Sunday, March 07, 2010

Ramblings on a Sunday evening while my hubbie sleeps.

How do you even begin a blog post when it has been over a month? Not sure but here goes...

Sunday's have changed. First they were scary monsters that I feared. I would look forward to bed time from the moment I got up just because I was not sure how I was going to handle being a single mom preparing and then being at church. Then I was asked to teach the 14-15 year old Sunday School class. We are studying the old testament and this alone was a bit overwhelming. But a little at a time I have come to enjoy my Sundays again. Not the same as they once were but I am doing it. I am noticing how Heavenly Father has blessed me with the knowledge of how best to handle Sacrament meeting with the kids while starring at my husband on the stand.

I made the little boys backpacks that are just for church. Having their own bags seems to help. We have also been using color-wonder, stickers, a pad of paper, cheerios, water bottle, and pipe cleaners. I am unsure as to why pipe cleaners other then it works. Some reason those little bending things, with some imagination, can be made into anything you desire. And it even entertains Jared who should be paying attention. Most Sundays I can stay in the meeting the whole hour. I wasn't doing that when Ryan sat with us so I know it is divine intervention.

Teaching Sunday school is just so different from anything I have done before. The stories are much more interesting then I realized. So much DRAMA is filled in the bible. I have only taught 3 or 4 lessons and we have already covered the death of the whole world minus a few people, the burning of an entire city because of sexual sin, sacrificing of children to pagan Gods, adultery, just to name a few.

But more then the soap opera of it all I am learning the goodness of God. His great love for even the wicked. That he answers prayers and often immediately. Today I learned that while Abraham was strapped to a sacrificing table by the hands of his father he plead with the Lord and immediately He came to Abraham and set him free. I wonder how many times The Lord is just waiting for us to ask for His help. Wanting to set us free from our trials or hardships but we don't ask. We act as though, "I got it, no worries." But we struggle and sometimes fall deeper and deeper into Satan's grasp. It seems to be easier to except help in the beginning before our pride is to far damaged or we are so deep in our sin we can't see a way out. So how do I take notice of when I am in the beginning stages? I guess that is my question to ponder for the night.

It seems to me the older I get the more obvious my weaknesses/sins. It feels as though in youth you are so worried about staying away from the big ones, fornication & drugs, that you don't notice jealousy, anger, a quick tongue and the like as being a problem. it probably also has to do with being a parent. I think I am tried in ways know that I never was. I know how a preteen who thinks he know better then me and tests that. His anger towards me is new and staying calm and patient is not always easy and I often slip. But what comes with age is HOPE. I am learning to except that I am not perfect and won't be in this life and yet in the day to day life I am finding great meaning and joy. I am learning and relearning that my best is MY best and that is as good as I am expected to do. So even though my faults stare me in the face I am trying to work on them, one little step at a time. Because a little is much more then nothing.

I feel as though God is using my training for this marathon as a way to teach me. I have learned many spiritual lesson on my long runs. I calculated how many miles I have run since the beginning of Jan and it totalled up to 189 miles. That is crazy. I have done that. When I first started 3 miles felt hard and I would get knots in my stomach when I thought about my first long run which was 5 miles. I wondered how I would be able to make it. And yet yesterday I ran 14 miles. That is over a half marathon. In a little over 2 months I was able to run that far. Recognizing that it has been little improvements and not giving up even when at times I have wanted to that have gotten me this far. And then also seeing that is what is going to get me all the way to the end of 26.2 miles. There were times when I prayed very hard for the will to and strength to want to run or to get through a hard part in my run. Every time it came and in many different ways. It is amazing to me that Heavenly Father is helping me so much with this. It is important to me and so I feel that it is important to Him. I think He wants us to have what we want. I guess part of the trick is to make sure what we ask for really is best for us.

I guess I see life that way. Baby steps in the right direction. Looking back from time to time seeing how much we have grown and improved and then gaining strength to go on, doing more then we did before or ever though possible. Remembering to ask for help frequently. I never thought I could handle 6 kids every week at church by myself but I am doing it and for the most part doing it well.

I am to tired to reread all that so if it doesn't all make sense love me anyway.