Wednesday, June 18, 2008

I normally make the choice to not complain on this blog. I like to reserve this space for the positive things in my life. But today I feel like I just need to be grumpy and I am hoping getting it out of my head will help me feel less negative.
I always have great anticipation when going to my first OBGYN appointment when I am pregnant. I am anxious to see that the baby is fine and hopeful that I will like the doctor I am going to, moving makes it hard to keep a dr you know and love. Plus the added wondering if I am farther along then I though or am I having twins, I recognize twins is probably a passing idea put into my ever day dreaming head and not so but either way I would love to know.The past few nights I have not slept well with anticipation of my appointment. I guess you would say I can be a worrier sometimes.
I woke up feeling really sick and with a pounding headache. One of those mornings you just want to stay in bed. But since I had to leave the house at 9 with the kids fed and ready as well as myself I had no choice. I was running a little late, another down fall of mine is anxiety over being late.
So when I walk into the office, tell the lady my name, and she says, "Oh I think they are rescheduling you." I start to cry. I held it together so no one new but me but it had just been such a long night and such a rough morning I felt like this was the last straw. I have felt sick for 4 weeks now. I feel like my functioning ability has been decreased to nothing. I normally don't even get sick till 8 weeks and here I am 8 weeks along and already sick for a month. I guess my hope for a good day os decreasing. Why do some days feel so very hard. When time passes I recognize how silly it is to be so upset but in the moment it feels so real and frustrating.
Yesterday was the last non black out day for the Disney passes in awhile so I had told the kids we would go. The night before Emma had hurt her nose diving off the diving board backwards and Jared sprained his wrist really bad. So when I woke up feeling really sick my desire to go had diminished to nothing. But since I had told Joseph and he was so excited I decided to go. Jared no longer wanted to go because his wrist hurt so bad. We finally get off and get there before 11. It was almost 90 when we got there and it was so crowded we had to park way far away and walk a ridicules ways. I kept a good outward appearance for the kids but let me tell yeah, never go to Disneyland in the summer, Never go the day a new ride opens, never go when you feel like you shouldn't but go against your better judgment, and never go when the high temp is over 85. If you were thinking of going in the summer, don't! Pull your kids out of school
shortly after they have started, near the end of Sept. You will coast on every ride, enjoy wonderful weather, children and parents will all be happier. I didn't last long and the kids were so drained the hardly said anything all day.
I will probably delete this post tomorrow but I do feel better now that I have complained.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

We always seem to share feelings. Brady helped me feel better today. I made him go to target with me. He helped me pick out a good portable speaker to plug into my mp3 player. and it works. I can now listen to my sleep tracks. I know things will get better from here. I hope your day is getting better also.

Candy said...

I wish I was there to just take the kids and let you sleep, play or whatever - I know exactly how you feel - even now not pregnant I have days like this. You are allowed to complain the fact that you did all you did anyway shows what a strong woman you are - the baby you carry is so lucky as are the other sweet babies you are raising! Love you!

Julie Winder said...

I am glad you didn't delete it...I can so relate to this post today...I love that the girls are out for the summer, but somedays like today when they fight 24/7...I feel a little crazy. you are a strong person...I admire you for all you do...it will pay off someday and you are so blessed because of it. Morning sickness is the worst..I think just getting out of bed is an accomplishment.

Ricki said...

I can't believe you did all of that feeling as terrible as you do! You can't delete this post, because someday your kids need to read that their mom loved them enough to keep a promise to them even when she was feeling like crap!!! I am sorry about the Dr. appt, that is the worst! You should have let them see you cry so that they might feel sympathy for you and let you keep your appointment! I would have!