I have moved

I have decide to move my 3 blogs into one.  I am actually blogging again, Its been awhile.  You can know find me at Pinkowlsweets.com

Smarty pants

Just got back from meeting with Joseph and EmmaLees teachers. Wow. I am so impressed with my children. Neither Ryan nor I were great students. Mostly for lack of trying on both our parts. But my kids all excel and they literally wow me.

Joseph got the highest grade is his class on the state math test. He was the only one to get 100%. His teacher kept saying how wonderful he was. He works hard and gets along well with all the kids.

EmmaLees teacher could not say enough about how helpful and kind she is. EmmaLee works hard and really enjoys school and her teacher. She even feels Emma should be placed in gate.

I know I shouldn't boast but I feel very proud of my little smarties. Mostly I feel humbled. I don't know why I was blessed with such smart kids. I feel they have so much to teach me and for that I am grateful to be their mother. I hope I can do them justice.

Normal

Why is it so hard to think of what to blog when it has been a long time? Maybe because there is simply to much to blog about. So many goings on in our house hold. To many emotional ups and downs to choose from. Some big events and many small ones I want to remember. Blogging why did you stop being a habit?

Today I want to remember how much I love the small every day parts of motherhood.

Jacob is now potty trained. He has been so easy to potty train. That has been refreshing. He is also out of his crib. This is the longest any of my kids have stayed in a crib. There was no baby to kick him out. The transition for that has been really easy as well. No more diapers and no more cribs.

Joshua loves school, most days. I think he loves being social and playing with his friends. For the first time we have neighborhood friends come over on a regular basis and I love that. Josh loves that his buddy lives so close.

Joseph has really come out of his shell this year. He talks much more and seems much less shy. We were talking yesterday remembering when he would grunt when we asked him a question. No more grunting. He tells me about school and friends. He had a little problem with the neighbor kid and I was impressed with how it was handled. The boy was calling Joseph names and teasing him. EmmaLee and Joseph decided to walk away from him when it occurred. He ended up apologizing and I think have these kinds of trials are good for kids when they are handled well. Life will be full of difficult people. I'm proud he didn't let this one boy talk that way. I'm proud he walked away from the situation.

EmmaLee has been seeking quality time with me. The other night she created a craft project for us to do together. Wish I had taken a picture. She reminds me so much of myself at her age. Loves to make things and chatter with friends. Loves her teacher to pieces.

I love when Sarah sees a need and tries to help. I have been sick in bed all day and she helped the kids get ready for church with being told to do so. She has become my best help in the kitchen, EmmaLee also. They love to cook and have even started making food on their own.

Jared loves to come find quiet moments to just talk we me. I feel loved when he tries to kick the kids out because he wants one on one time with me. I'm glad he feels comfortable sharing things with his momma.

I'm not sure when it happened but my children have started to become very independent. Ultimately that's what any mother wants for her children but it feels strange for me at the same time. With no more baby, no more diapers, and very few night time interruptions I feel freed of constant need and on the one hand I love that. On the other I miss holding a little person so very often. My kids still love hugs and snuggles and I take them appreciatively when they come but it just isn't the same.

I got to spend some beautiful time with a family members new baby this last week. It reminded me of sleepless nights and long days. That time is gone for me. I remember wishing time would speed up so I could... Make dinner, go to the bathroom, or even shower without worrying about that sweet new baby waking up or crying. Wondering when I would ever feel "normal" again not realizing normal is not a real tangible thing.

Normal I have learned is up's and down's. Sad moments sprinkled with unexplainable joy. A life very different and yet so much better then what you had planned. It is realizing that perfection is something to be sought after, yearned for, look forward to, not something to measure and beat yourself up over. Normal is making mistakes, messing up to the point of wanting to quit. Normal is getting up anyway. Itl is realizing this life is a long journey with a huge learning curve excepting and striving to understand everyone is trying to do there best. Normal is seeing that challenges do not define us. It is how we handle them that can create the person we are ultimately meant to be.

Sometimes I feel very normal and I wish and long for extraordinary. I believe that is part of the process as well. It seems our spirits can sense we have amazing greatness inside just longing to become majestic beings and yet this earthly experience requires patience and time. It demands we learn, stretch, grow and become through each individual challenge and triumph.

My BIL Sean reminded me last night that life is meant to be easy. That when we turn to our Savior even the hardest of "normal" challenges can bring great peace and even joy. When we keep Him in the for front of our experiences we can see He has more in store for us then we would happily settle for.

This month of thanksgiving I feel grateful for our hardships. I have learned some very good life lessons I would not have learned otherwise. I feel I am learning a little bit better how to be happy regardless of what life hands us. But mostly I am learning that normal is a pretty amazing process which seems to surpass my wildest expectations.

Josh

Just so I remember. Joshua told me "in my world everyday is mothers day.". He proceeded to tell me he was making me a picture for mothers day. He has been coloring so much and I love to watch my kids color and enjoy life. Maybe I need to have coloring with the kids be on my list of to-do's this week.

Day 7

Jacob has been scary sick with croup. So sick that last night we almost called 911. He could hardly breath and he was scared. Through inspiration we tool him outside into the cold night air and that seemed to make a huge difference for him. Today has been better but he can hardly speak and he still sounds like it is hard to breath.
Right before bedtime Ryan had the kids go lay on the trampoline with Jacob so he could experience the cool night air. We decided to join them and I'm so glad we both slowed down and just enjoyed being with them. We looked at stars and laughed. We tickled and we laughed. We snuggled and laughed. The kids wanted to sleep out there. Man alive I love these little people and my sweet hubby who loves us all.

Days 3 & 4

Last night for family night Ryan and I told the kids stories about out grandparents. I even told them so very old stories of my ancestors. It was neat to see how excited they got. I love these kids.

When the little ones went to bed I tool the time to teach the older two how to use familysearch.org and newfamilysearch.org. I was thrilled with how excited they got. They were asking all kinds of questions and looking up census records. They were even fighting over who got to do it next.

I am such a believer that part of understanding who you are is understanding where you came from. Amazing people came before me and have so much wisdom to offer if I will just let them. I wish I had time to sit and read every story and memorize it all so that is was deep in my heart

Today my poor Joshua was sick. He has croup and he just sounds so sad. Normally when my kids are watching tv cause they are sick and that is all they can do I like to get things done because they are...well...entertained. Today I sat and rubbed his back instead. I would stop to turn the page of the book I was reading and he would ask so sweetly if I would keep doing it. I'm grateful for this 31 day project. Otherwise I would have missed out on some of these experiences.

Day 2

Today we watched conference from the comfort of our home. I woke up feeling excited and ready to hear answers to my prayers, which seemed to come rather quickly.

During the break between sessions I was going to go take a nap but then Jacob and Josh wanted me to play cars with them. I think in the past I would have just gone to my nap. Then the older kids turned on home videos and it was so fun to watch those with them. I would have missed out on that had I not taken the time to slow down today.

31 Days of Slowing Down

Sometimes, ok a lot of time, at the end of the day I wish I had spent more quality time just being with the kids. I feel like I am so busy doing I forget to really engage with the little people. Some of my kids demand it and so they get it. Others are so easy going I think they slip through the cracks a little bit.

I have decided to spend the next 31 days doing something. That was vague on purpose. I am going to make an effort to slow down in some way or another and really be here for my kids. My thought is that something, no matter how small, is more then nothing.

Tonight Ryan, Jared, and Sarah are all gone at outside activities. After we put the kids to bed I taught her to make friendship bracelets. Nothing major. Just one on one time with my arts and crafts girl doing something I knew she would love. I want her to always feel comfortable talking with me and like hanging out with me. I love this sweet girl.

This year she has really started to love reading and has decided to take on the Harry Potter books much to the delight of her older siblings who love them so much! She loves her teacher and told me she has been trying really hard not to be so chatty. I always had that problem, I guess I still do.

My schedule

Every once in a while I think my life feels kinda crazy. I know one day I will wish I had all my little people around me like I do now. So I want to document my everyday craziness.

5:25 wake up, pray, get ready for gym
5:40-6:30 gym time
6:45 shower
7 family scripture reading and family prayer
7:30 take middle school kids to school and pick up carpool
7:50-8:15 help elementary kid get ready for school
8:15 eat breakfast & start laundry
8:30 start to clean up from breakfast
9 take Ryan to work. (miss our second car)
9:20 depends on the day. Either run errands or do housework.
10:30 school work with Joshua
11:10 Josh and Jacob eat lunch and pack snack for Joshua.
11:30 leave to pick up carpool then take to K
11:50 pick up Ryan for lunch
12:45 Jacob and I go down for nap
1:15 mommy time. This is when I will get things done that are just easier when kids are not around. Every once in awhile I will read. Wish I did that more often
2:25 middle school kids get home
2:30 they have a snack and start on homework
3:35 elementary kids get home
3:40 snack and homework
4ish I start with dinner prep
5:15 Ryan gets home and we have dinner
6 dinner clean up.
6:20 kids do their jobs.
7 family prayer
7:05 reading with the boys
7:30 little boys to bed
7:30 girls to their rooms to read
8 girls lights out.
8:30 Jared goes to bed
8:30 down time, Ryan and I get to hang out.
9:30 lights out for me. I have become an old person since I have to wake up so early.

After writing all that down I realize things really are not to bad right now. Sarah just finished her travel Bball team and piano is on hold. Now next month with 4 kids starting Bball things will get a little crazy again.

Big to nuff?

Everyday I drive the middle school kids to school. Jacob rides with me. He is always so excited when we pick up our carpool. He makes them laugh on most days. It is a delightful drive... Until we drop them off. He asks me, "Am I big to nuff?" and when I have to tell him he is not yet big enough to go to school he feels sad. But he seems to get over it pretty quickly.
Then I get home and help the elementary kids get ready. They like to walk to school so Jacob doesn't seem to make a big deal about them leaving.
When we take Joshua to school Jacob grabs his back pack and declares "I'm big to nuff now." I don't say anything because I need him to get into the car in a cooperative mood. We pick up the neighbor kid and off to school. The boys jump out and realization hits that another day has come and he does not get to go to school. Melt down. Serious screaming and crying. I feel bad for the kid. He doesn't realize that he still has 3 more years before he gets to go to school.
And then I think it might be me the one who cries when they are all in school.

I thought I should document this

Every morning, well most mornings, we sit down together and read scriptures. This is such a vital time for us as a family. We take time to study God's words for us, we pray together, we love each other. I believe it brings us closer together.

The other day when Jacob was actually paying attention I felt compelled to get out my Snap and take a picture. I think this picture will stick with me when they are all grown and gone.

Back to School

We are now into the swing of school. With three different start times it can feel a little hectic. I imagine next year will be even crazier with seminary, high school, middle, and elementary school. The first few days were a filled with excitement and a few tears. Long days at school are hard when you are used to lazy summer days.

Jared got his classes switched so now he is with all of his friends.

Sarah is being very picky about her friends and I could not be more proud of her. She wants to make sure her circle of friends are good kids. Today she told me she thinks she might have made a best friend.

EmmaLee has the best teacher ever. I meet her tonight at back to school night and she really is so perfect for her.

Joseph, who I was most worried about, has made a bunch of friends. 2 of which we just found out live on our street and then have been over here playing every day since. The one boy Jack has a little brother Nick in Joshua's class so he has been over a couple times as well.

Joshua thinks Kindergarten is ok. He says his teacher is boring and kinda gets mad at them sometimes. He is learning the girls don't want to play with him and that was hard at first since he is used to playing with his girl cousins. But now he has made a bunch a guy friends.

Jacob and I have enjoyed some leisurely time together once Josh goes to school. We pick up Ryan from work, have lunch together, read stories and take naps.

I miss them while the are gone!

My children are no longer babies. In fact I will never have my own baby again. Maybe this is why we still call my 2 and 1/2 year old baby. As they get older I am noticing a new pattern of entitlement. I'm not sure why teenage-hood seems to bring this on but I want to be more armed and ready to tackle it.

So when I heard about this book I was super excited. Here is the link if you want to order it.

http://entitlementtrap.com/giveaway.htm

Once it is in my hands I will be spending time on my sofa marking up it's lovely pages.

Summer

This summer has been a different one for me. We didn't go on any amazing trips. No real vacations minus a very quick trip weekend trip for Sarah's Bball tournament. We didn't make a bucket list or anything with a wow factor. We didn't get together much with friends.

We did spend a lot of time at the beach and the pool. We did have family come stay with us. We did redo the girls room and hang out together at home a bunch.

About two weeks ago I was having a hard week and feeling very ready for the kids to go back to school. They were fighting a lot and I felt they needed a break from each othe. Then today hit and I now have a huge knot in my stomach. Am I ready for them to be gone? Am I prepared to have my fifth child in kindergarten? Will he do ok with being told what to do? Is Sarah going to transition ok to middle school?Will Joseph's new teacher be understanding about his condition? Will Emma make good friends? Will Jared be ok even though all his good church friends have a different lunch period then him?

Man being a mom leads to all kinds of worry and concern. And there really is nothing I can do about any of this except trust in God. Trust that He knows their needs and even their wants and that He will give them what is the very best for them. And that He will give me the guidance I need so that I may be the very best parent for them.

Do you ever have an idea that blooms so rapidly in your head you feel you need to write a book about it? This happens every once in awhile to me. It is as if Heavenly Father opens my mind to understand a concept and then puts experiences in my path to then understand them. About 5 years ago I experienced this for the first time that I can remember.

I began to understand so deeply the love our God has for women and how the world is doing all it can to tear them down. The more I pondered on the subject the deeper I felt about it. A story plot began to grow in my mind. I began to see a glimpse into my purpose. And then life hit me and it hit me hard. It seemed as though the women I was closest to were struggling in ways I didn't know how to help. Then we had physical trials and financial trials and life was just hard for a little while.

I was in survival mode and I seemed to lose that glimmer of light I had into my purpose. Now several years later I feel it knocking at my door and for some reason it frightens me. Will I be able to do hard things? Will my written words have the strength and power to entice change? Will I be able to portray all that I feel in my heart? Will I be able to get over my fears and plug forward?

As I type that I want to shoot yes. I want to fight for this. I want to be the conduit of change for women who struggle understanding their worth by sharing the words God places into my mind. So if you read this I ask that you pray for me to have the strength to press on and the power to give hope to the hopeless and strength for the weak.

The idea that has been flowing to me from many directions is simple. I call it the divine power of purpose. All of us here on earth are given talents and gifts. As we learn to identify what those gifts are we can find greater meaning and purpose in our every day living. As we strengthen what we have already been given a by product of that will be
1. We will find joy in sharing those gifts. Isn't it true that it is much more enjoyable to do something you are good at opposed to something you feel like a failure at?
2. Our life will take on greater purpose because we will understand we are doing what Heavenly Father wants us to do and by so doing we will feel a closer connection to our Maker.
3.We will understand how to better serve those around us in a way that brings not only us fulfillment but them as well. When you run across a person who is so passionate about a topic you can't help but be inspired and want to improve yourself in the process.
4.We will no longer feel the need to compare ourselves to others because we will see our unique gifts in the grand picture much like colors in a rainbow, all are needed to give the rainbow it's unique beauty.

Let me share an example. I like to talk to people and understand their stories. When I was younger people would tell me all about their problems, sometimes more then my young heart could handle. Listening then helping came easy to me and so I just assumed it was easy for everyone.

As I got older I began to see this was something Heavenly Father had given me so that I could help people. I began to seek inspiration when helping. Now when a girlfriend comes to me and, through this gift, I am able to help them I have feel as though I am on cloud nine. That is because I am doing what I was designed to do. Not what Jenny or Jack were meant to do but what I was meant to do. I began to feel my life has purpose and I feel a closeness to Divinity. This kind of service is natural for me because it is what I am meant to do.

I want to help women find joy and meaning in everyday service by using the gifts they have been given. Then finding peace in knowing their offering is not only accepted but pleasing to the Lord.

Wrapping paper fun and potty training

Sometimes I remember when I only had one child. I was much more strict with my children and I think there was a lot I didn't let them do. I feel one of the blessings of having a larger family is that as a parent you learn to relax a little and hopefully enjoy a little more.

My first reaction when I heard that Jacob had gotten into a very large roll of wrapping paper was to laugh. The older kids wanted to get after him but once they saw my response they joined in. They unrolled it and made it into a snow man carpet. They danced and laughed and enjoyed each other. I am reminding myself about this tonight because it feels as though they have been fighting all day.

For some reason I think my little man running around in his buzz unders is so cute. Thursday we bought him his own lighting mcqueen potty that vrooms when you flush, new unders, and treats. I taped a ton of baggies to the back of the bathroom door. Each baggie has things like 2 m&m's, a starburst, a few stickers etc. Whenever he goes in the potty he gets a treat. So far he is doing pretty good. Of course he has had a few accidents but that is what I am expecting so again yay for being the 6th child. I am way more relaxed about the whole thing.

I think it helps that he is so stinking cute! Look at that face!

Joey

We were blessed to go to the funeral of Joey. I am always amazed how LDS funerals manage to uplift and bring peace. Sometimes my heart feels so full I can't seem to find words to explain how I feel. Tonight seems to be one of those moments. So instead I will leave you with these sweet pictures of Joey's brothers with my nephews.

Hope among sorrow

Today is one of those days were sadness fills me to my very core and I am not sure how to even come to grips. A couple days ago I got reading a blog, about some one I did not even know. The mom died in child birth leaving behind 3 children plus the baby who only lived a very short time. The post was written by the husband. Tears poured because I could not imagine how I or Ryan would try to pick up the pieces and go on after such a devastating lose.

Today at lunch Ryan and I got to talking about the "what-if's" But it is still so hard to comprehend, the thought of losing anyone that you love. And then it happens.

Shortly after Ryan went back to work he called me with news that a family member had committed suicide. My first thoughts were numbness and a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. My empathy instantly went to the persons mother. I felt such an overwhelming feeling of love for her and prayers have gone through my mind all day. Then I think about his father, his siblings, his family, his friends. All are left to try and cope without him. Where is comfort to be found?

In times of sadness like this, the overwhelming kind, the only answer can come through our Savior. Does that me know one will feel sadness? Of course not. But the hope is that through Him, at first, the pain can be slightly less. That through Him there is hope to be found. That while sadness is all one can feel there is hope that one day light will come again. That one day a person begans to notice the pain a little less and the brightness and warmth a little more. That as we turn to Him in our sorrow we find someone who understands when no one else can and in a one only He can.

So tonight as my Joshua screams during prayers and the older kids fight I thank my Father in Heaven for children who grace my home with chaos and noise and laughter and joy. I hold them a little tighter and I try to turn my own sorrow into hope. Hope for a brighter tomorrow.

Best cake ever

Today I decided to turn my project 365 blog from last year into my cake adventure blog. I just barely posted a recipe I tried tonight that was to die for. Lemon coconut cake with lemon curd filling and coconut cream frosting. The blog address is 365daysthroughmyeyes.blogspot.com/