I have been wanting to write about my running experience but I was hoping to wait until I had good news. Two weeks ago today I was having a great run. The kind where I achieved total flow. Meaning I felt at peace with the world and I felt as though this is what I am meant to do at this time in my life. I came to the most amazing realization- if I have to walk several miles I am going to finish this marathon. It helped to relieve stress I had been feeling wondering if
this is really something I could do. Then with about 1 mile left in my 7 mile run I felt sharp pain threw my knew as I heard a loud cracking sound. It caused me to hop step. I was able to regain myself and finish my run. My knee really didn't bother me to much until the next day when I could only run a mile before I felt the pain again. I was frustrated by this point. How was I going to do my first 16 miler?

We were going to be staying in Huntington and I love the nice flat beautiful area. I ended up spending three hours on the elliptical in the gym. When I was done I felt pretty good. My knee didn't hurt to bad. Monday I saw the chiro and he said I should be ok. So that night I was able to do a 5 mile run on the treadmill. Then Wednesday again about two miles in sharp pain. Ryan had to come get me. More chiro. biked Thursday.

When I started my long run sat I felt so good. I have missed running outside. Then two miles in the knee pain is back. After more chiro and more bike riding I am starting to wonder if I am
going to able to do this? Tuesday night I had watched on YouTube videos of people doing my marathon. So inspiring. I could really visualize myself there running and finishing this marathon. Mentally I had finally really got there. Really believing I have got this. Now it is my body that is really testing me.

I am hoping for a Cinderella story here.
Happy ever after. But if I am never able to do this I am so grateful for the experience. I have learned so much about myself and about life while training. I no longer stress about what I can't change. In the past I would be so upset and stressed about my knee problems. But I
feel strength from on high. I recognize that all I can do is all I can do and that is enough. I have also learned that pushing my self to do hard things is more rewarding then imagined. I have run 14 miles. I never thought I would be able to do that but I did and I loved it.

***Update
Yesterday I tried one more time. The whole week I laid off running. I biked and did more elliptical trying to keep up endurance. I got a brace for the run on Saturday. I have been icing it 2-3 times a day. I was even using a roller to try to work the muscles. I had decided that if I can't run I can't Saturday I can't do the marathon. I was doing ok until about 3 miles. I got farther then last week but just not far enough. Then I had another great thought. (I think the holy ghost speaks to me when I exercise) Just because I am unable to do this marathon does not mean I will never be able to finish one. I am already look for a new one. I have decided to take a month or two to try and heel my knee. I will keep biking and elliptical and maybe swimming. I will start doing strengthen exercises so that I hopefully won't ever have this problem again. And then I will start to train all over again. I hope that what I have gained from training will quickly come back to me and that I don't have to start from scratch. I am looking into the St George marathon.

He makes me cry...

...and I mean that in the best possible way. Twice this week this mini man has brought me to tears. On Friday I was feeling very frustrated about my knee problems and my inability to run. When I left the house to run some errands he over heard me tell Ryan how sad it mad me feel. While I was out I happened to check my email on my phone and this is the message I got,
Dear Mother
Always remember who you are and what you can accomplish if you desire it. And, never give up, NEVER EVER GIVE UP. You can do any thing; so don't let others tell you what you can and can not do. And you are what you think you are. You make a day a good day or a bad day. Remember that.

Jared M. Chapman, future Eagle Scout.

It really helped me to turn my perspective around. Just because I can't run right now doesn't mean I will never be able to run. I'll update about the marathon in another post.

Then today while Ryan and I were looking at a possible house for rent Jared had the kids clean up the house. They even wiped down the counter tops and folded and put away the laundry I had out. I think I really like this phase he is in right now. The kids were all so proud of themselves. And they were surprised I had tears in my eyes. I guess they didn't realize how little it takes to make me really happy.

I decided to test run my brand new to me camera. Can I just say how much I love love love it? Um... a lot!!!

There is still so much I do not know about photography and I am finally starting to see that I need to take a class to learn what I want but for now I am having fun learning. It's easy when my "models" are so dang good looking!
I don't have photoshop on my new computer yet so these are all unedited.

A little sneak peek for Erin

Ramblings on a Sunday evening while my hubbie sleeps.

How do you even begin a blog post when it has been over a month? Not sure but here goes...

Sunday's have changed. First they were scary monsters that I feared. I would look forward to bed time from the moment I got up just because I was not sure how I was going to handle being a single mom preparing and then being at church. Then I was asked to teach the 14-15 year old Sunday School class. We are studying the old testament and this alone was a bit overwhelming. But a little at a time I have come to enjoy my Sundays again. Not the same as they once were but I am doing it. I am noticing how Heavenly Father has blessed me with the knowledge of how best to handle Sacrament meeting with the kids while starring at my husband on the stand.

I made the little boys backpacks that are just for church. Having their own bags seems to help. We have also been using color-wonder, stickers, a pad of paper, cheerios, water bottle, and pipe cleaners. I am unsure as to why pipe cleaners other then it works. Some reason those little bending things, with some imagination, can be made into anything you desire. And it even entertains Jared who should be paying attention. Most Sundays I can stay in the meeting the whole hour. I wasn't doing that when Ryan sat with us so I know it is divine intervention.

Teaching Sunday school is just so different from anything I have done before. The stories are much more interesting then I realized. So much DRAMA is filled in the bible. I have only taught 3 or 4 lessons and we have already covered the death of the whole world minus a few people, the burning of an entire city because of sexual sin, sacrificing of children to pagan Gods, adultery, just to name a few.

But more then the soap opera of it all I am learning the goodness of God. His great love for even the wicked. That he answers prayers and often immediately. Today I learned that while Abraham was strapped to a sacrificing table by the hands of his father he plead with the Lord and immediately He came to Abraham and set him free. I wonder how many times The Lord is just waiting for us to ask for His help. Wanting to set us free from our trials or hardships but we don't ask. We act as though, "I got it, no worries." But we struggle and sometimes fall deeper and deeper into Satan's grasp. It seems to be easier to except help in the beginning before our pride is to far damaged or we are so deep in our sin we can't see a way out. So how do I take notice of when I am in the beginning stages? I guess that is my question to ponder for the night.

It seems to me the older I get the more obvious my weaknesses/sins. It feels as though in youth you are so worried about staying away from the big ones, fornication & drugs, that you don't notice jealousy, anger, a quick tongue and the like as being a problem. it probably also has to do with being a parent. I think I am tried in ways know that I never was. I know how a preteen who thinks he know better then me and tests that. His anger towards me is new and staying calm and patient is not always easy and I often slip. But what comes with age is HOPE. I am learning to except that I am not perfect and won't be in this life and yet in the day to day life I am finding great meaning and joy. I am learning and relearning that my best is MY best and that is as good as I am expected to do. So even though my faults stare me in the face I am trying to work on them, one little step at a time. Because a little is much more then nothing.

I feel as though God is using my training for this marathon as a way to teach me. I have learned many spiritual lesson on my long runs. I calculated how many miles I have run since the beginning of Jan and it totalled up to 189 miles. That is crazy. I have done that. When I first started 3 miles felt hard and I would get knots in my stomach when I thought about my first long run which was 5 miles. I wondered how I would be able to make it. And yet yesterday I ran 14 miles. That is over a half marathon. In a little over 2 months I was able to run that far. Recognizing that it has been little improvements and not giving up even when at times I have wanted to that have gotten me this far. And then also seeing that is what is going to get me all the way to the end of 26.2 miles. There were times when I prayed very hard for the will to and strength to want to run or to get through a hard part in my run. Every time it came and in many different ways. It is amazing to me that Heavenly Father is helping me so much with this. It is important to me and so I feel that it is important to Him. I think He wants us to have what we want. I guess part of the trick is to make sure what we ask for really is best for us.

I guess I see life that way. Baby steps in the right direction. Looking back from time to time seeing how much we have grown and improved and then gaining strength to go on, doing more then we did before or ever though possible. Remembering to ask for help frequently. I never thought I could handle 6 kids every week at church by myself but I am doing it and for the most part doing it well.

I am to tired to reread all that so if it doesn't all make sense love me anyway.

Staying close to home

For our anniversary back in Nov Ryan took me to this wonderful little hotel in Huntington Beach. We loved it so much we booked reservations for the past few days. We simply enjoyed being together with not much to do. The first day we spent at Disneyland. Very few people there and the lines were minimal. Since we could just walk on splash mountain Ryan and I both got to go on it in a very short period of time. I even convinced Josh to go. He said it wasn't so scary but he didn't want to go again. He sat next to me in the back and wouldn't let me go the entire ride. I loved the look of delight after the big drop when he realized it wasn't so bad after all.

We stayed until around 5 then headed to the hotel. We got a few groceries on the way and the kids enjoyed cereal for dinner. The little mini fridge was not big enough to hold all the milk I bought so we figured we should use it up. They loved that. Ryan walked around and found me some yummy fish place. So good. Our hotel had a huge balcony that over looked the beach. That is where we enjoyed our meals. There was a nice cool breeze and it was so relaxing being right on the water.

The next morning I ran a nice 3 mile run along the beach in the rain. I went to the south of the pier and was surprised at how many people where out in the rain. I stopped of at jamba juice and got breakfast.

Later that day we decided to walk along the beach. It wasn't raining at this point so it seemed like a good idea. We ended up at Ruby's on the end of the pier. The food reminded me a little of Denny's style but the ambiance was nice and the kids really enjoyed themselves. We laughed a lot and it felt good.

When it was time to leave the heavens had really opened up. We smiled and laughed as we walked back in the rain. I don't know why walking in the rain brings out the child in me but it sure does. I was running with the kids acting as the I were one of them. The best!

We dried off, took naps, and relaxed some more. The girls and I walked around the local shops. I bought Sarah some earrings and Emma picked out this huge owl locket. She was so thrilled and hasn't taken it off since.

We decided to go bowling. We have not been bowling in years and I think we all had a great time. I was surprised that every one enjoyed themselves. We went to Irvine bowl which is where I bowled with my parents win I was little. They were on a league and I remember loving hanging out there. When we were almost there I could taste ketchup. It was so weird to have a taste accompany my memory.

We then spent the next 2 hours trying to find a Macaroni grill. Wait what? Yes 2 hours. Traffic was really bad. We thought we found one. Took a wrong turn then another wrong turn. Finally got there and it was out of business. We laughed. By the time we finally got to one the wait was almost an hour so we opted for to-go and enjoyed eating dinner on the floor of our hotel room. We watched a movie and crashed.

I was so tired I feel asleep before 10. I was glad because I knew I had to run my first 10 mile run in the morning. Then around 10:30 Emma woke up crying from pain. Her ear hurt so bad. She woke up every thirty minutes to an hour after that for most of the night. I felt so bad for her. You could tell she was in a lot of pain. I am not sure at what time but she did finally fall asleep. In the morning when we looked at it she had blood and puss coming out of her ear. It had burst. The dr has told me in the past that when it finally burst the pain is relieved some what so that must be why she was finally able to sleep.

I did not want to go run. I was tired and I had a stomach ache but I went any way. I put Gatorade in my camel back and off I went. I normally use water but I thought I would give it a try since this was a long run for me and I knew it would take me a little less then 2 hours. I averaged 10:47 per mile. That is not fast by any means but to me it felt great! The first time I ever ran 6 mile's I ran it at and 11 minute pace. So any time I run quicker then that in distance I am proud of myself. My shorter mile runs are a little under 10 minutes. I used to be able to run faster then that but I have decided that I am training for distance and not speed. I think after this marathon I will start trying to gain speed. But for now I am celebrating every new mile as a huge victory!!

I went to the north of the pier this time. The rain had stopped but their was a nice cool wind that seemed to push against me. The run was fairly easy. I worked really hard to keep my slow pace so that I could endure. Every once in a while I would start to speed up then remind myself I needed to slow down. I found myself pondering and reflecting. It seems to take a few miles until I get to the point that I can really think about anything besides the run. But once I get to that point it feels so wonderful to have quiet time all for me.

I now teach the Sunday school for the 14-15 year olds at church and I was thinking about my lesson for next week. I thought about Noah and how he must have loved the people. How he must have pleaded with them to please repent. I imagine he must have been saddened by their unwillingness to change. He taught for over a 100 years. They were his offspring and relatives. It made me think of our lives today. Are we living the way we are commanded to do? Do we listen to the prophets both current and old? I felt for Noah. Being a teacher to the youth I have felt such love and compassion for them. I to have yearned for them to make good choices and hope that they to can learn to turn to the Lord for guidance as I am sure Noah taught his sons to. I was amazed that while running I could receive insight and inspiration. It made me love running even more.

By mile 8 I could see the pier and I thought, "only 2 more miles? I still feel great." I was able to speed up a little and I felt so pumped. Here I was about to run farther then I had ever run and I still had mojo to keep going! About this point these amazing fast runners past me for the second time. As she past she said, "keep it up!" and gave me a thumbs up. Man I love you fast runners. You keep me inspired and motivated!

When I stopped running my legs felt a little like jello. Kind of a strange feeling. It is kinda like when you have been in the ocean for a long time and then when you finally get out your body feels like it should still be moving. I had a nice cool down then went inside to stretch.

Emma had thrown up a couple of times while I was gone but was now resting. I figured our vacation would end short but I was so happy with how the couple of days were spent I didn't mind at all.

I decided to hit the showers. They where awesome with two shower heads and really hot water. But I started to feel really nauseous and had to sit down. I laid down on the bed as everything spun. I couldn't figure out why I felt this way. Then it hit me. I accidentally bought G2 which is meant to be a light version of Gatorade. It has that fake sugar in it. For some reason my body always reacts that way to any fake sugar. And I just drank 40 ounces of it. Wow that was smart. I was glad that Emma was finally sleeping so that I was not the reason we were just chillin. In fact no one seemed to care that we just hung out for a bit. Ryan and Josh went on a walk and did some video taping. I think they both had a good time. Jared and Sarah finished up homework and Jacob, Emma and I slept.

When they got back we packed up and headed home. We had a sleepy mellow drive. When we got back I took Emma to insta care and got her on antibiotics. Her ear was surprisingly still filled with liquid. I just felt so sad for her. She feel asleep almost instantly when we got home.

We all had a great time and I am so grateful we stayed close for our family vacation. I can't imagine a long drive or plane ride with a sick Emma. We took it easy today and she is feeling much better.

My camera battery just died so I will post pictures soon.

No toys needed

Last Saturday the While Ryan was cleaning out the garage the kids played for hours in the front yard building and rebuilding a fort out of these big boxes. They really had the best time.



Every once in awhile Josh would knock it down just to get a reaction out of the kids. It worked every time with Emma.

All about me

It feels a little selfish to write that. I have been doing really well so far in my training for my marathon. In fact on Saturday I ran farther then I have ever ran and faster then I have ever run (long distance that is) I am still not fast but I am not really going for that. My goal is to simply finish. To finish with my head held high and a smile on my face. Whenever I run a longer run I imagine it is my last few miles in the race. How will I feel? And every time I can't help but smile. I have always wanted to be able to run for miles. To have miles of time to just think and step away from the world. And on Saturday I felt like a real runner. 7 miles all to myself. I was even doing hills with a happy heart. It was huge for me. I ran to Emma's gym where she was playing bball and I just felt such pride. I have been amazed at how quickly my body has adapted to the longer runs and impressed with the training book I have been using. I was thinking, "If I had never started this program where would I be now? Still only running a couple miles and feeling stuck in my desire to be a runner but not taking action." I want to remember this when I feel overwhelmed by something new I want to accomplish. A little action every day leads to great accomplishment.
Along with this I have also been learning so much about my camera and I have been venturing into the manual zone of my camera much more frequently. I am starting to see some wonderful results and I don't need to edit my pictures like I did before. I am loving how warm indoor pictures can be without the flash on the right settings. I have taken a lot of horrible pictures but I can usually, eventually, get what I am going for. With time, just like training for the long runs, I am sure I will be able to get what I want on the first try. If I never try I can never succeed.

My favorite right now is playing with my 50mm lens on manual. I don't know the right terms for things but I love the way it makes the background so blurry and the subject so clear.

My kids are always wanting to be my model or asking me to take pictures of their things. I have the best kids.

Good intentions

I was planning on writing a big long post all about my week but I am going to bed instead.

If you want you can read a little snippet here.

Good night all!

Just the begining of the down pour.

With the rain on the kids day off of school what do you do? A little bit of everything.

The kids played cards. Cards with Josh means you put down a card then he puts down a card. At some point he declares himself a winner and we all laugh.
We met friends at the church to let the kids run around and play and visit. Then we met Ryan at Rubios for a quick lunch.

Then off to the movies to see the Spy Next Door. Such a dumb movie but I love Jackie Chan and so he made me smile.

What next? We played Wii Just Dance (no this game does not get old.) Jacob was so interested in what they were doing. He was dancing and bopping right along .
With all the excitement of the day Joshua had a hard time taking a nap. Here he is pretending (not very well) to be sleeping.
Then today with more rain we got out Joshua's rocket his Uncle Trent got him for Christmas. He had fun painting it and flying it around the house the whole day. He even wanted to sleep with it.
Life is good. I spent most of today buried in my book for book club. It is called "The Help." I had never heard about it and it sucked me in instantly. I love when a book does that but then I am always sad when it is over. I have become a part of this group of women and I want to see how things turn out for them. I guess I just have to use my imagination.

I have rediscovered my love for cooking. I had gotten in a rut for a while and I am back. Costco gave out a cookbook a couple years back and I have been trying new recipes from it and they are wonderful. My whole family is thrilled. I think learning that Cashew cream can replace the cream everything in any recipe has helped open up the windows of recipes I can eat. Again- Thanks Hope!

Change. It's mostly good.

Today our stake/wards (church) were shaken up a bit. We now belong to a new ward with my husband as the 2ND counselor in the bishopric. Last week during church the stake meet with Ryan and I. I somehow knew it was coming but it still felt a little overwhelming. I went straight from that into Young Women's and taught my lesson. I think I looked a little dazed and out of sorts. Since then I have had time to process things and I feel like I can handle being on my own for church on Sundays. Heavenly Father will bless me. Last week the old 2nd counselors wife spoke and she touched my heart so deeply. She talked about how sad she is that her husband will no longer be the counselor because she has been so blessed because of his service, She felt that their family has grown so much during this time. I cried because I felt that we too will be blessed that way. I am grateful for angels who say the words we need to hear when we need to hear it.

Other changes? My baby is now 1.
His first real word is oh no. SO cute.
He babbles a lot and we try to make out what he is saying which is rather fun for us.
This last week he got two more teeth in so now he has a total of 4.
He still prefers to army crawl because it is so much faster.
He is testing out his standing skills and likes to see how long he can do it before he falls. down. Today he was bouncing up and down while standing and the kids got a good laugh out of his dancing skills.


I was trying to set up the camera to take pics of him eating his cake and he had to see what I was doing. It was so funny because his pants kept getting under him and he couldn't crawl. He just was sorta stuck in one spot. he seemed to enjoy that we were laughing with him.

A quick pre-party pic. Isn't he such a doll??

Joseph loves his waffle maker and really wanted me to make waffles for the babies bday. They were yummy!
When you are the baby this is as close as breakfast in bed gets. Waffles in the highchair. Good stuff.
Joshua usually doesn't like to draw. But when we got new markers for their white board he has been drawing up a storm. He told me this was his angry guy

I decided to buy a $5 cake this year and give the other kids ice cream- my family doesn't really like cake. How cute is this little bitty cake?

Jacob loved the frosting but not the actually cake. Oh how he makes my heart smile!
When it came to present time he was not really that interested. He just kept looking at his card over and over again. He seemed to really truly love it.
Jacob- I love when you give me kisses over and over again. Or when you blow on my face. And the way you smile so easily at me but give everyone else the grumpy-furrowed-brow-look. I love when you snuggle into me and try to hide. I love your sweet little spirit that find such joy in life and in others. In short- I sure do love you!

Life is good!

I am really loving this project 365. I am looking for things to take pictures of. I am more aware of the cuteness that is my kids. I am finding the positive in my day that I may capture it through my lens. I am actually uploading my pictures everyday which makes taking pictures more enjoyable. Basically I am loving it. Here are pictures I would not have captured had it not been for this project.Joseph got a remote control dino for Christmas. He kept talking about how cool it was and how much he wanted one. It was kinda expensive but I finally gave in and got it. The baby is not sure what to think of it. He doesn't seem scared of just unsure. He can't seem to figure it out. These faces crack me up.

This is how all Sundays should be spent. Relaxing together as a family. I love snuggle time.

Josh found this costume on Saturday and had me help him get dressed up. This kid loves to dress up more then any other child of mine ever has. He asked me what a pirate says. So here he is saying "arghhh"
My SIL had a shower thrown in her honor yesterday. We played a matching game where you won a candy prize that match the "birth" experience. Very humorous stuff.

We were served these most delicious berries. I can not tell you how yummy they were because words can not describe it. I did not know I loved blackberries until I ate these. My new favorite food of all time.

Here are all of the beautiful women that I am blessed to have as my family by marriage.
From left to right
Ryan's Grandma, MIL Kelly, SIL Kaylee, SIL Lindsay, SIL Orchids, SIL Allie, SIL Sarah, SIL Amy, SIL Hope, Me, Ryan's cousin Kiersten, Ryan's Aunt Chris. I love them all!

The boys got this car for Christmas. Jared is such a good big brother. He has a special bond with Jacob. I'm sure it's cause they share a room and Jared likes to play with him in the morning.

Blahhhh

That is really all I have to say tonight. Some days are just like that and tonight happens to be one of those. The end.

Christmas 2009- Till we meet again next year

Christmas has come and gone and I am sad to say that this year I was a little excited to see it go. I am normally much more into the season and love everything about it. Don't get me wrong I loved much-just not all. I waited to long to do my shopping which meant I had to try to get it done while kids were off of school which meant less time with them which brought on guilt. I miss them being gone at school all day and I miss just hanging out with them. Once the stress of Christmas day was over it felt like I could breath again.

This last week was just spent having fun and relaxing. One day my SIL came over and helped me really decorate my house. That was rewarding. I have had boxes in my garage filled with home decor just waiting to be used. I got an amazing photo printer for Christmas so I have been having loving putting new pictures in the frames. I wake up excited to walk downstairs. Love it!

I digress. Christmas eve we spent at my in-laws. The kids got all dressed up and did the nativity. Why is this so cute and I do love it every single year. Then they each got to open their present from Grandma and Grandpa. With 21 kids this took some time but for the most part the kids were really good. Then we put the kids to bed and got to work. I was surprised at how little there was to do. We had wrapped most everything a couple nights earlier which helped a ton.

Christmas morning was early - 6. I was so tired from staying up late I hardly took any pictures. I just kept thinking about my warm bed. I did make the kids waffles with Josephs new waffle maker. He has wanted one for a long time - I'm not sure why though. We put toys together and just played most of the morning. Then we enjoyed a dinner of soups and family gift exchange.

It wasn't until the next morning that I woke up feeling relaxed. Truly relaxed. I can't really remember what I did just that I have felt pretty stress free since.

Christmas Eve opening up new PJ's

The goods BTW I love my tree!

Getting ready to open up some presents Why do they look so awake?

The kids getting ready to act out the nativity.

Baby Jesus was being very loved and watched over.

Sarah got a new camera for Christmas and it has been fun watching her position her subjects and just really having fun with it.
Jared and Sarah both got to be a part in the radio show version of A Christmas Carol at the center for the arts. I was so proud of them. I would have been way to nervous to participate in something like this at their age.