My ah ha moment

Every once in a while I have a moment of clarity that seems to put my whole life into greater perspective. This last week I was blessed with one such moment.

When I became a mother at age 20 I wanted to be the best possible mother. I was so young and had not had the opportunity to develop what kind of mother I wanted to be. I just knew I wanted to be there for my kids. I wanted to sing to them and play with them. I wanted to give them the perfect upbringing. So I looked to the women around me. I started to emulate the ones I admired. I would ask them what worked for them and I would strive to do what I thought at the time was best.

As more children came and I got a little more comfortable in my mothering I began to see what worked for us. I realized some things that I was mimicking didn't really match with what I believed or they simply didn't work for me.

Along with this came the desire to do what these women did. There was food storage, scrap booking, sewing, genealogy, photography, digital scrap booking, home decorating, blogging, jewelry making, stylish clothes, complicated job charts or parenting styles, lavish vacations, amazing parties, amazing meals, thrift store shopping, organization. I have tried all of these things plus a few more. Some I was better at then others, some I failed at and never looked back.

As I blog surf I am surrounded with people who are really good at 1 specific thing. It is their hobby, their passion their love. I know where to go for any topic mentioned above. I recognize that we all have our thing and that is a big part of why I have tried so many. I wanted to find the one thing that I was passionate about.

I was cooking dinner the other night for the family plus Emma's friend who was sleeping over and four of Jared's friends. As I worked in the kitchen and listened to the kids around me I was filled with so much peace and joy for my life. It occurred to me that they are my passion. I do not need an extra hobby to obsess over when I have my obsession right here in front of me. I love when my kids tell me thank you for the dinner or hug or good talk we shared. I love when I get to spend lunch with my husband and we talk about our day. I love when they invite friends over and I love when they let me know how much they love me.

Disclaminer- of course there are hard days and hard parts. There are days I need a break or a nap or both. But for the most part I love it. Just like any hobby, sometimes you need to step away to remember why you love it so very much.

Does this mean I don't still enjoy doing some of those hobbies mentioned above? Of course I do. But what it means for me is that I don't need them. I don't need to be the expert on anything but my family. I applaud these other women. I think it is wonderful when we each can find our "thing" and then share it with the world. I appreciate their talents and their willingness to share so that I can copy what they have done when the need or desire comes about. Or I can just enjoy looking at the beauty they have created knowing I am creating my own kind of beauty in the walls of my own home.

What this also means for me is that I can be happier in my own skin. It is like I have finally figured out my calling in life. How silly that seems to me as I write it. I have six kids. I obviously like being a mom. But embracing it as what I am good at, what I love, what I am passionate about brings me greater peace. It also helps me to let go of comparing with other moms. I am my own kind of mother with a beautiful family to tend to and care for. And for today that is more then I ever dreamed of.