Sunday, July 26, 2009

Life

Since my thoughts have been taking me in the direction of enjoying the moment I have become keenly aware that this is the time in my life I will always cherish. The time that I will forever be looking back to with fondness.

My children surround me on a daily basis. They sing to me, hug me, and kiss me. They love to tell me what is going on in their world and they usually want to be with me. Some time in the near future they will be embarrassed to hug me in public (Jared was crying the other day and when I went to put my arm around him he pushed me away), will hope that I don't ask what they did with their friends, and probably, more often then I would like, they will be angry at me when they think they know everything and realize I don't.

I feel sad for the inevitable future. But in this moment I feel so much joy for the love they give me so freely. How do I stop time for just one night. When I go to tuck them in at night after they have fallen asleep I just hope and pray that they can feel how much love I feel for them.

Fum kid stuff-
Joseph is so excited to be starting school. I don't think he realizes all that in entails but he is enjoying the preparations. He has his super cool backpack with marvel comic folders, Cool new Harry Potter shoes, and lots of new clothes he has already worn in. He is so shy around people he does not know I am a little worried about his first day at school. I hope his siblings take care of him.

The kids are all really big in to Harry Potter right now. After watching the latest movie Ryan bought the serious so we could get caught up. I only let the kids watch 1 and 2 cause I think they others are a little to scary. They put scarfs on and make robes out of blankets and they keep turning each other into things with their funny sounding spells. Joseph keeps turning himself into a dad because he believes when you are a dad you can then do whatever you want. Does he not realize his dad works like a mad man and doesn't get to "play" very often?

I have rekindled my love of reading. We have severally limited our tv watching so know I fill my extra time with reading. I just finished the 7th potter book and actually really enjoyed it. I don't know why I stop at 5 so many years ago. I also read the twilight series and The Host. Both were very interesting but not something I want my daughter reading yet. I try to keep her away from all romance stories. She is a very passionate person and i think it best to stay away from love stories till she is much older. I have started a few other stories like The Shack and one called Dear John.

Emma has finally "got" it in the reading department. It was about this age that Jared finally started to really get it and want to read books on his own. She likes to read to the little boys and I think it is so cute. Have a break from school had been so good for me. I have all kinds of new ideas for this new year and I am always hopeful I will do better then I have in the past.

Here is to a week of adventure and triumph!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Sunday musings

I feel the need to write some thoughts down. While reading an article in the Ensign understanding came to me in a way i never expected. I think sometimes being a mom I feel...inadequate. Like if I am doing good in one area I am falling behind in another. I am never as good as I want to be and at times, a lot of the time, this fact is in the for front of my mind. It feels as though I celebrate my glories then quickly remember my frailties. I get one step ahead then I see how far I still have to go. I know there is a balance somewhere out there. One that allows me to see that I am imperfect while recognizing that I am doing so much right. Seeing in the horizon all the glory I have already obtained while in this mortal body yet remembering to continue to work on who I am. I have endured, progressed, and learned so much to date yet there seems to be some much still in the undeveloped or unlearned.

But what I realized today was that my mundane choirs are a huge part of what I have been commanded to do. To feed the hungry (how many snacks does one ten year old boy need?) To clothe the naked (My water bill and mounds of laundry will attest to this) Administer to the sick (more times then I care to recount) Help people spiritually and temporally (we say our prayers as a family we read scriptures daily with our children. I teach them what I learn).

When I looked at my life in this new light it is was though the Lord was letting me know he really is well pleased. I have heard those words before but for some reason I always had a hard time grasping onto there meaning. I am fulfilling the calling he has asked me to do. These basic "jobs" I attend to daily help to make my Father in Heaven proud of me. Little old nothing special imperfect me. Anything else I might accomplish is simply icing on the cake.

It feels as though light can shine a little brighter for me now. It is such a small thing but to me it feels huge. I have truly been trying to enjoy the day to day experience of being a mom. Trying to laugh more, play more. Just trying to live instead of just be.

I was talking with Ryan the other day how it seems that life is like the ocean with a constant up and down motion of the waves. Sometimes you feel on top of the world. You perspective is clear the sun is bright and warm. You can see the destination in the distant and yet you are thrilled with where you are at. Other times you feel as though the waves are on top of you and you can't see which way to go. You are not even sure which way is up or where to plant your feet. Things can feel so hopeless at those times.

Life had been feeling very challenging on and off for me over the past little while. A lot struggles and growth. But gradually, and with no small amount of effort, I feel like I am on top of things again. I feel like it is the spring of life for me. What a glorious stage I am in. My kids all love me and enjoy being around me. We get to spend so much time together laughing and learning. The are really the best children and more then any one mother could ask for. I am healthy and get to use my body for running and playing. My husband loves me dearly. My parents are a part of my life. My sister is so dear to me. I have a beautiful home with a kitchen to cook wonderful meals in. I have the beach near by, a temple within 30 minutes. A church that helps me want to be a better person and that helps me to know how loved I really am.

I feel more blessed than I ever thought I possibly could. Life truly is a blessing.

Here are a couple pictures that I feel show my effort to live a little more.

I had the best time riding this off road cart around with the kids on vacation. I want one.
I went on the zip line cause Joseph and Joshua wanted to. I was scared but it ended up not being so bad.

Jacob is 6 months already.

I love the drool in this picture.

He is so much fun. He babbles all the time. He says mama, baba, dada. He still loves to razz and has even learned how to do it while holding his binkie in his mouth. He rolls from his back to his stomach with ease. He absolutely loves his jumper It cracks us up how high he can bounce when he gets going.

When we were swimming the other day Emma kept popping up out of the water and he would giggle every time. His laugh really is the best. He totally hates bath time. I mean with a huge passion. Its odd that he let me take him swimming with no complaints. He even kind of liked it.

We feed him his first meal this week. This little guy is so easy going. He pulled no face what so ever. He acted like an old pro. The kids wee all standing around me and laugh. They were just so thrilled that he could eat something. Jacob was so entertained by them that he hardly noticed I kept putting food in his mouth. He finally caught on then was upset when I was done. He will be a good eater.

Jacob loves to play with his toes and eating them is even funner. He still is just such a happy baby with a great disposition. He learned to sleep through the night with a little help. It was fairly simple. I didn't have to let him cry for long periods of time. He would start to fuss and I would simply give him his binkie and he would fall back asleep. Granted I would have to do that a few times before he just gave up and went back to sleep.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Just because..

...My kids are so stinkin cute