Sunday musings

I feel the need to write some thoughts down. While reading an article in the Ensign understanding came to me in a way i never expected. I think sometimes being a mom I feel...inadequate. Like if I am doing good in one area I am falling behind in another. I am never as good as I want to be and at times, a lot of the time, this fact is in the for front of my mind. It feels as though I celebrate my glories then quickly remember my frailties. I get one step ahead then I see how far I still have to go. I know there is a balance somewhere out there. One that allows me to see that I am imperfect while recognizing that I am doing so much right. Seeing in the horizon all the glory I have already obtained while in this mortal body yet remembering to continue to work on who I am. I have endured, progressed, and learned so much to date yet there seems to be some much still in the undeveloped or unlearned.

But what I realized today was that my mundane choirs are a huge part of what I have been commanded to do. To feed the hungry (how many snacks does one ten year old boy need?) To clothe the naked (My water bill and mounds of laundry will attest to this) Administer to the sick (more times then I care to recount) Help people spiritually and temporally (we say our prayers as a family we read scriptures daily with our children. I teach them what I learn).

When I looked at my life in this new light it is was though the Lord was letting me know he really is well pleased. I have heard those words before but for some reason I always had a hard time grasping onto there meaning. I am fulfilling the calling he has asked me to do. These basic "jobs" I attend to daily help to make my Father in Heaven proud of me. Little old nothing special imperfect me. Anything else I might accomplish is simply icing on the cake.

It feels as though light can shine a little brighter for me now. It is such a small thing but to me it feels huge. I have truly been trying to enjoy the day to day experience of being a mom. Trying to laugh more, play more. Just trying to live instead of just be.

I was talking with Ryan the other day how it seems that life is like the ocean with a constant up and down motion of the waves. Sometimes you feel on top of the world. You perspective is clear the sun is bright and warm. You can see the destination in the distant and yet you are thrilled with where you are at. Other times you feel as though the waves are on top of you and you can't see which way to go. You are not even sure which way is up or where to plant your feet. Things can feel so hopeless at those times.

Life had been feeling very challenging on and off for me over the past little while. A lot struggles and growth. But gradually, and with no small amount of effort, I feel like I am on top of things again. I feel like it is the spring of life for me. What a glorious stage I am in. My kids all love me and enjoy being around me. We get to spend so much time together laughing and learning. The are really the best children and more then any one mother could ask for. I am healthy and get to use my body for running and playing. My husband loves me dearly. My parents are a part of my life. My sister is so dear to me. I have a beautiful home with a kitchen to cook wonderful meals in. I have the beach near by, a temple within 30 minutes. A church that helps me want to be a better person and that helps me to know how loved I really am.

I feel more blessed than I ever thought I possibly could. Life truly is a blessing.

Here are a couple pictures that I feel show my effort to live a little more.

I had the best time riding this off road cart around with the kids on vacation. I want one.
I went on the zip line cause Joseph and Joshua wanted to. I was scared but it ended up not being so bad.