make sure what we ask for really is best for us.

I guess I see life that way. Baby steps in the right direction. Looking back from time to time seeing how much we have grown and improved and then gaining strength to go on, doing more then we did before or ever though possible. Remembering to ask for help frequently. I never thought I could handle 6 kids every week at church by myself but I am doing it and for the most part doing it well.

I am to tired to reread all that so if it doesn't all make sense love me anyway.

Staying close to home

2010-02-07T18:52:00.000-08:00

For our anniversary back in Nov Ryan took me to this wonderful little hotel in Huntington Beach. We loved it so much we booked reservations for the past few days. We simply enjoyed being together with not much to do. The first day we spent at Disneyland. Very few people there and the lines were minimal. Since we could just walk on splash mountain Ryan and I both got to go on it in a very short period of time. I even convinced Josh to go. He said it wasn't so scary but he didn't want to go again. He sat next to me in the back and wouldn't let me go the entire ride. I loved the look of delight after the big drop when he realized it wasn't so bad after all.

We stayed until around 5 then headed to the hotel. We got a few groceries on the way and the kids enjoyed cereal for dinner. The little mini fridge was not big enough to hold all the milk I bought so we figured we should use it up. They loved that. Ryan walked around and found me some yummy fish place. So good. Our hotel had a huge balcony that over looked the beach. That is where we enjoyed our meals. There was a nice cool breeze and it was so relaxing being right on the water.

The next morning I ran a nice 3 mile run along the beach in the rain. I went to the south of the pier and was surprised at how many people where out in the rain. I stopped of at jamba juice and got breakfast.

Later that day we decided to walk along the beach. It wasn't raining at this point so it seemed like a good idea. We ended up at Ruby's on the end of the pier. The food reminded me a little of Denny's style but the ambiance was nice and the kids really enjoyed themselves. We laughed a lot and it felt good.

When it was time to leave the heavens had really opened up. We smiled and laughed as we walked back in the rain. I don't know why walking in the rain brings out the child in me but it sure does. I was running with the kids acting as the I were one of them. The best!

We dried off, took naps, and relaxed some more. The girls and I walked around the local shops. I bought Sarah some earrings and Emma picked out this huge owl locket. She was so thrilled and hasn't taken it off since.

We decided to go bowling. We have not been bowling in years and I think we all had a great time. I was surprised that every one enjoyed themselves. We went to Irvine bowl which is where I bowled with my parents win I was little. They were on a league and I remember loving hanging out there. When we were almost there I could taste ketchup. It was so weird to have a taste accompany my memory.

We then spent the next 2 hours trying to find a Macaroni grill. Wait what? Yes 2 hours. Traffic was really bad. We thought we found one. Took a wrong turn then another wrong turn. Finally got there and it was out of business. We laughed. By the time we finally got to one the wait was almost an hour so we opted for to-go and enjoyed eating dinner on the floor of our hotel room. We watched a movie and crashed.

I was so tired I feel asleep before 10. I was glad because I knew I had to run my first 10 mile run in the morning. Then around 10:30 Emma woke up crying from pain. Her ear hurt so bad. She woke up every thirty minutes to an hour after that for most of the night. I felt so bad for her. You could tell she was in a lot of pain. I am not sure at what time but she did finally fall asleep. In the morning when we looked at it she had blood and puss coming out of her ear. It had burst. The dr has told me in the past that when it finally burst the pain is relieved some what so that must be why she was finally able to sleep.

I did not want to go run. I was tired and I had a stomach ache but I went any way. I put Gatorade in my camel back and off I went. I normally use water but I thought I would give it a try since this was a long run for me and I knew it would take me a little less then 2 hours. I averaged 10:47 per mile. That is not fast by any means but to me it felt great! The first time I ever ran 6 mile's I ran it at and 11 minute pace. So any time I run quicker then that in distance I am proud of myself. My shorter mile runs are a little under 10 minutes. I used to be able to run faster then that but I have decided that I am training for distance and not speed. I think after this marathon I will start trying to gain speed. But for now I am celebrating every new mile as a huge victory!!

I went to the north of the pier this time. The rain had stopped but their was a nice cool wind that seemed to push against me. The run was fairly easy. I worked really hard to keep my slow pace so that I could endure. Every once in a while I would start to speed up then remind myself I needed to slow down. I found myself pondering and reflecting. It seems to take a few miles until I get to the point that I can really think about anything besides the run. But once I get to that point it feels so wonderful to have quiet time all for me.

I now teach the Sunday school for the 14-15 year olds at church and I was thinking about my lesson for next week. I thought about Noah and how he must have loved the people. How he must have pleaded with them to please repent. I imagine he must have been saddened by their unwillingness to change. He taught for over a 100 years. They were his offspring and relatives. It made me think of our lives today. Are we living the way we are commanded to do? Do we listen to the prophets both current and old? I felt for Noah. Being a teacher to the youth I have felt such love and compassion for them. I to have yearned for them to make good choices and hope that they to can learn to turn to the Lord for guidance as I am sure Noah taught his sons to. I was amazed that while running I could receive insight and inspiration. It made me love running even more.

By mile 8 I could see the pier and I thought, "only 2 more miles? I still feel great." I was able to speed up a little and I felt so pumped. Here I was about to run farther then I had ever run and I still had mojo to keep going! About this point these amazing fast runners past me for the second time. As she past she said, "keep it up!" and gave me a thumbs up. Man I love you fast runners. You keep me inspired and motivated!

When I stopped running my legs felt a little like jello. Kind of a strange feeling. It is kinda like when you have been in the ocean for a long time and then when you finally get out your body feels like it should still be moving. I had a nice cool down then went inside to stretch.

Emma had thrown up a couple of times while I was gone but was now resting. I figured our vacation would end short but I was so happy with how the couple of days were spent I didn't mind at all.

I decided to hit the showers. They where awesome with two shower heads and really hot water. But I started to feel really nauseous and had to sit down. I laid down on the bed as everything spun. I couldn't figure out why I felt this way. Then it hit me. I accidentally bought G2 which is meant to be a light version of Gatorade. It has that fake sugar in it. For some reason my body always reacts that way to any fake sugar. And I just drank 40 ounces of it. Wow that was smart. I was glad that Emma was finally sleeping so that I was not the reason we were just chillin. In fact no one seemed to care that we just hung out for a bit. Ryan and Josh went on a walk and did some video taping. I think they both had a good time. Jared and Sarah finished up homework and Jacob, Emma and I slept.

When they got back we packed up and headed home. We had a sleepy mellow drive. When we got back I took Emma to insta care and got her on antibiotics. Her ear was surprisingly still filled with liquid. I just felt so sad for her. She feel asleep almost instantly when we got home.

We all had a great time and I am so grateful we stayed close for our family vacation. I can't imagine a long drive or plane ride with a sick Emma. We took it easy today and she is feeling much better.

My camera battery just died so I will post pictures soon.

No toys needed

2010-02-02T20:16:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday the While Ryan was cleaning out the garage the kids played for hours in the front yard building and rebuilding a fort out of these big boxes. They really had the best time.

Every once in awhile Josh would knock it down just to get a reaction out of the kids. It worked every time with Emma.

All about me

2010-01-26T20:47:00.000-08:00

It feels a little selfish to write that. I have been doing really well so far in my training for my marathon. In fact on Saturday I ran farther then I have ever ran and faster then I have ever run (long distance that is) I am still not fast but I am not really going for that. My goal is to simply finish. To finish with my head held high and a smile on my face. Whenever I run a longer run I imagine it is my last few miles in the race. How will I feel? And every time I can't help but smile. I have always wanted to be able to run for miles. To have miles of time to just think and step away from the world. And on Saturday I felt like a real runner. 7 miles all to myself. I was even doing hills with a happy heart. It was huge for me. I ran to Emma's gym where she was playing bball and I just felt such pride. I have been amazed at how quickly my body has adapted to the longer runs and impressed with the training book I have been using. I was thinking, "If I had never started this program where would I be now? Still only running a couple miles and feeling stuck in my desire to be a runner but not taking action." I want to remember this when I feel overwhelmed by something new I want to accomplish. A little action every day leads to great accomplishment.
Along with this I have also been learning so much about my camera and I have been venturing into the manual zone of my camera much more frequently. I am starting to see some wonderful results and I don't need to edit my pictures like I did before. I am loving how warm indoor pictures can be without the flash on the right settings. I have taken a lot of horrible pictures but I can usually, eventually, get what I am going for. With time, just like training for the long runs, I am sure I will be able to get what I want on the first try. If I never try I can never succeed.

My favorite right now is playing with my 50mm lens on manual. I don't know the right terms for things but I love the way it makes the background so blurry and the subject so clear.

My kids are always wanting to be my model or asking me to take pictures of their things. I have the best kids.

Good intentions

2010-01-24T20:10:00.000-08:00

I was planning on writing a big long post all about my week but I am going to bed instead.

If you want you can read a little snippet here.

Good night all!

Just the begining of the down pour.

2010-01-19T20:25:00.000-08:00

With the rain on the kids day off of school what do you do? A little bit of everything.

The kids played cards. Cards with Josh means you put down a card then he puts down a card. At some point he declares himself a winner and we all laugh.
We met friends at the church to let the kids run around and play and visit. Then we met Ryan at Rubios for a quick lunch.

Then off to the movies to see the Spy Next Door. Such a dumb movie but I love Jackie Chan and so he made me smile.

What next? We played Wii Just Dance (no this game does not get old.) Jacob was so interested in what they were doing. He was dancing and bopping right along .
With all the excitement of the day Joshua had a hard time taking a nap. Here he is pretending (not very well) to be sleeping.
Then today with more rain we got out Joshua's rocket his Uncle Trent got him for Christmas. He had fun painting it and flying it around the house the whole day. He even wanted to sleep with it.
Life is good. I spent most of today buried in my book for book club. It is called "The Help." I had never heard about it and it sucked me in instantly. I love when a book does that but then I am always sad when it is over. I have become a part of this group of women and I want to see how things turn out for them. I guess I just have to use my imagination.

I have rediscovered my love for cooking. I had gotten in a rut for a while and I am back. Costco gave out a cookbook a couple years back and I have been trying new recipes from it and they are wonderful. My whole family is thrilled. I think learning that Cashew cream can replace the cream everything in any recipe has helped open up the windows of recipes I can eat. Again- Thanks Hope!

Change. It's mostly good.

2010-01-17T20:40:00.000-08:00

Today our stake/wards (church) were shaken up a bit. We now belong to a new ward with my husband as the 2ND counselor in the bishopric. Last week during church the stake meet with Ryan and I. I somehow knew it was coming but it still felt a little overwhelming. I went straight from that into Young Women's and taught my lesson. I think I looked a little dazed and out of sorts. Since then I have had time to process things and I feel like I can handle being on my own for church on Sundays. Heavenly Father will bless me. Last week the old 2nd counselors wife spoke and she touched my heart so deeply. She talked about how sad she is that her husband will no longer be the counselor because she has been so blessed because of his service, She felt that their family has grown so much during this time. I cried because I felt that we too will be blessed that way. I am grateful for angels who say the words we need to hear when we need to hear it.

Other changes? My baby is now 1.
His first real word is oh no. SO cute.
He babbles a lot and we try to make out what he is saying which is rather fun for us.
This last week he got two more teeth in so now he has a total of 4.
He still prefers to army crawl because it is so much faster.
He is testing out his standing skills and likes to see how long he can do it before he falls. down. Today he was bouncing up and down while standing and the kids got a good laugh out of his dancing skills.

I was trying to set up the camera to take pics of him eating his cake and he had to see what I was doing. It was so funny because his pants kept getting under him and he couldn't crawl. He just was sorta stuck in one spot. he seemed to enjoy that we were laughing with him.

A quick pre-party pic. Isn't he such a doll??

Joseph loves his waffle maker and really wanted me to make waffles for the babies bday. They were yummy!
When you are the baby this is as close as breakfast in bed gets. Waffles in the highchair. Good stuff.
Joshua usually doesn't like to draw. But when we got new markers for their white board he has been drawing up a storm. He told me this was his angry guy

I decided to buy a $5 cake this year and give the other kids ice cream- my family doesn't really like cake. How cute is this little bitty cake?

Jacob loved the frosting but not the actually cake. Oh how he makes my heart smile!
When it came to present time he was not really that interested. He just kept looking at his card over and over again. He seemed to really truly love it.
Jacob- I love when you give me kisses over and over again. Or when you blow on my face. And the way you smile so easily at me but give everyone else the grumpy-furrowed-brow-look. I love when you snuggle into me and try to hide. I love your sweet little spirit that find such joy in life and in others. In short- I sure do love you!

Life is good!

2010-01-10T19:49:00.000-08:00

I am really loving this project 365. I am looking for things to take pictures of. I am more aware of the cuteness that is my kids. I am finding the positive in my day that I may capture it through my lens. I am actually uploading my pictures everyday which makes taking pictures more enjoyable. Basically I am loving it. Here are pictures I would not have captured had it not been for this project.Joseph got a remote control dino for Christmas. He kept talking about how cool it was and how much he wanted one. It was kinda expensive but I finally gave in and got it. The baby is not sure what to think of it. He doesn't seem scared of just unsure. He can't seem to figure it out. These faces crack me up.

This is how all Sundays should be spent. Relaxing together as a family. I love snuggle time.

Josh found this costume on Saturday and had me help him get dressed up. This kid loves to dress up more then any other child of mine ever has. He asked me what a pirate says. So here he is saying "arghhh"
My SIL had a shower thrown in her honor yesterday. We played a matching game where you won a candy prize that match the "birth" experience. Very humorous stuff.

We were served these most delicious berries. I can not tell you how yummy they were because words can not describe it. I did not know I loved blackberries until I ate these. My new favorite food of all time.

Here are all of the beautiful women that I am blessed to have as my family by marriage.
From left to right
Ryan's Grandma, MIL Kelly, SIL Kaylee, SIL Lindsay, SIL Orchids, SIL Allie, SIL Sarah, SIL Amy, SIL Hope, Me, Ryan's cousin Kiersten, Ryan's Aunt Chris. I love them all!

The boys got this car for Christmas. Jared is such a good big brother. He has a special bond with Jacob. I'm sure it's cause they share a room and Jared likes to play with him in the morning.

Blahhhh

2010-01-05T21:48:00.001-08:00

That is really all I have to say tonight. Some days are just like that and tonight happens to be one of those. The end.

Christmas 2009- Till we meet again next year

2010-01-04T19:57:00.000-08:00

Christmas has come and gone and I am sad to say that this year I was a little excited to see it go. I am normally much more into the season and love everything about it. Don't get me wrong I loved much-just not all. I waited to long to do my shopping which meant I had to try to get it done while kids were off of school which meant less time with them which brought on guilt. I miss them being gone at school all day and I miss just hanging out with them. Once the stress of Christmas day was over it felt like I could breath again.

This last week was just spent having fun and relaxing. One day my SIL came over and helped me really decorate my house. That was rewarding. I have had boxes in my garage filled with home decor just waiting to be used. I got an amazing photo printer for Christmas so I have been having loving putting new pictures in the frames. I wake up excited to walk downstairs. Love it!

I digress. Christmas eve we spent at my in-laws. The kids got all dressed up and did the nativity. Why is this so cute and I do love it every single year. Then they each got to open their present from Grandma and Grandpa. With 21 kids this took some time but for the most part the kids were really good. Then we put the kids to bed and got to work. I was surprised at how little there was to do. We had wrapped most everything a couple nights earlier which helped a ton.

Christmas morning was early - 6. I was so tired from staying up late I hardly took any pictures. I just kept thinking about my warm bed. I did make the kids waffles with Josephs new waffle maker. He has wanted one for a long time - I'm not sure why though. We put toys together and just played most of the morning. Then we enjoyed a dinner of soups and family gift exchange.

It wasn't until the next morning that I woke up feeling relaxed. Truly relaxed. I can't really remember what I did just that I have felt pretty stress free since.

Christmas Eve opening up new PJ's

The goods BTW I love my tree!

Getting ready to open up some presents Why do they look so awake?

The kids getting ready to act out the nativity.

Baby Jesus was being very loved and watched over.

Sarah got a new camera for Christmas and it has been fun watching her position her subjects and just really having fun with it.
Jared and Sarah both got to be a part in the radio show version of A Christmas Carol at the center for the arts. I was so proud of them. I would have been way to nervous to participate in something like this at their age.

365 days = 2010

2010-01-03T20:37:00.000-08:00

Another one of my goals is to get better at taking pictures. Sarah, my SIL, and I took a class a few weeks ago. It was to much information to fast but it helped me realize that I really do want to learn more and get better with my camera. So in this effort I have followed the example of my friend Shannon and started project 365. I thought I would do it last year or the year before but I wasn't really committed. Now I have decided to start a blog just for this purpose so that I can blurb it and make it into a book at the end of the year. This will also help me to journal just a little bit better. The link is on the top left of my blog for any one who is interested.

Emma's Day

2010-01-03T20:00:00.000-08:00

What a wonderful special day we had celebrating Emma and her choice to be baptized. Look at all of these people who came to support her. We have such wonderful family!

We have not had a family picture taken in a while and most of us are looking at the camera. That is a big deal. I am so excited to have photorange photography take my family pictures at the end of the month. We have never paid someone to do a real photo shoot and I could not be more thrilled to have her work on my walls.

This was her as soon as we got home. You can see it in her face that she is so happy. I love this princess.

Grandma and Grandpa came all the way from Vegas to share in her day with her.

And her other Grandparents who love her

Waiting for the big moment.

Emma was blessed to share her day with her cousin Kai. It was so wonderful to share the planning and preparing with Auntie Hope. This was such a no stress day because of it (even when the baptism was about to start and I realized I had forgot her beautiful dress to change into. Thanks to Uncle Allen's speedy driving skills know one even knew.)

This one is just for good measure. My nephew had on this cool hat and tried it on Jacob. He made the best faces while wearing it. Don't you love the rice stuck to his forehead?

I am offically starting tomorrow!

2010-01-03T19:37:00.000-08:00

I think I feel slightly excited to start my training. For the last month I have been re-getting comfortable with running 3 miles. It now is rather simple and comfortable. So what does that mean? Time to switch it up. I bought a great marathon training book with help and advice for each week of training. And tomorrow I start the 16 week program that will end with the Ogden Marathon. Why in the world would I want to do this? Ever since high school I have wanted to be a runner. I would watch the cross country team train with ease and just want to be one of them. I Ran the 1 mile race in the 6Th grade Jr Olympics and about died. I think I just believed that I was not a runner.

Then when I married into Ryan's family I was shocked and impressed that my MIL could run for miles. After weight gain came from children I decided to try to wind sprints. Walk a little run a little. At first I walked a lot more then I ran. After each child I seemed to be able to do a little more then before. After Joseph was born I finally jumped in with both feet and decided I needed a bigger goal. I wanted to do a triathlon. Before this time I had never run 20 minutes straight. When I came to finish line of that race I felt more accomplished then I could remember feeling. I set out to do something I felt was so hard and yet I achieved it. I remember riding my bike up this steep hard hill during the race and smiling at people because I could now say I was a triathlete.

When ever I look back on that experience I feel pride and humility. With the help of my Savior I was able to do something I never thought I could. I guess that is how I feel about this marathon. It is finally my time become a marathoner. To take the time for myself and become more then I currently am. To push myself to higher levels and help my mind realize I truly can accomplish anything, with My Heavenly Fathers help, that I decide to accomplish. I know it is not for everyone but I am thrilled to embark upon this journey!
Here am I saying bring it! This is my year to accomplish the big goals!

As a little pre-training Jared and I have been running together for this 5k around Balboa Park on New Years eve. IT was hilly and challenging and great. Jared ran ahead with my MIL and I just enjoyed my nice slow pace. It felt great to start the new year in such a way. I kept imagining it was the last three miles of the 26.2 miles I am going to run.

Mobile Me + Blogger = Blogging Made Easy...

2010-01-01T22:10:00.000-08:00

Can I tell you how much easier my life just got when it comes to adding photos to blogger??? My awesome husband just showed me how to use iPhoto to drop my pictures to a mobileme gallery, then grab the URL of the picture from the gallery and drop it into my blog. SOOO much easier than uploading photos to blogger. Plus, check out how big they are now!! I had Ryan widen the blog a bit so that they would show in all their glory...so first let me explain what we're doing here...
Sarah Ann my SIL gave a rockin Just Dance wii birthday party for Monica. If you have not played this game it is so much fun. I felt like a little kid. Loved it. Thanks again Sarah!My mom and dad came today for Emma's baptism tomorrow which is tomorrow. My mom brought the yummiest Vegan cupcakes. I ate three. I guess I miss chocolate. I gave some to Jacob and he LOVED them! He was so excited when I first handed it to him and he didn't even know the goodness that was about to enter his mouth. YUMMY.

Joseph finally lost his first tooth on Sunday. He has been waiting for years to lose his own tooth. After watching the kids get money from the tooth fairy time and time again he was so thrilled to find 8 quarters under his pillow in the morning. Good thing the tooth fairy actually came and didn't forget like she has the past few times.

For christmas we got my dad a plaque with our family name, crest, and origin on it. He seemed very touched by it. I love this man!

I set Jacob on the counter while I was doing something in the kitchen. He thought the oranges were balls. Cuteness!

A taste of what we have been up to.

2009-12-10T20:01:00.000-08:00

I am to tired to add captions. Hopefully I will get to it tomorrow.

Wondering if I can right coherently while on drugs?

2009-11-22T18:16:00.000-08:00

I have been laying in bed for two days straight and I think I am starting to get a little bored. Most of the time I have been sleeping or kinda out of it from the drugs. I have mastitis and I don't remember ever feeling this sick. I was shacking uncontrollably the first night and it scared me a little bit. On the plus side, I was in and out of the ER within an hour. Crazy. That never happens! More on the plus side? I finished reading The Giver. It was such an interesting book and I'm not really sure what I think about it.

On a big down side? I was planning on making wedding cake all day yesterday and now I am not sure when or how I am going to get that done?? Hmm? The good thing is it will get done some way or another.

For thanksgiving we are going to Vegas. It will be the first time in years that my family will all be together. My kids will meet their niece for the first time. We saw her when she was first born but its been so long. I can't wait to snuggle and squish her. I miss the kids and I am looking forward to spending the whole week with them. First my families and then Lindsy's wedding.

Last weekend Ryan and I (and Jacob) went to HB and celebrated our anniversary. I think this one has been the best yet. We just enjoyed being together. No expectations, no worries. We spent the early afternoon at Disneyland. It was fun to go at such a slow pace. We have been so many times with the kids that we have a ritual we usually do. This time we walked place we never go and ate a restaurant we had never been to. It was actually good food. In California Adventure it is right next to the winery. Best salad I have had in a long time. We really didn't go on many rides but we did enjoy the Christmas spirit that has sprung up there.

I am not sure that I am ready for Christmas to come. I love the season, the smells, the giving, the crafting, the baking. I am not really ready for the shopping, the lines, the stress. I digress... back to our anniversary. Ryan picked out an amazing hotel right on the beach. I loved the feel of the whole place. The Shore Break Hotel! Highly recommended by me! We checked in and walked on the pier and check out some vendor's. Ryan bought me a necklace and earrings. So sweet. Then we ate at this amazing restaurant right on the beach. Jacob was so good the whole time and I was grateful to have him with us. It made it easy not to miss the kids. We walked around the stores after this and Ryan bought me some adorable shirts. Then we crashed.

In the morning I got up kinda early and went for a wonderful beach run. So beautiful. It was easy to run with a smile on my face with such a view. When I got back we went to breakfast. Then we rented a bike cart. So much fun. There is a little seat in front for Jacob to sit and he promptly fell asleep when we put him in it. I ended up holding him while we rolled along the beach. We both thought of the kids at this point. They would love it. Then I bought Ryan his favorite gift ever. A long Skateboard. He was like a little kid. So much fun. We checked out of our hotel and as we did so we decided to ask about the family rooms. We both felt like the kids would love it there. SO... In feb we are going to take a little family vacation. Right on the beach. Yes I know it will be cold but We think there will be enough to do with out getting in the water. The room is wonderful and has a huge balcony that faces the beach with a hammock that I am sure the kids will love.

After this we went down to South Cost Plaza and ate lunch and did a little more shopping. Normally neither one of us are shoppers but we really enjoyed ourselves. For some strange reason after our mellow and relaxing getaway we felt the need to go see 2012. Did not love it and it only made us both feel tense. Now we know.

Having Ryan's undivided attention for 2 days was wonderful. We talked and dreamed and just enjoyed! I think we should do this every 6 month and not just wait for our anniversary. How blessed am I to be loved by such an amazing man.

Another picture just cause

2009-11-18T20:06:00.000-08:00

Jacob is 10 months

2009-11-17T10:30:00.000-08:00

I think I love this sweet little happy boy!!! Jacob got to spend one on one time with us this weekend when we went away for our anniversary. It was so good to have him along. We didn't miss the kids so much because we had him to snuggle and love. He is so good natured and rarely fussed. What a blessing to have him as our last little man. He completes us.

Milestones-
-He weighs 21 lbs still. We have started feeding him more fatty foods, will see if that helps to fatten him up a bit.
-He loves to pull himself up to standing and every once in awhile he seems to forget he can't stand without holding on and falls.
-He laughs at us and we love it
-He really does love all foods except baby food and not so much love towards rice
-He is very patient with his siblings sitting on/loving/tickling/wrestling/feeding/you name it. It takes a lot to make him mad
-He still army crawls and he has gotten very fast at it. When I put him down he takes off.
-He usually will show me what he has when it is something he should have. He waves it in my direction
-Jacob waves and claps- I love this. It always makes me smile.
-Kids tv makes him clap every time. He doesn't really watch it he just gets excited when it turns on.

Pictures

2009-11-12T20:36:00.000-08:00

I am adding a bunch of pictures but I am to out of it to write captions so... for your viewing pleasure

My EmmaLee Rebecca

2009-11-08T19:51:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we decided on a whim to take Emma to the American Girl Doll Store for her birthday. Her Bday is not really until the 26th but with it being Thanksgiving and all we have to do to help my SIL with their wedding this was the best time. She was so cute about the whole thing. Emma is a peace maker and wants every one to be happy. She also knows what she wants. She made her decision so quickly and never looked back. In the car I asked if she is going to be sad on her birthday since she got her gifts early and she quickly responded with a quick, "yep." Hmm? Not sure what to do about that.
I just love this sweet little person that is EmmaLee. She enjoys school and says her teacher is super nice which I am very pleased about. The girls are nice, mostly. Their is one girl that doesn't want to play with Emma but she acts as though she doesn't care. I worry sometimes about Emma cause she is so easy going. I never really know if she is just trying to keep the peace or if she is really ok. I want the world for her. She laughs easily and loves so freely. What a gift EmmaLee is to me.

Humm?

2009-11-01T20:14:00.000-08:00

Blogger you give me guilt. I love you and yet you bring me some serious guilt. I will look on the bright side. Before blogging I journaled a few times a year at best so this is a step up from that. I just have so much floating around in my head I get overwhelmed when I think of writing. I will just jump right in.

After a very shaky start to our school year and going back in forth for over a year I finally made the choice to put my kids into public school. This has not been an easy decision. I love having my kids around me all the time. I love their little fiery spirits and the way they have of making me laugh and smile even when I am having a rough moment. So if I love having them around so much why did I decide this? I am ready to just be the mom. The one who comforts and loves not the one who nags and gets frustrated. The man source of frustration in my house was always center around keeping the kids on task during "school" hours. Or the kids distracting one another when they should be working. I have cried more then once since I made this decision. Some how I feel slightly like I have failed them. I know that seems silly.

So what do they think about school? Emma loves it! She is so social and this is so great for her! The kids are nice to her, which I am grateful for. She told me that one little boy has a crush on her. I asked her how she could tell and she said this, "He stares at me all the time and when he talks to me he stutters" I asked if he normally stutters and she said no. She also informed me that she is not interested. I love my sweet Emma.

Joseph likes school as well. The first day he came home and was worried because he claimed they didn't do any school work. I asked him what they did do and he told me about snack time and recess. Since I have only had one child go to kindergarten I was unsure what to think. Upon more investigation they did do some coloring of letters with markers (he was excited about the markers because I have a ban on markers. One to many children have colored on walls with markers) He is used to doing much more for his school day. I think he is enjoying it though. He is not much of a talker when he is tired and I think school is taking a lot out of him.

Sarah is a different story. Sarah went to kindergarten in public school and it was a joke. She was reading at a 3rd grade level when she entered school and I think it was mostly a social event for her. But for the next 4 years she has been home. Sarah is like me and thrives on structure and is not so fond of change. She does not understand why I felt the need to put her in school. I told her I prayed about my choice and that I felt really good about it. That seemed to help her. But the night of the second day of school she came to my room late. She started to sob. She informed me that she misses Emma and she misses me. She has been my shadow ever since. Even when we are around other kids she wants to be right next to me. I did not expect this from her. She acts so mature all the time sometimes I forget she is only nine. She is still me sweet little Sarah who needs to be loved.

Funny story about Sarah's first day of school. She reads so much more then the normal 4th grader. She has been that way since she first started reading. So when she tells stories sometimes they sound like they came straight from a book. This is her story as best I can remember it. "Because I am the new girl all of the girls want to be my friend. They are encircled me and asked me to tones of questions. Then in comes another girl. She says 'excuse me' and the girls all part to let her through. Then she exclaims, 'You are going to want to be friends with me, I am very funny.' Then in my mind I nicknamed her the popular girl." I laugh good at this one. She has read enough stories about popular girls she was able to spot the social dynamic right away. I hope this will be in her favor as relationships develop with these girls. Sometimes girls can just be so mean and I am not looking forward to that part of public school.

I have decided to keep Jared at home for 2 reasons. 1. I didn't think that Jr High would be the best time to stick a kid back in to public school. Like dealing with hormones isn't enough then through in punk kids who feel the need to tear you down because they are not ok with who they are. He thinks it is great to be the only one home and to be able to get most of my attention. It is working out so far. 2. He is very self motivated and I don't have to nag him or be on him to get his school work done. Good grades mean a lot to him and all I have to threaten him with is a bad grade and he gets focused. I think that is typical oldest child behavior.

Joshua is now favoring me again which is so awesome. He has been daddys boy but now that I get to spend so much attention on him I am winning him over. Another plus to public school.

Jacob is 9 1/2 months. He still doesn't crawl but he does army crawl really fast. So fast that I have to really keep an eye on him. Every little thing goes in his mouth. We may have to ban legos next. The pieces are so small.
He started to clap about two weeks ago. I love that.
Oct 2 he pulled himself up to standing and just yesterday he was walking along the furniture. About a month ago I was in the kitchen and he army crawled his little self right up to me. So sweet that he wants to be near mommy. If only they always loved being near me.
He loves food so much. He now refuses baby food if any one else is eating. He wants what we have. If he thinks you have food he spits out his binky so that you can feed him.
Jacob has been jabbering much more. He says hi frequently and I am starting to think he actually knows what it mean.
He favors me above everyone else. If I am in the room he will cry for my to pick him up. If other people try to hold him he gets upset. Tyler babysat the other night and Jacob wanted nothing to do with him. Sarah ended up holding him most the night. I think she loved it.
He weighs 21 lbs. He gained so much weight so fast I thought he was going to be a tank but he has really started to thin out. I am sure it has to do with being so busy. He doesn't like to sit still anymore. I miss the sweet snuggly stage. AT church today he was just so busy. He was wriggling all over the place. My favorite was when he started to spit or razz. I put his binky in and he shock his whole body then spit it out. Funny kid
He also loves my hair and loves to put it in his mouth.
I love this little baby of mine!

Wow what a week.

2009-09-27T20:05:00.001-07:00

My wonderful nephew got his mission call after waiting what felt like forever and he is going to South Dakota. Brr right? I'm sure he will do great and I am very excited for him. On Tuesday he went to the temple for the first time and we were so blessed to be there. It had been a little while since the last time we were able to enjoy the blessings of peace that come from being in the house of the Lord. I am already looking forward to the time we can go again. We made a quick trip up to Vegas. Up one day and back the next.

It was so good to see my family and I wish I got to see them more often. When we got home it was bedtime for the kids. We said prayers together then Joshua ran off because he didn't want to go to bed. Little did I know he would really get his wish. He jumped off the girls bunk bed into the cubby part that is under the bed. I didn't see it happened but I heard him cry. Ryan was right there and quickly took him to the kitchen. I was nursing the baby and I really didn't think it was that big of a deal. He didn't seem to be crying more then usual. Then I saw the blood and asked Ryan if he needed stitches not really thinking it was going to come to that. But his quick reply assured me otherwise.

After trying 2 different urgent cares we ended up at a very busy hospital. (Wouldn't you think a children's urgent care would do stitches?) After waiting about 4 hours they put us on a bed in the hall. Josh had fallen asleep by this time. I laid their with him and listened to all of the people and goings on around me. One lady had a horrible reaction to a spider bite then was having a reaction to the anti-venom. There was a man having heart problems. A women had sliced her arm so bad she was sobbing on and off (she looked pretty bad) and I had cause to reflect upon the last time we were in the same hospital when Joshua poked a pencil in his eye. I felt so blessed. 6 stitches seemed like such a minor thing. I knew my Josh would bounce right back as though nothing had happened. In fact he had a hard time understanding why he could not play outside the very next day.

My life is so very good. I allow the stresses to get to me sometimes but I do try to see how much I have been given and oft times I have no idea why I have been blessed beyond that which I deserve. Like today for example. I was called to serve as the new laurel adviser (teaching the 16-18 year old girls in my church.) I LOVE working with the youth. The are so amazing to me. They have to stand much stronger then I did. They are hit on all sides and are expected to be of the world. Words are escaping me but what I am trying to say is that I feel honored to serve these wonderfully amazing girls.

My SIL Lindsay is getting married and I have had a lot of fun helping her plan. I decided that when I grow up it would be so fun to be a wedding planner. I do understand that my "when I grow up" list is rather large. I got to take their engagement pictures and that was fun. I got to try some new styles I have been wanting to play with and they were so good to do whatever I asked. Plus I get to make the wedding cake and I have helped with the invites. Lots of fun. I hope by the time my kids get married I will be a pro. With a family this large having wedding skills is rather helpful. That is why I want to learn so much more!

Yesterday was the annual Church women's broadcast. It was so much of what I needed. I came away with an amazing sense of peace and calm. I can overcome my personal imperfections. I can be more then I have been. What impressed me the most was the feeling that I need to treat those around me with greater charity and love. And that as I focus on loving more fully and finding fault less frequently I will be filled with happiness I have never known. What an amazing feeling of hope and excitement.

Here is to an exciting and adventuresome week that I am sure will not disappoint.

Sweet Sweet Baby

2009-09-04T21:38:00.000-07:00

I found this sweet picture of Emma tonight. This was 2 years ago when she had just started kindergarten. I can't believe how much she has grown. She is my silly, happy, loving, hugs and kisses, hurry and get it done so we can play Girl. She loves life and she helps me to remember to love with my heart and worry less.

Emmy or Emma or EmmaLee is so smart and her school work comes easily to her. She is becoming a really good reader and I love when she wants to read to me our to the boys. She loves Sarah to bits and is so sad when they fight. She wants to make every one happy and she loves when she can make you smile. Emma is a friend to any and everyone.

She has also discovered that she can sing and we all love Emma originals. She will be starting piano next week and I am excited to see her flourish.

Tomorrow I get to take her out on a date. It's been a long time since we have had some good one on one time and I will cherish it. I love you little girl!

Just in case anyone is interested

2009-09-03T20:00:00.000-07:00

I thought I would share what kind of a crazy day I have had. Don't get me wrong I have lots of days that go smoothly. The kind of day where when you go to bed you feel like a great mom and you did everything right even if/when no one else does. Today was not one of those days.

I slept horrible because a.Ryan's out of town b.It was simply way to hot and I don't like the heat. I was woken up rather early and I think I woke up with a little devil on my shoulder. I was feeling a little cross to start. The kids decided to slowly work at getting ready for the day. We have a good schedule of jobs, shower, breakfast, scriptures and prayer, then school. We usually start school by 9. I was pushing my children to get stuff done when they normally are pretty self motivated. I hate nagging and this morning was full of it.

About 10 they finally have eaten and showered and are starting school. I'm starving and decide that I am going to treat myself to a Jamba Juice. Side note: I love their oatmeal. I just don't know how to make it that good. Ryan can but he is not here. I decide that Jared is 11 now and pretty responsible, lets see how he does watching the kids. I took the 3 little boys so it was just Emma and Sarah for him to watch. I was gone a very short time.

When I get home Jared and Emma were both in a frenzy. Jared said something mean, Emma cried and wanted to call me. He wouldn't let her so she decided to run away. He had to stop her and did it not in the nicest way. (I gave them strict rules to lock the door and not open it for any reason. So when I find out she ran down the street and around the corner I was a little frustrated.) He felt the need to put her in a head lock to get her home. Boy I wonder what the neighbors thought when they saw that one.

The two of them were at each others throats the entire day. A lot of teasing, pushing and crying. Then to top it off Jared and Emma both had challenging school days. Emma has not been finishing her math every day and she is now behind. Jared is frustrated with his new math program and was telling me how much he hates school. I have been contemplating what I can do different and right now I don't have the answer. I even called the school to see if they had space in the track that goes to school more often. No such luck.

The baby must have sensed the tension in the house because he needed to be held all day long and he is stopped up from something we feed him.

Joshua had around 10 accidents today. And of course one of the times it was on my brand new couch and not a small amount. By nap time I was ready to run away and I actually spent some time looking onexpedia to see if there were flights to... anywhere. I thought that when Ryan got back I would escape. That's not till Saturday and I probably won't do it but dreaming helped.

I had to get a baby sitter to take Joseph to his first day of music class which he refused to participate in. Got the kids feed and put to bed while Sarah finished up the dishes. As she was done a cup got stuck in the drain. My hand got cut up while I tried to get it out but eventually I did.

On my way to take something out to the garage I was treated by a big piece of poop laid next to some poopy pants. So before I could sit down I now had to scrub the sidewalk. Wow. That was fun. And of course Jacob would have a hard time sleeping tonight because that only seems fitting to my perfect day.

And for some reason when I write it all out it really doesn't seem so bad. I guess I was just making a mountain out of a mole hill as they say. A few good things did come out of the day. When I get really frustrated it helps me to calm down by creating something. So I painted flowers and shutters on the girls bed. Then I realized what a mess their closet was and cleaned out shoes and clothes they don't wear or are to small. Now I am blogging then I am going to go lay down and read. I have a bunch on my night stand but I kinda want to get a new action book not a thinking or emotional book. I think I will explore kindle then head to bed.

The pictures are from my phone so not the best but you get the idea.

The side of the bed.

I hope this will help some one who is normal, feel even more normal as they realize we all have days that feel crazy and where we wish we could have a do over or restart or rewind. Tomorrow, it will be the best day ever, right?

A little of this and a little of that.

2009-08-31T22:25:00.001-07:00

Tonight we went to Sean and Allie's for a gender party. What is that? They are expecting a baby in Jan. They had their ultrasound today and told the dr to write down what gender the baby is then he sealed it in an envelope. They gave that to a friend and she baked a cake with the appropriate color on the inside. Such a cute idea. It was so fun watching Allie's face as she realized she would be having a girl. I am thrilled because little girl stuff is just so fun to buy and now that I am done I still get to love this sweet little baby.

On the way home Joshua was rather upset that we were leaving. He had calmed down and then stated, "I wish I could watch tv so I could be happy." We all cracked up. Silly boy.

Lindsay, Ryan's sister, is engaged and plans on getting married the Sat after Thanksgiving. I get to make the cake which I am rather excited about. After the last one I realized it really isn't that bad. And this time I plan on doing fake cakes. So if I mess up, no big deal! And I can make them way in advance. Sweet. She is also letting me help with the announcements and the idea she has is super awesome. I do love helping with wedding planning! So fun. By the time my girls get married I should be a pro!

Ryan took me to go see wicked. I loved it! It is the first time he has ever been to a musical that was not done locally and had a family member in it. A "Real" musical as the kids would say. I forgot how much fun musicals are. I have been listening to the music with the kids and we all bust out singing to our hearts content. I do love that the kids love to sing with me. Even Jared will sing away. My life really is great!

I am blogging! Why the sudden change? Because I have discovered Ryan's apple. My computer was on it's last leg and any thing I did took forever! I love technology, but not as much as you you see. I think I need to watch Napoleonic dynamite again. It's been awhile.

I have spent a lot of my free time reading lately and I forgot how much I love it. Before summer started I read an article that helped me to want to give up the tv. SO Ryan and I hardly ever watch tv. A little on the weekends. Its been refreshing. We talk more and read more. Tv just isn't as good as a good book. I finally finished the Harry Potter series. It only took me 9 years. And I am now reading My Three Cups of Tea, The Summer Kitchen, and The Shack. It takes me awhile to get into a book but once I do I don't want to put it down.

Enough randomness for one night.

Joseph enters kindergarten

2009-08-30T21:50:00.000-07:00

Joseph started Kindergarten 2 weeks ago. He was so excited to get to do school like the other kids until time came to actually sit and do it. He is still trying to learn that he has to do work while Joshua has to play. With that said I am impressed with how fast he has learned his numbers and letters. He told me today that he read a word all by himself. He came up to me with a plastic spoon and showed me the letters. It had the letters 02m on it. He asked, "That kinda looks like it says awesome. Does that say awesome?" The 2 did look like an s.

Joseph only goes to school on Wednesdays and his first day was this week. I was so nervous for him a hardly slept the night before. He is so shy and sometimes he refuses to talk to adults. On the car ride to school he was kinda quiet and I wondered what he was thinking. But as we got out of the car the look on his face was like Christmas morning he was so thrilled. I showed him where to got and waited till it was time for him to follow his first teacher to class. As he walked away I called his name and waved. He smiled big, waved goodbye, then didn't look back. I cried a little then I was proud of him.

When he got home from school he told me all about it and he loved it! He even made a friend named Brandon who eat lunch with him. The next day he let me know that he does not like home school but likes going to school. I will see what I can do to make it more fun for him. Emma told me he even raised his hand and answered questions in class. My little sweetie is growing up.

His sweet serious face. He is thinker and very introspective.

And his smile always makes me smile.
Here he is in Zion going off the zip line. He was not afraid at all and wanted to go again.

The other day he brought these toys outside and started walking down the street. I asked where he was going and he informed me he was taking them to Sean's house so that he had something to play with.

Seriously, This kid is so good looking! How did I get blessed with such beautiful children?

Joshua is 3

2009-08-30T21:02:00.000-07:00

Well back on June 12th he turned 3. We had a last minute impromptu birthday party for him. He woke up on his birthday and told me he wanted a party. I called the family who lived up the street and asked if they were available. I bought a pinata and made a quick train cake and he was set. The kids played together outside and junk and Joshua was on top of the world. He got a cool new bike and other toys I can't remember because the party was over 2 months ago. Point is that the party was no stress and he thought it was the best.

My little Joshua has a very strong personality and I don't think it helps that we laugh at him when he is naughty. He has taught us the lovely phrase punk face and other silly names like it. He is very vocal and lets you know when he doesn't like something. He is also very physical. Whenever we are out he feels the need to tap or poke people. I wonder what he is thinking? He bit an old guy in the butt at target. Luckily I stopped him just in time. Haha. I wonder what the old guy would have done.

Josh is 40 inches tall and weighs ? I'll have to weigh him in the morning.

Joshua is the life of the party and loves to laugh. He makes us all laugh often. If you laugh once he will do it over and over again to see if he can keep you laughing. He is so much trouble and yet I wouldn't trade him for the world!

This kid makes the best facial expressions. This is the I'm about to get into trouble face.

This is one of the rare moments when he just has a happy I'm-not-about-to-do-something smiles

I was trying to take a picture of all the kids and he insisted on being a tiger and crawling around. I made the mistake of laughing at him the first time he did it. BUt his face was really funny!
We is this picture just really so cute? I love it.

My baby is about to be much more active.

2009-08-30T20:33:00.000-07:00

Jacob is 7 and 1/2 months now. I went shopping with Jacob the other day. He shouldn't have been hungry but as soon as he saw me put baby food in the cart he was rather put out. Cute baby. He is still very calm and well tempered. He also seems to still prefer me which I love!

He sits up really well and can get on his hands and knees. He rocks forward and has moved one hand slightly forward but not much beyond that. I do love that he is not mobile yet. I know he stays where I put him which is nice.

Jacob makes me smile and I feel blessed to have him. He loves to stick his tongue out and spit. He laughs more lately but it is hard to get him to laugh over and over again. The kids still fight over who gets to hold him or feed him. Feeding him is a coveted job which is nice. I can have the kids feed him while I make dinner.

Joshua and Joseph love to come up to him and give him big hugs and kisses. Most the time hetolerates them. He loves when he gets a nice big fist full of hair. The boys do know how to make him laugh and smile. I do love these little people!

He jabbers a lot more. I love the sound of his little voice. Like he wants to be in on the conversation.

Life

2009-07-26T20:59:00.001-07:00

Since my thoughts have been taking me in the direction of enjoying the moment I have become keenly aware that this is the time in my life I will always cherish. The time that I will forever be looking back to with fondness.

My children surround me on a daily basis. They sing to me, hug me, and kiss me. They love to tell me what is going on in their world and they usually want to be with me. Some time in the near future they will be embarrassed to hug me in public (Jared was crying the other day and when I went to put my arm around him he pushed me away), will hope that I don't ask what they did with their friends, and probably, more often then I would like, they will be angry at me when they think they know everything and realize I don't.

I feel sad for the inevitable future. But in this moment I feel so much joy for the love they give me so freely. How do I stop time for just one night. When I go to tuck them in at night after they have fallen asleep I just hope and pray that they can feel how much love I feel for them.

Fum kid stuff-
Joseph is so excited to be starting school. I don't think he realizes all that in entails but he is enjoying the preparations. He has his super cool backpack with marvel comic folders, Cool new Harry Potter shoes, and lots of new clothes he has already worn in. He is so shy around people he does not know I am a little worried about his first day at school. I hope his siblings take care of him.

The kids are all really big in to Harry Potter right now. After watching the latest movie Ryan bought the serious so we could get caught up. I only let the kids watch 1 and 2 cause I think they others are a little to scary. They put scarfs on and make robes out of blankets and they keep turning each other into things with their funny sounding spells. Joseph keeps turning himself into a dad because he believes when you are a dad you can then do whatever you want. Does he not realize his dad works like a mad man and doesn't get to "play" very often?

I have rekindled my love of reading. We have severally limited our tv watching so know I fill my extra time with reading. I just finished the 7th potter book and actually really enjoyed it. I don't know why I stop at 5 so many years ago. I also read the twilight series and The Host. Both were very interesting but not something I want my daughter reading yet. I try to keep her away from all romance stories. She is a very passionate person and i think it best to stay away from love stories till she is much older. I have started a few other stories like The Shack and one called Dear John.

Emma has finally "got" it in the reading department. It was about this age that Jared finally started to really get it and want to read books on his own. She likes to read to the little boys and I think it is so cute. Have a break from school had been so good for me. I have all kinds of new ideas for this new year and I am always hopeful I will do better then I have in the past.

Here is to a week of adventure and triumph!

Sunday musings

2009-07-19T20:47:00.000-07:00

I feel the need to write some thoughts down. While reading an article in the Ensign understanding came to me in a way i never expected. I think sometimes being a mom I feel...inadequate. Like if I am doing good in one area I am falling behind in another. I am never as good as I want to be and at times, a lot of the time, this fact is in the for front of my mind. It feels as though I celebrate my glories then quickly remember my frailties. I get one step ahead then I see how far I still have to go. I know there is a balance somewhere out there. One that allows me to see that I am imperfect while recognizing that I am doing so much right. Seeing in the horizon all the glory I have already obtained while in this mortal body yet remembering to continue to work on who I am. I have endured, progressed, and learned so much to date yet there seems to be some much still in the undeveloped or unlearned.

But what I realized today was that my mundane choirs are a huge part of what I have been commanded to do. To feed the hungry (how many snacks does one ten year old boy need?) To clothe the naked (My water bill and mounds of laundry will attest to this) Administer to the sick (more times then I care to recount) Help people spiritually and temporally (we say our prayers as a family we read scriptures daily with our children. I teach them what I learn).

When I looked at my life in this new light it is was though the Lord was letting me know he really is well pleased. I have heard those words before but for some reason I always had a hard time grasping onto there meaning. I am fulfilling the calling he has asked me to do. These basic "jobs" I attend to daily help to make my Father in Heaven proud of me. Little old nothing special imperfect me. Anything else I might accomplish is simply icing on the cake.

It feels as though light can shine a little brighter for me now. It is such a small thing but to me it feels huge. I have truly been trying to enjoy the day to day experience of being a mom. Trying to laugh more, play more. Just trying to live instead of just be.

I was talking with Ryan the other day how it seems that life is like the ocean with a constant up and down motion of the waves. Sometimes you feel on top of the world. You perspective is clear the sun is bright and warm. You can see the destination in the distant and yet you are thrilled with where you are at. Other times you feel as though the waves are on top of you and you can't see which way to go. You are not even sure which way is up or where to plant your feet. Things can feel so hopeless at those times.

Life had been feeling very challenging on and off for me over the past little while. A lot struggles and growth. But gradually, and with no small amount of effort, I feel like I am on top of things again. I feel like it is the spring of life for me. What a glorious stage I am in. My kids all love me and enjoy being around me. We get to spend so much time together laughing and learning. The are really the best children and more then any one mother could ask for. I am healthy and get to use my body for running and playing. My husband loves me dearly. My parents are a part of my life. My sister is so dear to me. I have a beautiful home with a kitchen to cook wonderful meals in. I have the beach near by, a temple within 30 minutes. A church that helps me want to be a better person and that helps me to know how loved I really am.

I feel more blessed than I ever thought I possibly could. Life truly is a blessing.

Here are a couple pictures that I feel show my effort to live a little more.

I had the best time riding this off road cart around with the kids on vacation. I want one.
I went on the zip line cause Joseph and Joshua wanted to. I was scared but it ended up not being so bad.

Jacob is 6 months already.

2009-07-19T20:21:00.000-07:00

I love the drool in this picture.

He is so much fun. He babbles all the time. He says mama, baba, dada. He still loves to razz and has even learned how to do it while holding his binkie in his mouth. He rolls from his back to his stomach with ease. He absolutely loves his jumper It cracks us up how high he can bounce when he gets going.

When we were swimming the other day Emma kept popping up out of the water and he would giggle every time. His laugh really is the best. He totally hates bath time. I mean with a huge passion. Its odd that he let me take him swimming with no complaints. He even kind of liked it.

We feed him his first meal this week. This little guy is so easy going. He pulled no face what so ever. He acted like an old pro. The kids wee all standing around me and laugh. They were just so thrilled that he could eat something. Jacob was so entertained by them that he hardly noticed I kept putting food in his mouth. He finally caught on then was upset when I was done. He will be a good eater.

Jacob loves to play with his toes and eating them is even funner. He still is just such a happy baby with a great disposition. He learned to sleep through the night with a little help. It was fairly simple. I didn't have to let him cry for long periods of time. He would start to fuss and I would simply give him his binkie and he would fall back asleep. Granted I would have to do that a few times before he just gave up and went back to sleep.

More just cause

2009-07-09T21:14:00.000-07:00

Just because..

2009-07-08T20:42:00.000-07:00

...My kids are so stinkin cute

Warning this is going to be a bunch of nonsense in one big post.

2009-06-16T20:25:00.000-07:00

I will add pictures to this post. I am having technical difficulties at the moment. I am afraid if I wait for the pictures I will never post.

I have to start this post by saying how totally and completely excited I am to have the summer finally here!!!! I have had so much going on in addition to homeschooling and now I have nothing besides what I choose. There is a lot I want to do over the summer. All the stuff I never have time for because I am my kids teacher. I want to make curtains, learn to stamp metal, bake fresh bread, make freezer jam, cook a lot more with yummy fresh foods of the summer, family reunion, crafts for the kids, home decor projects, just to name a few.

With this being our first week of vacation we ran away to my parents house and it felt so good to relax and enjoy their company. I also got to play at my sisters and she taught me how to make bread with my kitchen-aid. I am going to be experimenting with this in the weeks to come.

I received a calling for church.... What is it? Only the nicest relaxing calling this busy women could ask for. I am the relief society chorister. After having such a busy year this feels really nice. I am sure this won't last but for now I will enjoy this simple service.

I have decided to run a marathon. This is not really a new decision, just a renewed goal. I think it was accomplishing the Triathlon that motivated me (back in 2005 I think) I felt so accomplished and had such a life altering experience. I have learned that I can push myself farther and accomplish more then I ever thought possible. It is so much more to me then a physical event. It is in the training that I learn to take time for myself. It is in the pushing myself that I feel I can conquer any and everything life puts in front of me. Right now I am just getting back in shape and trying to get comfortable running 3 miles. I am still running so slow and with time I anticipate I will be back to where I was before I had Jacob.

Why have I been so busy? Where do I start. I made my second ever wedding cake and I was very nervous for it. It was for a women at my church and I did it for cost. Next time I will have to charge to make it worth it. It was very rewarding though. I am a little bit of a perfectionist and I had to redo the biggest cake but I was so pleased with the final out come!

The day after the wedding I had graduation centerpieces I some how got roped into doing. It was for the local charter high school. I ended up getting paid for it even though I told her not to worry about it. Which was a nice bonus. It was a simple project and I was surprise at how excited people got about it. One lady said to me, "Oh you are just one of those crafty people aren't you?" I guess I never really thought about it. I just enjoy making things. I derive pleasure out of the finished project. I need to work on having more fun in the process. The perfectionist in me sometimes gets tense or stressed when things are not perfect.

Then the following week was the last day of school for the kids. Which was wonderful but a lot of work for me. I had to get all the kids school work together to show their teacher, fill out report cards, and then decide what curriculum I will be using next year. That was another big relief when that was done.

Side note- I watched So You Think You Can Dance while at my mom's house and I love that show. It was so amazing to me to see what people can do with their bodies. Not being a dancer I was in awe.

After the kids were done with school I took senior pictures of my BIL Todd. That was fun for me. I really do love taking pictures of people. Some day I will be amazing! I do love when people let me practice on them. He was such a good sport and did all that I asked of him even when he was done. The pictures are posted here
http://delightedphotography.smugmug.com/gallery/8508556_JjcaZ#560114513_2dAch
Ryan came with me and he had Todd do some silly things. Brothers are so fun. I am so excited to see what goofy things my boys will do as they get older.

Before the wedding cake the Jared and Sarah were in the musical The Jungle Book. They did so good and I was so proud of them bot. Sarah was an elephant which is the part she wanted. Her "crush" was the lead elephant and she thought that was great. This is her first crush and she was so comfortable with stating to the world that she thought he was cute. She pointed him out to me when he was in ear shoot and told me he was cute and she didn't seemed phased. I like that she is confident but I do not like that she is bold when it comes to boys I am not ready for that.
Jared played the part of monkey # 3. That was important to him because not all monkeys had lines. The dance scene he had was awesome. I was so impressed with him. I didn't even know the kid could dance and there he was strutting his stuff for the whole world to see. Jared has also had the world of girls opened up to his mind. Sarah had a birthday party last Saturday. Jared stuck around and was the life of the party. The girls enjoyed playing with him and he sure seemed at ease playing with them. It surprised me. It shouldn't because he is going into the 6th grade and that does seem like the time the "boyfriend girlfriend" thing starts. When did my children get so old? I will have a middle school child come this fall. That is just more then I can handle.

I got on a tangent there. Part of having your children in the musical is that you have to put in so many hours of volunteer work. I thought it would be a great idea to volunteer to head up the programs because I could do it all from home. I had no idea what I was getting into and I spent way more hours then I could have thought possible. I had to compile bios and pictures for all 60 kids, design a cover, collect $ and ad's and then print 600 copies. I had a lot of help but I didn't delegate as much as I should have. My sweet husband always becomes my helper when I undertake these huge projects. And he never complains. I do love this man more then words can ever express.

Another side note- Ryan and I were talking last night about what we thought our children's spouses will be like. I got to really thinking about this. I pray that whoever they choose will bring out the best in them, will love them fully, will help them want to stay close to out Savior. I also hope that they like me and I like them so that my children always feel comfortable coming over to my house. I don't worry so much about what they look like. I just want my children to be happy the way I am.

I also made a simple little teachers gift for the kids teacher at school. It was so simple but the colors made me happy. I think I need to find a way to put baby blue and red in my house. Love it.

Sarah's bday was back in march. I promised her a party and then never got to it. So I had this great idea that we would combine her Aunt Kaylee's party with hers. We did a HSM2 party. Basically it was a pool party with the high school musical 2 theme. They made flip flops and played a few games. Ate pizza and just had fun swimming. (do 9 & 10 year olds really need to wear little tiny bikinis? Maybe I noticed more because Jared was playing with these girls.) Sarah said it was the best party ever. She got to celebrate her bday 3 moths after so I think that helped.

About a month ago I was feeling the need to get out of the house. So we took a field trip day and headed off to the Cabrillo National monument. Living in San Diego is amazing. There is so much to see. It was a lot of fun for the kids. The park ranger has a handout for the kids to fill out as you walk around the exhibits. My children paid much closer attention because they wanted to fill in all the answers. It was very pretty and we had a wonderful afternoon out of the house. Then a couple of weeks ago we went to Balboa Park and went to the Train Museum. Joshua loves trains and I thought the kids would all enjoy this. It was full of working model trains and the kids enjoyed chasing them around. I do love my life!

Now I will move onto kiddism.
Joshua has been a handful in the biggest way possible. I am sure it is because I have been so busy but let me give you quick run down of the past weeks. He has learned to climb on top of my car (an excursion and very tall). He locked himself in the bathroom and when we got him out he had my kitchen ladle and he said he drank the water. He came running out of the bathroom exclaiming, "I am super now" I guess the water has super powers. It was all I could do to not laugh hysterically. It has become increasingly more difficult to keep clothes on him. He runs around the house and outside yelling, "I'm nakey boy" It's bad when he gets out front.

One of our neighbors has an only child and I can tell they do not love that we moved in next to them. The parents will come over to tell me things the kids do wrong with smugness on theirs faces. It kinda feels like the teachers pet in school. You know the one who is always telling on everyone in the class. I wonder what they must think of us? If only I could be a fly on the wall I am sure I would have a good laugh.

I had to run into the scrapbook story with the little boys the other day. Joshua is in a batman phase. He declares rather loudly, "Mom, you are Batman." I fellow scrap booker did not like this and tells me that he should be calling me the queen instead. I laugh and go my way. What this nice lady does not understand is that Batman is Joshua's hero and if he wants me to play his hero I will take that as a complement. Being a queen has nothing on being my sons hero.

For memorial day we head down to the beach to go to dinner. We had dinner right next to the beach in one of the worst Mexican restaurants we have ever eaten in. It tasted like everything had been cooked from canned food. Ryan and I didn't say anything to the kids. We didn't want to taint their experience. But man they are making good money. Joseph took his paper place mat, folded it, and put it in his pocket. Later on he pulled it out and declared it was his treasure map. The simple pleasures of children. If only we could all be so creative in finding joy.

We really had not planned on going by the water but being so close we headed on over. We had a good time. The kids played in the sand and tried to run away from the water. They ended up getting wet and no one seemed to mind wet jeans. Ryan watched the kids and let me run on the beach. It was nice and I am excited to be able to run long distances. When I got back Joseph told me he had to use the restroom. There are no restrooms in site. I joking tell him as I point to the ocean, "There is the worlds biggest potty." Before I have a chance to realize he took me literally he walks up to the water and starts to pull his pants down. But before he does he looks back at my to see if I am serious. Ryan and I just bust up laughing. What a funny kid.

As we walk back to the car Emma says to me, "This is the best day ever!" A surfer with tattoo's all over his body walked by us just as Emma said. He got a huge grin on his face and said to me, "That is the best complement." It was cute to see this tough guy softened by my little Emma. She has a way of making people smile. I was grateful for his comment because it helped me to appreciate even more the fun day we had enjoyed.

Joshua's birthday was on the 12th. We had just gotten back from Vegas the night before and I was so tired from driving. It is traditional in our family that the bday kid gets whatever they want for breakfast. Josh told me he wanted donuts the night before but in the morning all he wanted was cereal. The other kids kept trying to convince him he wanted something else, (they knew they could have whatever he had also) but nope. He knew what he wanted. For a week he has been telling me all he wants for his birthday is a ladder, a brown one at that. This mischievous child does not need a ladder but how do I tell him that when that is all he wants. The first thing he said when he woke up was about this ladder.

Joshua also told me he was excited about his party. Party? I had no party planned. SO i quickly text my 2 SIL's that live real close and my MIL and ask if they can get together for a pinata and lunch and we will call that a party. I made him a quick train cake, it looked more like a truck cake. I bought angel food cake cause I didn't have time to do anything more. I also bought a pinata and we used all the leftover candy from Sarah's party. He was so satisfied with the party, cake, and presents he forgot all about the ladder. Phew. We let him open the presents from us right before we took him to dinner. He cried when it was time to leave. He didn't want to eat, he wanted to stay home and play with his toys. Funny kid. We went to Boudins and he didn't touch his food. He ran circles in the restaurant instead. He was just to excited to sit still. He got a new bike and he loves it even though he does not know how to ride it yet.

The kids sometimes will say, "Oh my gosh" Joshua is convinced they are saying "Oh my Josh"

The other Day Joshua was out back playing with him self. He was swiping at the air and yelling something. Upon further investigation he is boxing with swipper the fox. I am never surprised by what this kid thinks up.

Last Sunday at church Joshua was being rowdy so Ryan had to take him out into the foyer. There are pictures there of the Savior. One of them is of the Savior blessing the apostles. Joshua told Ryan he wanted "that guy" for his birthday. That guy was the apostle kneeling at Jesus feet being blessed. There was also a picture of the lamb and the lion. He told Ryan he wanted to go in the picture and he wasn't scared of the lions. He has an imagination to bet all.

Jacob is 4 months wait 5 months

2009-06-15T19:44:00.000-07:00

At 4 months he is growing so fast it makes me feel a little sad. Some how I wish he could just stay my baby forever. He know weighs 18.5 lbs and is 27 inches long. He is the size of an average 7 month old. He is going to be one tall kid.

He loves to put any and everything in his mouth. It's my favorite when he grabs his shirt and starts sucking away. His little chubby belly is then exposed and it is just so kissable. Just this last week he has started to stick his tongue out and blow. Kind of like a razz with his tongue out. It cracks us all up. The funniest to me is when he is done nursing and he does this to let me know. He is not tongue tied like a few of the other kids and he loves to show that off.

He has such a mellow disposition. He hardly ever cries. Even when he is hungry he doesn't cry much. Only when he gets super over tired.

He loves to suck his fingers and I am surprised at how entertaining it is to him. The down side is when he gets his fingers to far in and starts to gag but does not know how to pull his hands out. Silly boy. It never upsets him like I think I would.

Update:
I started this post a month ago and now he is 5 months. Boy time flies. Jacob weighs 20.5 lbs and is starting to thin a bit. Not much. He is just so long. This sweet little boy has a way of lighting up any room. He smiles with ease and often. He rarely cries and I feel so blessed to have him.
The last couple of weeks have been crazy for me. Things were so crazy one day I was feeling kinda stressed about all I had to do so I bundled him, gave him his binkie, and put him in bed. I thought this would give me a minute to calm myself and once he started to cry I would go get him. Normally I would rock him till he fell asleep. He never cried. He fell asleep on his own. I wonder why it took me so long to figure this out. Know I can lay him down when he is tired and he falls asleep on his own.

He loves the kids. Jacob shares a room with Jared and when he wakes up in the morning Jared has been taking him out of bed and laying Jacob next to him. Jared will read to him or play with him and I am not even aware that Jacob has awoken. They have a sweet little bond. I love my boys!

As easily as it is to get him to smile it is equally challenging to get him to laugh. He very rarely laughs at the same thing twice. I have tried. And he has yet laughed a big huge belly laugh. Sarah was that way. More reserved as a small baby. He does not roll over much. He can but I think he is just pretty content hanging out. I hold him to much and I am sure that does not help. We have hard flooring and I am hesitant to put him down on our one little spot of carpet for fear that Joshua will love him to death.

I am Wonder Women!

2009-04-26T21:36:00.000-07:00

When I first met Ryan's mom I thought, "She is wonder woman" I remember feeling like there was no way I would ever measure up to this lady. Over the last few years it has become a joke between Ryan and I. Whenever I accomplish or do something I thought was difficult either Ryan or I will refer to me as wonder woman. Today was one of those days. Ryan was sick in bed with the flu so that meant I got to take all 6 children to church by myself. Hmmm? I wondered at the plausibility of this task but went forward with it any way as I felt like it was the right thing to do and would be the best example to my children (I never expected to get anything from the service today)

So to my shock and amazement my children were angels. Only one little tiff that lasted about 30 seconds. But more then that I got to really listen and absorb what was said. Then the baby slept all through church so I got to really listen to the full three hours. I learned a lot today and felt very full as I got the kids in the car to come home. Ryan greeted me with a "you are wonder woman"

As I did dishes tonight after the house was filled with sleeping children I thought about what this term means to me and why sometimes I feel like I can conquer the world and other times I feel deflated and very unable to do anything well. What I concluded is that we all have an inner Wonder Woman in us. Does that mean perfection is always evident in our eyes? Unfortunately not. What it does mean is that we are able to accomplish so much more then we realize. And it is in those moments of great accomplishment we fell on top of the world. It seems to me that in those moments that is who we truly are. A Goddess in the making. Creating and organizing matter that has been placed before us. We get distracted at times like a few weeks ago I was having a rough moment and Ryan said something about Wonder Woman and I started to cry and said "I am not wonder women." He loving reminded me of all that I had going on and that simply because I was having a rough moment did not take away from my inner wonderfulness.

As women it seems so easy to notice other women's greatness but fail to see our own simply because we see our faults so plainly before us. It is not in spite of our faults that we are wonderful it is because of them. It is through our hardships we learn to overcome, to get up when kicked down again and again, to press onward when all we really want to do is go back to bed. God gave us our strengths and our weaknesses so that we might learn to bring them together that we may rely on Him in all things.

What does it truly mean to be a wonder woman? Accomplishing something you previously thought difficult, challenging, or even impossible. Recognizing you are not perfect yet you keep striving for it. Desiring greatness and never settling (for very long) anything but the best you can possibly give and do.

Embrace the inner Wonder Woman in you.

My little three month old

2009-04-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

I love this picture. It seems like I always get the pictures I love best when I am not trying. Some one asked me to take their daughters wedding pictures for her today. (I think she was finding out if I would be interested-her daughter might just elope) I would think that would be so amazing. The whole reason I love taking pictures is the ability a picture has to capture emotion. So to be able to capture one of the most passionate and love filled moments for a person would be a privilege. I don't really know that I am qualified but I would love to give it a try. That was off topic..
..Back to my little Jacob. He just turned 3 months and is seriously the happiest. He smiles all the time and the kids love when they come say hi to him and are greeted with the biggest Jacob grin. He is finally has a good little schedule. It seems to be the same most days. He wakes up at 7 and nurses about every three hours. He goes to bed around 8-9 most nights. I love schedules.
Jacob Milestones:
As of tonight he weighs 17 lbs
Cooes frequently and razzes especially when he has just eaten.
He has discovered his hands and loves to suck on them
He pushes up when on his tummy
Has "accidentally" rolled over a few times. (meaning he used my leg to push off or he was on an incline
He got his first hair cut about a month ago (I shaved it with the clippers and it's growing in great)
He really doesn't cry much. Only if we wait to long to bundle him and give him his pacifier.
Last night he went 7 hours before waking to eat (This could be due to the fact that I finally put him in the other bedroom and it requires him to really cry for me to wake up)
He has discovered his tongue and enjoys making faces
If you razz at him he will usually razz back.

Joshua and Joseph love to come and kiss his head or hold his hand. Wow I am curious what three little active boys will be like. The three older kids love to hold him and Sarah loves to get him dressed and change his diaper. Sometimes they pick out really cute outfits and other times, well...I find a reason to change him if we are leaving the house.

He brings a great happy spirit about him and I feel so blessed to have him in our home. I think we all feel that way